Take a deep breath and count to...

Ten? Isn't that what you are supposed to count to when you are frustrated? . Well, what about when you have reached new heights of frustration? The heights that make you want to pull your eyelids off just to make a statement? Then what do you count to? Or do you not count at all? Maybe there is a new level of frustration elimination for those of us with no eyelids. . I think my 2-year old is trying to break me. He is either a shape-shifter and is actually a 45-year old man hired by the CIA to do torture testing on middle American moms or I have simply hit my limit with #3. . This little dude stretches me like no other child has. I have taught all ages of children - I was a HS art teacher for goodness sake! I have two older children who are only 15 months apart - I thought that was stretching it...nope...not even close. . My precious little blond-haired, blue-eyed cupid can now unlock locked doors. While I am trying to relieve myself in peace (see previous post about being constipated) and my older ones have friends over so there is a need to have the door closed AND LOCKED. He now, uses his little tiny fingers and gently turns the lock and out he goes leaving me quite vulnerable on my Throne. And, no, of course I can't reach the door to shut it without getting up and walking...ummm, yeah, not so pretty! . This sweet little chubby-cheeked babe has grown a fraction of an inch and can now reach OVER the baby gates and release them whenever he darn-well pleases. His first inclination is to run up the stairs to his brother's room, scale the bedspread and jump under the covers on a too-tall-for-him bed. He got farther ahead of me this time and by the time I jogged to the top of the stairs (thinking I had collapsed a lung, of course) and there he was...under the covers, head on the pillow, iPod ear buds in place and Nintendo DS in hand. See, shape-shifter, I just know it! . My 27.5 pound little guy could win a medal in "keep away." You know the game...half-way around the kitchen island with a cupcake in each hand...peek, sees Mommy headed his way...half-way the OTHER way around the kitchen island with icing on his nose and squeezing the bejeebies out of what used to be cupcakes from the sheer excitement of seeing my face start to twitch. Can you have a stroke just from toddler-induced stress? . A quite imaginative little one, he has now decided that every air conditioning/heating vent in the house is a slide for all of his toys. He carefully and quietly rounds the corner with toy/car/small family pet in hand, squeezes his puny fingers between the fins of the grate and removes it only to squeal, "WWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" as he sends his little friend down for the ride of its life! . His newest obsession? The DVD player. He knows exactly which of his toy totes when turned upside down makes him just tall enough to reach the open/close button and what fun that is. Dinosaur in..."close"...grind, grind...nope, doesn't fit Bob the Builder vehicle?..."close"...crunch, squeal...nope. Pacifier?..."close"...lurch, crank...LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WE HAVE A WINNER!! Of course, now his beloved "Boo," as he calls it, is in there for life because the $#@#$% thing won't open again...and it's an all out temper tantrum while shrieking "BOO! BOO!" at 47 decibels above human hearing level!! . You are thinking, "Just chill, lady. It's just what toddlers do!" . But, is it typical for this to take place inside a 30 minute time frame?!! . Has anyone see my eyelids?