Wednesday, October 22, 2008

What are you afraid of?

I had to explain 'irrational fears' to my 11-year old tonight. I hate that his little mind races and he worries about things that seem silly to anyone but him. But he is 11, he is relatively new to this world and he is very creative so his mind NEVER shuts down. Hmmmmmm. I know someone else with this affliction! And who HASN'T had irrational fears? I told him that if he was standing in the middle of the road and a car was coming - that was a RATIONAL fear. But if he was sitting on the couch and was afraid a car would come careening through our house and hit him - that was IRRATIONAL. I wanted to put things in perspective for him. So, I went to the best place I could think of to find examples of irrational fears...Google! And I hit the jackpot! BizarrePhobias.com! There was an alphabet listed so I just started clicking on letters to see what came up, I really wasn't looking for any ONE thing. Just some examples to add a lighter tone to our conversation. It worked! Judeophobia! A fear of Jews? Are you kidding me? No, that was NOT the one I was going to start with. I needed something funny. Something that would make him giggle. Something like...click... Vitricophobia! A fear of one's step-father. Hmmmm. Yeah, no. This is NOT what I was going for...next... Dendrophobia! A fear of trees. OK. Don't get me wrong when I say....WHAT THE CRAP?! Now, I am all for equal rights for all phobias and I would never make fun of anyone for being afraid of something, except for my friend Goose who has a fear of watching my video blogs. But a fear of trees? Would that be falling trees? Rotting trees? Infested trees? Grumpy trees? Next!... Myxophobia! A fear of slime. Oooooooo Oooooooooo! I had this! I did, I did!! When I was 14, I worked at a local mall in the food court. My shoppe was called Coney Island. We sold hot dogs, hamburgers and cigarettes (for $1.25 a pack). My bosses were brothers and they were C.H.E.A.P! Every morning it was my job to take the thawed boxes of hot dogs to the sink and wash the white-ish slime off of them before placing them on the grill. Ewwww. Hey, I was 14, I wasn't old enough to have an opinion about food safety and there was a '65 Mustang with my name on it just waiting to be paid for! Gimme another one....I am on a roll.... Thalassophobia! A fear of the sea. One word...JAWS! I get it! Trichopathophobia! A fear of hair. Ah HA! I have found the answer to the unexplainable...the Brazilian Wax! Agateophobia! A fear of insanity. Well, holy cow. People are afraid of this? My daily insanity is my comfort. It's the only way I know how to be productive. How could I drink my coffee WITHOUT finding a lego at the bottom (or 1/2 way down my throat)? What would my day be like if I didn't make breakfast, sign permission slips, change a diaper, yell at the dog, talk on the phone and count calories all inside 60 seconds? And I can't imagine a day without saying, "Don't stick that/eat that/throw that/pick at that/squeeze it/hit/touch ...." ~ choose your own noun(s) to finish this sentence. It's my drug. I like my insanity. Don't be afraid. See the light? These need to get better....next..... Cathisophobia! A fear of sitting. OK. Can you please picture this? Again, I am not making fun. I really think that there are people who sit and make up these words just for a good laugh. I really cannot imagine there is a soul (call me naive) that is afraid of sitting. Sitting? Entertain me for a minute and close your eyes, well, then you can't see what I am going to say....squint, just squint and picture this. A guy in a shirt and tie walks into an empty apartment. He is beat. His flight was delayed and he is getting home 4 1/2 hours later than he thought he would. He drops his briefcase at the door, loosens his tie, unbuttons a couple of buttons and slides his feet out of his shoes. He grabs the mail, a beer out of the fridge and the remote. He throws his head back and sucks in the golden quench of a thirst that consumes his whole being. Click. The game. Bottom of the 9th, 2 outs and bases are loaded. His knees bend as his body wants to collapse into the $3000 La-Z-Boy that is situated across from his 52" screen. But no. He can't. He is Cathisophobic! HE HAS TO STAND TO WATCH THE GAME. "Steeeee-riiiiiiiike!" Games over. Time for bed....wait is there a fear of laying down, too? Poor guy! OK...you have been kind to stick around this long....I will pick one more...just one.... *closes eyes and blindly points at the screen* Chorophobia! A fear of dancing. My husband has this. But he's not fearful of his OWN dancing. It's mine he is worried about. And then I do this... you loved it before...so I wanted to treat you again! (sorry Goose!) Thanks for being a part of my irrational fears post...leave me some LOVE and tell me what fears you have heard of (or have) that are a little...shall we say...QUIRKY! And please, no HATE mail for this post. I meant no disrespect. Just having a little fun!

10 comments:

The Real Life Fairy Tale Princess said...

"How could I drink my coffee WITHOUT finding a lego at the bottom "

ROTFLMAO!!

Oh the joys I have to look forwards to... thankfully, too young for legos... but she did bring me a live bug the other day. Needless to say Mommie was NOT expecting a nastly wiggly black beetle to drop into he hand and I have no idea where that poor beetle landed. I do know I can hang from the ceiling for approximately 15 seconds before my heart starts beating again!

My Semblance of Sanity said...

"I do know I can hang from the ceiling for approximately 15 seconds before my heart starts beating again!"

ROTFL MY AO!

Thanks for the giggle!
You will get your lego...your day will come!

Jeremy said...

Michelle,

I just wanted to drop in and thank you for mentioning my site, bizarrephobias.com. My wife and I started that site several years ago and then life got in the way and we haven't done much with it since. Reading your post made me laugh at those phobias all over again.

I showed my wife your post and she got excited and bubbly... then she started telling me all the things I need to fix to make the site better.

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks.

MaBunny said...

LOL I don't drink coffee, so never have found legos in the bottom floating, or in any other drinkable liquid...
I have to think about that one, I know I'm petrified of driving over high overpasses. If I'm the passenger I just close my eyes, but I cna't do that when I'm the driver, then there really would be an accident!

coffespaz said...

LMAO....wow, this was perfect to start the day!!

Hmmm, does a fear of the drain at the bottom of the pool count for irrational...??

Fallon said...

This was great. FUNNY as he**. I have a phobia of other peoples dirty washcloths. lol

Karla with a K said...

Michelle,
My 11 yo is very similar to yours. Creative... his brain never shuts off... irrational fears.
I loved this post. I'm going to show it to him.

Jane said...

I sure hope you dont have a fear of being Tagged as thats what I have done..I read through a reader now, so I guess I no longer show up in your leve feed very often...but I have been a-lurking for a while
Jane
www.janezlifeandtimes.wordpress.com

Debbie Yost said...

My daughter and your son have a lot in common. She drives me crazy the way she blows things out of porportions. I don't really have weird phobias, but I am afraid of going through tunnels that go under water like the tunnel under the Hudson, although I've never been in that one. I'm also afraid of the aquariums where you walk through the plexiglass tunnel with the aquarium all around you!

Patty said...

My fear is common...claustrophobia. Stay tuned for a funny post about touring a submarine.