Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Just me and my macchiato...

I think I have ADD... Yesterday I had a babysitter for the whole day - 6 hours alone! WOW! That rarely happens but I decided it was time, so I called 1-800-watch-my-4-year-old! Any guesses where I went? Anyone? Anyone? Beuler? BARNES & NOBLE, BABY! I took my notebooks, writing assignments, pens and pencils, no laptop...too many distractions. I had grandiose ideas, I would research the children's book market, check out and make note of the publishers of children's books that are similar in style to mine and finish a 600 word story to submit to a writing course I am taking. Simple enough in 6 hours. Right? That's where my suspected ADD comes in... It all started when a skinny woman sat alone at the table to my left. Apparently, she had molten lava in her cup. She used every face muscle to slurp the 4,000 degree matter through her lips at the speed of light AND louder than a jet engine. It may have been easier on her now disfigured tongue to have the hot espresso pumped into her veins. Certainly would have been more enjoyable for me! Good Lord! Can you NOT hear yourself?! O.K. Focus, Shel. Highlights Magazine. Fiction stories. Now, I am hungry. And if I eat, I will be thirsty. I head to the counter. "One cranberry orange scone and a Venti Non-fat Iced Carmel Macchiato, please." Of course, it is 5 degrees outside and I am drinking icy espresso but my oral fixation causes me to crave a straw when I need to concentrate. I set out my little picnic on the cafe table that is smaller than my lap and open my notebook to get to work. "Yeah, the cop said he should be OK. He blew a 1.5 on the breathalizer but it was his first D.U.I." I look up at the barista with a piercing in her lip and wonder if her mom has met this boy. How could a mother not get a drunken vibe from the probably-pierced boy who shows up on her doorstep each and every day? I have nothing against piercings...I am an artist, remember? I have had my share of them. But, driving drunk? NO TOLERANCE! "Get a handle on yourself. Has it been this long since you tried to concentrate? Um. Yep." Cripes, now I am holding a conversation in my head...with myself. As I flipped through my notebook looking for the page I had started my assignment on I found the list of Good Will donations that my husband needed last night to finish our taxes. Crap. It's not itemized. I should get this out of the way before I dive head-long into this project. "Wooo hooo, weeee hoooo..." my cell phone ring is The Sweet Escape by Gwen Stefani and now everyone for a 3 mile radius knows. One of my best friends is unexpectedly free for lunch and she is just minutes away, headed for Panera...do I wanna join her? Um. Yep. An hour and a 1/2 of a turkey/artichoke panini later, I cop a squat back at B&N but this time in the children's section at one of those teeny picnic tables. Time to really work on my story. It is a quiet day in the back of the store - no story time. I gaze around at the big "coolest books" wall... Pinkalicious - have it. Purplelicious - got it. The Kissing Hand - yep. The Mitten - have it. You Are Special - got it. Guess How Much I Love You - yep. The new Fancy Nancy - ooooo not yet...maybe today. Gotta read it. Now. JEEPERS, girl...FOCUS! I would be bonkers if I were the mom of me right now. If I were the kid and was having THIS much trouble staying on task...I would beat me! I get a page or two written and I am on a roll...totally INTO my work...almost forgot where I was. Yeah. Notice I said, "almost." Enter little-freckled-demon. This sweet little boy was probably cute but I couldn't see past his raspy voice. And it was LOUD LOUD LOUD. This little man called to his mom every 1.5 seconds in a voice only a trucker could love. It was not only scratchy but he had apparently swallowed a bag of marshmallows and every single one of them was stuck mid-way down his esophagus. He had a word, too. You know how little kids get attached to certain words and they find a way to use it in every sentence. Yeah. His word was "busted." Everything in the Barnes & Noble children's department was evidently "BUSTED!" (I wish I could have a sound byte right here so you could hear my impression of this cherub) "MOMMA! THESE TRAINS ARE BUSTED! THOMAS IS BUSTED!" "HEY, MA. LOOK, A BUSTED WEASLE!" (I kid you not!) "BUSTED SPIDERMAN! MOM! BUSTED SPIDERMAN!! BUSTED SPIDERMAAAAAN!" "LOOKA MOMMA, LOOK! WHY THESE COAL CARS BUSTED?!" "A BUSTED SCOOBY-DOO BOOK, MOMMA! SCOOBY IS BUSTED, MOMMA!" "HEY MOMMA, EVERYTHING IN THE $%^&*# STORE IS BUSTED!!!!" (ok, just kidding on that one! But that would have been hysterical!) He left with a full blown tantrum just minutes after he "busted" everything at the train table. I looked at my phone and I had about 10 minutes before I had to go... Where did those 6 hours go?? BUSTED! Dang. So, here I sit blogging instead of completing my assignment. Once again, I am distracted. Peace.

15 comments:

Dawn said...

Wow you write like I do! I'm working on my book right now! Can you tell? LOL!
I'm glad you had some time out alone and I hope you enjoyed your lunch. :)

Grandmother Goddess of the Garden said...

Can you say too much caffiene three times fast?!

Julie said...

Can you inherit ADD? I used to be able to stay on task and get things done. Then I got married to my (pretty sure, though he's never been diagnosed) ADD husband, and now I can't stay on task EVER.

I love how you write! Very entertaining!!

pragmaticcompendium said...

ADD? Sounds more like trying to work in grand central station. Two words for you: College Library. If you don't have a college library, then at least a library. Bring your OWN coffee (and a snack). And don't go during toddler story hour unless your toddler is with you. GOOD LUCK!!!

Sue said...

Funny! I am impressed you even sat down and attempted to work in B and N. I would just have looked at books for 4 hours and eaten for 2. Hmm, maybe that would have been the other way around with the Panera near by....

coffespaz said...

Too funny!! As you can probably tell I am in the middle of writing some letters to our clients.

Hmmm...seems to be going about as well as your efforts yesterday. Wanna meet me at B&N?

Teresa said...

Funny. Funny. Funny!

I love your honesty and humor. You're not done with your assignment but your day sure made for a great blog post! :)

shelly k said...

"I have nothing against piercings...I am an artist, remember? I have had my share of them"

I just really want to know what all you had pierced besides your ears?

The Journey Begins Here said...

That's funny, Shelly...I was thinking the same thing (about the piercings). We live in the ADD world with my 9 year old. Then I realized that my one bad gene and his one bad gene got together to produce HER. I'd say we all have ADD in this house. Thanks for a good laugh. Theresa

Christina said...

LOL you crack me up! I LOVE the turkey artichoke from Panera...YUM LOL

Tracy said...

I too have developed ADD. It's funny but I could swear I didn't have it before I had my kids. I think that maybe I gave them too many of my braincells. That's the story I'm sticking to anyway. You can borrow it if you'd like!

Shellie said...

I AM the mom of kids like that, and it takes great self control to raise them. I often wish that I could mother myself because I'm almost as bad as them! I know they came by it honestly on both sides but my symptoms have gotten worse with age by association.

Shellie said...

Hey, Sensory Perception Disorder accompanies all our ADD too! I'm sure we could have a real gabfest on that one :)

Donna J. Shepherd said...

Very funny. Yes, I'm supposed to be working right now, but reading blogs is so much more fun!

Donna said...

If only your assignment was to write about your day. It does sound very similar to any assignment I would try to do in my life. Oh and it doesn't matter if I was at B&N or a room in the library, if I wasn't into the assignment it wasn't getting done!