Monday, February 14, 2011

Tell me, baby, who do ya looove?

 <3 It's Valentine's Day! <3

For those of you who are single, happily divorced, unhappily divorced, still searching or whatever...
I am here to ask," Do YOU  have a VALENTINE?"

And I am here to tell you, "Yes, you do."

And for those of you who ARE married or in a serious relationship...
I am here ask, "Do YOU have a VALENTINE that ISN'T your significant other?"

And I am here to tell you, "Yes, you do."

Let me explain:

A couple nights ago I got into a pretty deep conversation with a pretty depressed teen. I don't know her that well, so I don't know the back story that caused all the self-hate that she is struggling with. But I jumped in with both feet and we started chatting.

NEWSFLASH: If a teen opens up to matter WHO it is...stop everything you are doing and listen! Teens are notorious for blocking out adults - if you find yourself in a conversation with one and it starts to get deep...take a deep breath, there is a reason YOU are on the receiving end. It could be your gentle spirit that is attracting them...who knows, but don't pass up the opportunity to give your time away. The few, what may seem like, simple insights you share may just change their life.

So, anyway, this high schooler (we will change her name and call her Trisha), Trisha, was in a relationship but found herself falling for a boy who she considered her best friend. She was in a quandary and wanted some advice so we sat and chatted.

Through our conversation I found out that she and the current boyfriend fight but don't really talk a lot. (that's the norm among teen dating in case you didn't know) But the best friend is sensitive, he always tells her she is pretty and worth his time, that he would do anything to make her smile, etc.

So, I asked her, in a non-condescending way, what seemed obvious for me, "Why would you want to stay with Boy A when Boy B seems like such a better choice."

Our conversation got pretty personal and touched on some pretty painful details.

But when she told me he hated everything about herself and there was nothing about her to love, the DING DING DING-ing in my head solved her problem. She needs to love herself before she can ever give that love away. She can pretend to love, but it won't be fulfilling and beautiful. She can fake it but it won't ever take her breath away. It will never be magical.

Trisha and I are working on her issues and have built a sweet mentor/mentee relationship over the last few weeks.

But that is what brings me to my original VALENTINE'S DAY question for you...

"Do YOU have a VALENTINE?"

After reading this story about my conversation with Trisha, I hope the earth shakes with a resounding...

You know the phrase, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't no body happy." Well, this is along those same lines.

Today as a gift to yourself, focus on the things that you LOVE about yourself.

Start with the obvious:
Maybe your hair could make a wig jealous
Your boobs are so perky they can almost look you in the eye (i hate you, btw)
You get the picture.

Then go deeper:
I am a compassionate friend
I give good advice

Then, BE YOUR OWN VALENTINE this year.
It feels good.
C'mon, you are worth it!

Here's one of those Conversation Hearts for you - from me - no calories and no gross chalk flavor!
(can someone tell me WHY those things are so popular, anyway? BLECH!)

Peace out, Mamas!