Monday, March 3, 2008

How do I love thee? Let me scoop the poop...

As we waited to be licensed foster parents, I could not dull my need to nest, the mothering ache was killing me so I forced convinced my husband that a dog would be a great addition to our family as our children were old enough to start learning how to not kill care for another living thing.
Memorial Day weekend of 2005, we added Morgan Rose to our family.

Little did I know that the foster baby would be an easier feat. This dog drives me nuts! Whose idea was this?

We took her to puppy boot camp right away. You are laughing aren't you? I am serious. The Perfect Pooch is bar none the coolest place around. You drop them off holy terrors and Dave gives them back 10 days later and VOILA, your very own perfect pooch. She was an ace and to this day is a fantastic dog - for my husband. It's that whole Alpha Male thing.

Quite honestly, the last three years it has been crazy as she is just a big black 80 pound toddler! When the baby came - I could have more easily dealt with twins, I think. She has disciplinary issues and I think should get Occupational Therapy during my son's sessions. She's a mess.

Anyway, almost 2 years ago, I demanded suggested we get one of those buried fences. I was tired of carrying the baby out in the elements 1400 times a day and walking around waiting for Morgan to "go." Really? As a mom, do you have time to do this? I was so ready to just buy a big fat CORK and tell her she had to wait until "Daddy" got home. It would be the dead of winter and snow would be blowing, I would get the baby situated on a play mat after getting the older two kids on the bus, I would sit down with a hot cup of tea and Morgan would come bounding in, knock over my cup into my lap and start whining - she had to pee. I would have to put the baby in his Siberian excursion outerwear and take him out to stand and wait...and walk...and sniff... I WANTED TO SCREAM!

So, the $200 was well-spent for the buried fence as I deemed it a necessity!

Are you doing the math? We got her in 2005, bought the fence in 2006 and it is 2008. Ask me how I am enjoying that fence...go ahead, ask me.

Thanks for asking but this is a real sore subject as that $200 box is still sitting on a shelf in our garage. (go ahead, ladies, re-read it, I know it is hard to believe) STILL SITTING ON THE SHELF. The dog has been trained to the collar that was in the box- but still no fence!

Please keep in mind, I am a very gentle person - we don't even spank in our house - so this shock-thing bothered me for a long time; hence the whole year of freezing my fanny off taking her out myself. I even made suggested my husband try it on himself before putting it on the dog. I said it was inhumane to give her a shock without knowing how bad it was. He tried it (on his hand, not his neck), I watched and he assured me it was "like sticking your tongue on a 9 volt battery." OK. Who does this? Maybe it is a guy-thing, but I have never had the urge to lick an Energizer! I don't get it!

Anyway, after a couple months and no fence, I boycotted scooping her poop. My excuse? I said, I was not about to brave the elements with a baby on my hip AND be expected to also use a bag to fondle her feces, too. Not happening! I just wanted to be able to open the door and let her out.

My poor children get dragged into this during lawn-maintenance season because my husband will call from the lawnmower, "Got grab some bags and scoop the poop!" My mom-ears can hear that request even with the windows closed and the mower running and I run to their aid. They both have that intense gag reflex that causes them to heave at the slightest disgust. Asking them to feel warm poo through a thin WalMart bag is just not right! Not to mention, my husband should feel for them as he puked IN HIS MOUTH numerous times while changing diapers. They all share the gag-thing!

He says now that he is waiting for me to decide to start picking up the poop before he puts in the fence b/c otherwise the WHOLE yard (instead of just the curb) will be crap-laden. Ugh. My plan has back-fired!

Why do I talk about poop today? Because this morning I found myself moved to scoop ALL of this winter's poop out of our curb grass while my little one played in the driveway with sidewalk chalk. It was starting to look like we had decided to use Doggy-Doo Mulch to cover our grass on the curb, I was a wee but embarrassed as many runners take their early morning jaunt right passed our house - that has to be gross! They have to notice it.

No, I don't deserve an award, I think I miss my man. He is headed back from a snowmobiling adventure out West with his dad and I miss him; did I say that? So, my boycott has ended, I guess, for now. I still want the fence put in but in the whole scheme of things, it's really not that big of a deal.

