Saturday, January 19, 2008

One last and final hug...

If you hugged your babies today at 11, you helped hug Julian to Heaven.

from Mimi:

"Time of Death ,11:22am ... Never thought I would ever hear these words about my 4 1/2 year old son. But this morning , those words got engraved in my mind and my heart forever.

Julian fought until the last painful breath. Again NOTHING peaceful about this process until , until he stopped gasping for air. Julian looked like a fish out of the water, trying so hard to fill those lungs, but nothing. You could see the normal breathing motions his body made, but nothing got past his throat. Finally he stopped fighting.

When he started having a hard time breathing I went to get Ken . He stood on one side of the bed and I was on it with Julian. We talked him thru his transition. We told him it would be ok. We told him we were proud of him. I told him to say Hi to Jesus for me. I told him that Cody and Jacob were waiting for him . I told him that we would be ok. I told him he wouldn't hurt anymore. I told him good night. I told him I loved him. I told him to play and run.

The nurse took his shirt off and told us to touch him, that he could feel us and we needed to feel him . I put my hand on his chest. I could feel his heart beat. Then it slowed down . Then I could not feel it anymore. I heard his first heartbeat and felt his last one. I was texting Debra right before, texted her Julian was gone, she called and got in her car and came. I got Mamie, she told Ju bye. And Papy. We got the boys and told them . Sam asked if we were sure he was gone. Then he said it was wierd because he didnt feel like crying. Then he asked to hold him. I needed to clean and dress Ju first.

Debra got here, helped me a little, cried a lot... They are not supposed to get attached, how can you not get attached to Ju? I held Julian. Debra gave him a bed bath, as she had been doing for the past few weeks, put lotion all over him, loved and kissed on him. 1 month ago , she didnt even know him, now she is grieving just as we are. That is what Julian is all about. LOVE, unconditional love... He touched Debra, she touched my heart... Ken , Debra, Mamie, Sam, Gma and I held Julian. Maybe others did, I am not sure.

Dana and Jessi came. Pastor Kevin and Vicki, Zach and Sam.Diane came by, Pastor Blair and Pat. Vickie and Gerald. Nanny. It is now 6 something pm. Dana and her family are still here with us . I love those guys! Thank you ... Funeral home men came to get him this afternoon. Ken carried him to the van, with his blankie (his Christmas blankie he would share with every one) one of his mimis and one of his dinosaurs. We don't know any details on viewing and funeral yet. We will let you know, just make sure you have your YELLOW SHIRTS HANDY !!!!

FLY HIGH MUNCHKIN ... I love you all the way to China, you are the best, you know that? I love your smell too baby... Your mama ..."

Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there;

I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow, I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there;

I did not die.

Click here to light a candle for Julian...thanks Sasa G. from Slovenia

For cards and flowers, feel free to send to: Ken, Mimi, Sam, Alex and William Avery ........111 Aviator Dr. Fort Worth, TX 76179

18 comments:

Dina said...

Gut wrenching, absolutely gut wrenching! Tears a streaming down my face. I thought there would be a sense of peace knowing he is no longer in pain, but it just feels wrong to know they have to bury their baby. So wrong! Mimi amazes me that she can put it all into words for US so soon after he left to be with Jesus. What faith! He was hugged to heaven, never again to suffer. I guess there should be some praise in that. I am not sure though. Well I have rambled enough! Michelle thank you for introducing Julian into my heart and into my life. What a whirl-wind it has been! What a gift and what a roller coaster of emotion. WOW!

Melinda Zook said...

I am just bawling here. I am so sorry to hear this. The strength though of this family is amazing. You can just feel the love in her words. May God bless them and keep them strong for the memory of this beautiful boy.

Heather said...

My heart is breaking right now. Jesus, you've got a special angel up there with you now. Rest in peace sweet Julian.

SwatCop said...

To know that this little boy touched more lives for Jesus in his little four years than I have in my 38 years is amazing and life changing. It has opened my eyes to what really is important in life..JESUS, FAMILY, GRACE, and LOVE! Rest in peace my little friend, even though I never got to know you personally, someday we can run and play together and I can really see how awesome of a kid you were. My prayers go out to your family, that God will spread an overflow of peace on family. I can't even imagine what it must be like going through this whole ordeal.
Thank you Kemper for bringing Julian into my life through your blog, even though I am bawling my eyes out right now...thanks bud!
May we never forget this little guy's battle and the strength he showed. So go and hug your kids, love your spouse, say hi to that neighbor of yours, call up an old friend, Pray! Let the spirit and memory of Julian change our lives, change our world! And most of all, trust in Jesus Christ as your savior. He is our ROCK!
Rest in peace my little friend.

nomi said...

Thank-you for bringing Julian into my life by posting his story on your blog. I will never forget him, or the difference he made in my life. There are many people around the world crying tonight, I am one of them.

Saša G. said...

I just can't stop crying... Here is the link to light a candle for KinG JuJu:
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=JuJu

Saša G. said...

Thank YOU, Michelle!

Deb in OPKS said...

Although I am sad that Julian is no longer with us, I am grateful that he is no longer in pain and suffering. I pray now that his family can begin to heal, as much as is possible with the loss of a child. I know that Julian is up there in heaven looking down on his family and caring for them in a way that he could no longer do here on earth. God Bless Angel Julian.

goodideamomma said...

I don't know you or you know me, but so sorry for your loss. I thank you for reminding me to hug my babies more often.

Beth said...

Oh my - I am sobbing!! Please know our thoughts are with the family during this time....Wish there was more I could say to ease the pain.
Hugs - Beth

Anonymous said...

PRAYERS of LOVE your way! As I sit here sobbing I want to thank you for reminding us to love and cherish every moment with our babies!

Tracey said...

I am so sad for his family... yet so grateful that his pain is over. May his soul be free, and may his family feel peace...

~Just A Thought Ginger said...

God's ways are not our ways. Some things in this life are just too difficult to understand. It seems this wonderful, beautiful little boy has changed the world for the better in his short life.
May the peace that passes all understanding fill the hearts of those who loved and cherished him. May the memories of his life fill hearts to overflowing. May every hurting heart know that our Lord deeply loves them and is there to wipe their tears and mend their hurts.
"Cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you."

VanDerHoekArt said...

Heartbreaking! My thoughts and prayers are with Julian's family.

Beth said...

I hope it is ok that I posted a link to this on my blog - I am really touched by this story and just feel for this family....

Becky B/F said...

Michelle...I was surprised I remained composed talking to Matthew this morning. *phew* Good thing God knows when we need strength!! But as I pointed out the window of the NLC and said "See that pasture out there?? I'll bet that in Heaven, there are fields 10 times that size and greener (and warmer!!!), and JuJu is running around and playing with Jesus right now - without ANY pain and he doesnt need to tell ANY brothers they need to be quiet"...I realized I was saying those things to comfort not only your precious son, but myself also.
How LUCKY is that little boy right now!
Thank you Jesus, for the blessing, and testimony! Mimi and the Avery family has been to the Brownlows, me, and a countless amount of other families!!!

Sarah said...

and still my heart weeps.

how can you love some one so much that you have never seen in person. touched, smelt, hugged or kissed?

Anonymous said...

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