"Time of Death ,11:22am ... Never thought I would ever hear these words about my 4 1/2 year old son. But this morning , those words got engraved in my mind and my heart forever.
Julian fought until the last painful breath. Again NOTHING peaceful about this process until , until he stopped gasping for air. Julian looked like a fish out of the water, trying so hard to fill those lungs, but nothing. You could see the normal breathing motions his body made, but nothing got past his throat. Finally he stopped fighting.
When he started having a hard time breathing I went to get Ken . He stood on one side of the bed and I was on it with Julian. We talked him thru his transition. We told him it would be ok. We told him we were proud of him. I told him to say Hi to Jesus for me. I told him that Cody and Jacob were waiting for him . I told him that we would be ok. I told him he wouldn't hurt anymore. I told him good night. I told him I loved him. I told him to play and run.
The nurse took his shirt off and told us to touch him, that he could feel us and we needed to feel him . I put my hand on his chest. I could feel his heart beat. Then it slowed down . Then I could not feel it anymore. I heard his first heartbeat and felt his last one. I was texting Debra right before, texted her Julian was gone, she called and got in her car and came. I got Mamie, she told Ju bye. And Papy. We got the boys and told them . Sam asked if we were sure he was gone. Then he said it was wierd because he didnt feel like crying. Then he asked to hold him. I needed to clean and dress Ju first.
Debra got here, helped me a little, cried a lot... They are not supposed to get attached, how can you not get attached to Ju? I held Julian. Debra gave him a bed bath, as she had been doing for the past few weeks, put lotion all over him, loved and kissed on him. 1 month ago , she didnt even know him, now she is grieving just as we are. That is what Julian is all about. LOVE, unconditional love... He touched Debra, she touched my heart... Ken , Debra, Mamie, Sam, Gma and I held Julian. Maybe others did, I am not sure.
Dana and Jessi came. Pastor Kevin and Vicki, Zach and Sam.Diane came by, Pastor Blair and Pat. Vickie and Gerald. Nanny. It is now 6 something pm. Dana and her family are still here with us . I love those guys! Thank you ... Funeral home men came to get him this afternoon. Ken carried him to the van, with his blankie (his Christmas blankie he would share with every one) one of his mimis and one of his dinosaurs. We don't know any details on viewing and funeral yet. We will let you know, just make sure you have your YELLOW SHIRTS HANDY !!!!
FLY HIGH MUNCHKIN ... I love you all the way to China, you are the best, you know that? I love your smell too baby... Your mama ..."
Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there;
I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow, I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there;
I did not die.
For cards and flowers, feel free to send to: Ken, Mimi, Sam, Alex and William Avery ........111 Aviator Dr. Fort Worth, TX 76179