Sunday, January 6, 2008
"Grow up, Mom"...
They didn't actually say this but they were thinking it...I just know it! My 10 and 9-year old cornered me not too long ago to fill me in on some things. Bring me up to speed. Give me the low-down. Down-low? What? OK, let me ask you, when you are leaving the house for a long car trip and you know your children have a bladder the size of a pee, what do you ask them? "Does anyone have to go potty?" Apparently not anymore in my house. Apparently, my children have had a meeting and decided that the word "potty" should never come out of my mouth again unless I am talking to the baby. My instructions? From now on I am to refer to the
potty ,ehem, toilet as the "restroom."
Restroom? Really. Seriously. Am I at Starbuck's? Have I hauled their butts into Starbuck's so many times that they are now convinced it is the hoity toity thing to do to say "restroom"?
The conversation did not stop there. Let me give you the low-down...down-low? I still don't get it.
When your child gets a paper cut and you head upstairs to get a band aid, what do you say when you enter the room of the wounded one?
"Here. Let me see your boo boo."
Um. No. Not at Chez Brownlow. We are evidently, WAY past the "boo boo" phase.
I am now to refer to all things that need band aids as "lacerations or abrasions."
Now they have medical degrees? Will they soon start saying things like,
"OW, Mom, I just stubbed my metatarsus!!" or
"When I fell off my bike, I hit my mandible on the handlebars!" ?
Oh, it gets better. I'll just cut to the chase. This was the pièce de résistance (big enough word for ya kids? sheesh!)
"And when you talk to us about yourself, can you NOT refer to yourself as Mommy? Like when you say things like, 'Mommy will get it' and stuff. Can you just say 'I'?"
What do I do with that? ALL of that? When do THEY get to decide for ME what they are too old to hear?
Is there an Elementary Caucus I don't know about? Was there a vote? A book of laws referring to ages that you are banned from hearing the words "poopy," "hiney" and you're my "snuggly wuggly buggly"?
WHERE'S MY #$%^&*() MAMA CAP?
To top it all off, one of my dear friends suggested today that I should be thinking about when and where I want to have "the talk" with my little man big kid.
HOLY CHEESE! ARE YOU FRIPPIN' KIDDING ME?
Why do they grow up so fast?