Friday, January 4, 2008


SYMPTOMS: pain in ear, feverish, crazed maniacal tendencies, lots of crying PRESCRIPTION: turkey, bacon and lots of mayonnaise followed by a lemonade shot with a chocolate chaser. ok....the baby's symptoms and MY prescription...for ME! He got antibiotics, I got Arby's! Only 48 hours since I wrote about HEALTH being my WORD and I was hogging out with an Arby's toasted sub. What is it about sinking your teeth into something chocolate/buttery/sugary/fatty (pick your poison) that makes a temper tantrum-filled day seem to go away? There are days that I am driving with screams from the back seat piercing my eardrums and boiling my blood and my mind is taking a mental inventory of what bad-for-me snack is waiting at home, tucked into an out-of-the way corner of my tallest cupboard. If that inventory shows a depletion, there is one stop to be made before I exit toward home. Never, and I mean NEVER! have I been enduring a full-scale battle-of-the-baby during a trip to the grocery store and not had a fleeting thought of what I would grab in the check-out aisle. I never head to the produce section to calm my nerves. It is always chocolate that does the trick! Sometimes I can trick my body into thinking that coffee is a sinful snack and then I get the added bonus of a boost of energy to get me through to naptime. Or until hubby gets home and I can meet him at the door like the changing of the guard to head to the nail salon, WalMart or craft store to have a tantrum-free minute ALL to myself. Do you know what happens to me when I head out alone on nights like this? (TMI ALERT!) I will be browsing through my favorite books store/craft store/any store that does not come with a screaming baby in the cart and it will hit me. An urge. I have to poo! What is that? WHY? Why must I be yanked out of the sheer bliss of having a complete thought without being smacked in the face by a flying pacifier by the urge to defecate? WHY? WHY? WHY? I used to LOVE card stores and this would always happen to me in the Hallmark store - so much so that my mom will STILL ask me if I need to head to the Ladies Room before we walk into a card store. I think, as moms, we are insanely stretched in so many directions that our bodies have a hard time TRULY relaxing. When can we just BE? It is hard because our jobs are literally 24/7. Even when we are IN the bathroom to USE to bathroom, everyone in the free world joins us. Where is the relaxation in that? I had another post that dealt with this exact scenario called Why SAHMs get constipated. Think of Dawn from BECAUSE I SAID SO, does this woman ever have a moment to relieve herself? Anyway, I digress... I am trying to be healthy but sometimes I have to choose between healthy and SANE, right? I would be interested in knowing how many of you reach for ooey-gooey when life gets tough? BTW...I know I often "vent" about my 2 year old but PLEASE know that he is the apple of my eye - I adore him! I am not always aggravated with him - it is just good fodder for blogging when he is in "a mood"


Kalynne Pudner said...

I used to reach for something caloric (more likely a glass of wine than junk food), but now I just start composing a descriptive blog in my head. Like a voice-over on a documentary. (Here's an example, inspired by four straight days of non-stop teenage bickering in tight quarters:

Sounds like a blog obsession, I know, but it really does help me keep my perspective -- i.e., "This too shall pass, and someday may even be funny." Besides, it doesn't cost me a single extra pound! (Not that I don't have plenty of those already...)

What's "TMI" mean, by the way?

I enjoy your blog, Michelle; glad you found my Top Ten and commented. Mind if I blogroll you?

Debbie @ Three Weddings said...

I don't know if I go for calories with stress, but I sometimes go for a beer! And just one, no, I'm not an alcoholic. I go for calories when I get bored. I think you're on to something about relaxing. It always seems to hit me in the morning before everyone is up and I have a few minutes to myself! And what is it with everyone needing something the second you sit down! Can't it wait 5 minutes!

Alison said...

The having to poop problem always, always happens to me too!! But, I can only poop at home so I have to go totally stinks!! I also reach for the sweets...right now my daughter has chicken pox so we are under quarantine over here. I decided to do a spring cleaning to keep me out of the holiday treats left over!!

Pam said...

I totally grab anything with caffeine in it! That is my guilty pleasure! Lately though....I have been blogging to make all the voices in my head go away ;)

Dawn said...

Sounds like you've you been taking Alli. ;) Hee hee
Oh and I reach for chocolate and/or rum. Chocolate flavored rum? Rum flavored chocolate. Chocolate washed down with a jug o' rum. You get the idea.

Dawn-Enigma Artist said...

still chuckling .. too funny and btw even when your nest is empty everyone you know only calls to talk when you are:

1. in the shower
2. going poo

it's like some sort of plot!

My nest hasn't been empty long so I'll keep you posted on the above mentioned phenomena. Perhaps it doesn't last long.

I reach for salty and/or chocolate
chocolate covered peanuts are great

I <3 Arby's!

Shellie said...

Oh, that made me laugh! For some reason, when I was in college, going to the library would give me gas. Can't explain why. I think you don't have time to even notice you need to go poo till you are alone like that. Or maybe it is the relaxing phenomenon. Or how long have you been using Alli? Here's some info on what to eat. I am a sweet and chocolate freak. Especially the chocolate. I think I worship the stuff sometimes. So I found this (expensive)healthy chocolate called Xocai. I'm about to start selling it soon so I can afford to eat it. I have just a little chunk of that stuff or sip of the drink and I get my chocolate fix without all the fat and sugar and stuff. Plus it curbs your appetite. Turns out I really just love the chocolate, not the sugar and milk it gets mixed in with it so it is great for me. If you like dark chocolate, try any dark chocolate or Xocai and you will get your fix without ruining your health or your waistline. Another great idea from Dr. Oz is to keep whole almonds and just munch on a few for a snack. It tricks your body into thinking you ate something with fat to satisfy that urge, but you are only eating a small amount of good fat.

Jillybean said...

I had one of THOSE days today. I went to Arbys, got a big sandwitch and ONION PETALS! I also ate most of the frosty from my son's Wendy's kids meal (he does not like Arbys)
Before I go into the bathroom, I ask my children if they would like to invite the neighbors and have a "potty party, because for some reason, they all end up in there with me anyway, why not have the whole neighborhood there too?
They think I'm weird.

Michelle said...

I laughed so hard. Specially since my urge comes as soon as I hit the electric doors at Winn Dixie. Can you imagine? Nowhere else, just Winn Dixie.

Now if I could only get them to clean up their rest rooms (ugh)