Monday, February 21, 2011

The chaos I find at Barnes & Noble...

I had a delightful and creative date with myself @ Barnes & Noble on Sunday...I am re-posting why I sooooo appreciated my morning... I don't have a lot of luck finding a quiet corner when I go.
Ha ha ha. This previously posted story makes me giggle! And don't miss the link to a story posted previous to this one...I couldn't make this stuff up!


After dinner we (my hubby and I) headed to my favorite place to relax in the world...BARNES & NOBLE! But, now do you remember WHAT THE HECK happened the LAST time I thought B&N was a good idea? Well, if you are new or you just don't remember, remind yourself here.

This time, Ken and I grabbed some books and magazines and sat at a little cafe table to read and flirt with each other. (yes, 15 years later, we are still goofy-giddy-newlyweds!) But, veg-time is completely dependent on WHO you sit next to...HOLY CRIPES!

Next time I will pick the seat b/c Ken pulled up a chair right next to ...let's call her Margaret. I don't know her name but I know every creepy thing about her life. This woman should be in therapy. And then her therapist should seek therapy!

Margaret was chatting with her all started with this question, "So, how do the Quaker's feel about violence, like defending yourself?" For those of you who are not aware, the Quakers are alive and well in PA...William Penn - "Penn"sylvania - Quakers - it's all part of the deal. They are "religious witnesses for peace since 1660."

Well, Margaret went into her Buddhist rant. How the Buddhists feel about evil and protecting yourself from it, etc. Whatever. To each his own. I don't care. I go back to my reading.Then she mentions that she never leaves the house without her Sig Sauer. I looked at Ken with my eyebrow raised...I have NO idea what she is saying. Sig what? Ken makes his best GUN with his hand (on the down-low of course) and I gasp. Quietly. Back to my book. "My stalker!" Those words got my attention. Apparently, she has had a lot to deal with in her life as a VA nurse. Holy her therapist on speed dial?

Something is said about a gun safe accident. My ears perk up as I have a personal aversion to guns. But then she spouted. She frothed. She talked of her life-long dream of owning a gun shop. I almost turn my head and watch her like a TV. But then she whines that her dream was shattered when a 400 lb. gun safe fell on her wife. Yes, I said "wife" - Ken caught the spout of hot macchiato I threw from my lips! So, to make a long story short - because this was a story WAY-too-long for our short supposed-break-from-the-chaos-we-call-life!

Margaret was a ...gun-toting-lesbian-formerly-stalked-Buddhist-nurse!

Any one (or even TWO) of these things would never have caught my attention. But, five? ALL FIVE?! And now her pacifist Quaker friend was discussing hand-gun options with her. She was climbling aboard the GUN-TRAIN!

Seriously, I am such an open-minded, non-judgemental person. I have friends in almost every category of human you can think of - I really do... but this poor woman's life made me sad...AND KEPT ME FROM THE BOOK THAT WAS GOING TO UNCOVER ALL THE PUBLISHING SECRETS I AM CURRENTLY SEEKING!

So, that was date night! Ooooo La La!

Maybe my stress is directly related to WHERE I sit at Barnes & Noble! Give it up? What are my options? I am an addict. But, do people actually pop a Valium before ordering their Macchiato? Let me be the first!

Peace out, Mamas!


jewelryandgiftsbyrebecca said...

Hmm, ya never know what you might find or where you'll find it.
I WAS going to go shopping today but now I think I'll stay in, it seems safer.

AlaneM said...

Where do you find these people??? Yowza! Reminds me a bit of the crazy lady that worked in my office a few years ago. She walked around with a medium sized boom box tuned into jazz on her shoulder at all times (brought the thing into the bathroom too!) - sat leaning against a baseball size chunk of crystal to heal her back problems - and was writing a book about her life as a nymphomaniac (which she delighted in sharing with everyone!)
I think next time you need to hide in a corner or something :)

KathyB said...

I suggest the library, they're not allowed to talk as much in there, lol!

The High Family said...

Funny I had a similiar experience at B&N a month after Kara was born. Mine was some crazy gay (nothing wrong with being gay might I add) guy who had just as many issues but without the guns!

My husband and I love to go and hangout there too...

Janet Oberholtzer said...

Enjoy the interesting neighbors at B&N - could be Kate G one of these days!

Brenda said...

Sadly I could retain nothing after reading the word macchiato. I have to go get one now.

CraftyMomof3 said...

She sounds like some one straight outta BBC America or an HBO late night special.

I seem to have a similar affliction except it's usually at the movies and it involves obnoxious teenage boys and their shrieky girlfriends. Like Oh My God!