See Ken, I will even scoop the poo for you! Smooches!

And the dog? Yeah, she's still a big dork.

Yes, that IS a pumpkin!


Julie said...

She looks just like the Webkinz I was nearly forced to buy Puckey the other day - go to my blog for the full story, I think you'll get a kick out of it.

peach said...

but, shes just so cute! LOL... Thank God for the woods here, the dogs tend to head right out into them to do business, guess they get disgusted at poo in the yard too!
Hugs Laura

Anonymous said...

We had a chance to take a family member's dog at Christmas time - the kids had a great time playing with him. Then my son stepped in poop in his brand new shoes. That was all it took. We have two cats and the boy cat thinks it's a dog, so the kids are happy. It's hard to step in poop when it's in a litter box.

The Journey Begins Here said...

I am so appreciative of other people who have dogs. They need a good home and wouldn't get one here! Thanks for the tag. My answers are not as creative as yours. You have a great way of telling things. Still on my Soulja Boy soap box. I just can't let this one go! Theresa

Donna said...

It's not just a guy thing to test the battery with your tongue, and I must say (although it might stop the fence digging) a 9 volt battery on the tongue is something you only do once in your life! I test every other kind of battery with a simple lick the finger wet finger on one end and tongue on the other battery tester. I did this ONCE with a 9 volt I won't ever do it again, that battery was full and OUCH is all I can say. I guess that's the point though keep the dog from going past the fence. Good luck!

Karla said...

Give her a big smooch for me! Our dog died last March first. We had gotten him a year after we were married. He was old and had a good life, but I still miss him.

Can't wait to get another one! Poop, dog hair all over the house, and all.

But Morgan is just beautiful.
Goodnight - Karla

Shellie said...

He's a very cute dork, but I couldn't handle another dog for a while, you are brave. I would be a bit put out about the fence. There are some things around here like that too. Such is life.

Tracy said...

See this is why I don't have a dog. I love them. Your pictures of your dog make me want one. But then I remember ALL.THAT.POOP. And as a mom, you get the honor of royal poop scooper on top of everything else.
I'll get another dog when they make one that doesn't poop.
You dog is beautiful though.

Mabunny said...

Oh cute cute cute!! I love big dogs, even though I have two small ones. I know what you mean about letting a dog out the back door to do their business -vs- walking them. I had to keep my moms min pin for 6 weeks after her last heart procedure and he is VERY high maintenance. I could throw my two out in the back yard, but the min pin? nope, had to walk the little turd. He gets out of our back yard was the reason. And he pees and pees and pees some more. Can't believe such a tiny dog had that much in him. Anyway, by the end of the six weeks my husband and daughter had nicknamed him Dumbledork the whizmaster!!
He's back with my mother now , thank GOD. No more walking him in the morning, in the cold, in the dark, just so he wouldn't empty his bladder on the corner of my couch when he decided to wake up.


Frazzled Farm Wife said...

All I can say is Thank God we live in the country and my dog poops way out in the pasture and I don't have to pick it up.

AlaneM said...

Oh I HATE scooping!! I've had a boycott as well - I swear my hubby agreed to be the scooper but now he says we don't need to do it at all. Did I mention he also won't clean shoes that have stepped in our yard decorations? Ewwwww!
I love our doggy but I don't like being responsible for what comes out of his butt!
Guess I better get out there...

nomi said...

But she's sooooooooooo cute!!! Thanks for that laugh! It was a great read! I'm up with my daughter who isn't feeling well, and I'm thinking about Mimi. My mother's heart is hurting for her insanely tonight. I popped by your page for some uplifting words, and got some! That's one cute pooch!

mylhibug said...

Our dog(s) have "trained" themselves to go back in our wooded area, where no man, woman or child dare go. Sometimes we joke about the "poop palace" that must be getting built out there. Another thing about our Golden Retriever, she has NEVER pooped in anyone else's yard but ours. Really weird, but it saves on those poopy bags, I guess. :)

Erin said...

Aw, you are such a good wife to give up the boycott...I don't think I'd do that since I'm so stubborn : )

I've missed coming around. Hope you've been well.

Kittilicious said...

awwww she's so cuteeeee!!!!