Saturday, November 17, 2007

Tagged again...WOW! I feel so loved...

Alrighty, you people know me so well. Tracy at Rambling Thoughts...tagged me! Check out her blog! She is hysterical!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE doing these MEME thingies...except I don't get the word. MEME. What's that all about? Anyone know? 8 Embarrassing Things About ME: 1. 6th grade gym class. High Jump. Tight jeans. RRrrrrip!!!! Need I say more? 2. At the movies with the boy I wanted to be more-than-just-a-friend, he slid his hand onto my knee. I never wanted that hand to leave as this was the first (and only) act that was more-than-just-friends. I kept my knees bent and resting on the back of the seat in front of us for the WHOLE movie. When the movie was over, his hand moved and I stood up...AND WENT STRAIGHT DOWN AGAIN! I was completely numb from the knees down and now had my arm caught in the folding chair I tried to use to stop my fall. I wanted to DIE! 3. While taking the SATs I was nervously flinging my #2 pencil between my thumb and forefinger when the rhythm got away from me and (insert the BIONIC WOMAN jumping sound here) it FLUNG all the way across the room and hit the girl in the corner, right in the chest. 4. My long-time college boyfriend always took me to Philadelphia to see The Nutcracker Ballet. We would get all dressed up, go out for a fancy dinner and then out to the show. We felt so grown up. The last time we went it was horrible weather. Icy rain and very cold. We were running late, got turned around coming out of the parking garage so we were doing more than a brisk walk down a very slippery sidewalk. My feet were freezing and cramped into my way-too-tight shoes when we hit the apron of the sidewalk that gently declines to the street. Well, there was nothing gentle about my decline when I hit that apron. I don't know what was louder, the squeal I let out when I felt myself going down, the screech of my heels on the icy pavement or the beet-red face of my boyfriend who clenched his teeth, yanked my arm and growled, "GET UP!" 5. While waiting to have my seat assigned to take the GREs I sat in a desk along the front of the gymnasium, facing those who had been seated already. There were hundreds of test-takers but it was completely silent...until someone coughed and the the hollow echo would last forever. It was freezing and my hands were raw so I grabbed my purse to find my lotion. CRAP! It was frozen from being in my car all night. I popped the lid and gave it a shot...squeeeeeze. Nothin'. Well, I had time, I would just massage the tube to soften the lotion. I kneaded and squeezed, kneaded and squeezed but after a few minutes I was on auto pilot and evidently applied a little too much pressure to the now-thawed lotion. With the loudest PHHLPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLHHHHHPLLLLHHHPPPPPPPPHH (fake flatulence sound) you have ever heard and hundreds of faces staring at me I now had lotion covering my face and dripping into my lap from my hair. What is it about standardized tests that make me freak out? 6. Stepping into the baby pool with my kids in hand, I hit a very slippery spot on the painted cement bottom and went DOWN like a cinder block onto my back, pulling my children down with me. I could have brushed it off and pretended it didn't happen except the 8" oval brush burn/bruise on the back of my right thigh was a dead give-a-way! 7. Walking through a local mom-and-pop grocery store in my Amish Country hometown, we passed a traditional Amish woman in all black; bonnet, fringed shawl, dress, apron, stockings and shoes. She was an older lady whose posture had seen better days. Almost as if in slow motion, I saw my daughter's eyes lock on the woman. Her eyes took on a frenzied look and her mouth flew open. As all this was happening, I was scurrying to get past the woman before whatever Emily was going to say would make it out of her lips! But, much to my chagrin she squealed, "Look, Mama! It's the wicked witch of the West!" 8. And lastly, my favorite funny from my mom! It didn't embarrass ME, but she will be embarrassed for the rest of her life! My mom is a saint. Think Mother Theresa. Princess Di. A gentle, quiet soul who has nothing bad (or foul) to say...EVER! BUT...the very first time she met my in-laws (who weren't my in-laws, yet) they were talking about restaurants in a casual conversation. My in-laws asked if they had ever been to FUDRUCKERS. My mom said "No." but remembered seeing one in passing and said to my dad, "Hey, honey, where were we when we saw that RUDF*CKERS?" She slapped her hands across her mouth so hard I think she saw stars. I don't think she breathed for 5 whole minutes. The rest of us howled with laughter!! OK....whew! That took awhile. But I am not good with "keeping it simple." I am going to tag ANYONE who wants to do this - consider yourself tagged...just give me a shameless plug when you do it...puh-lease??!

17 comments:

SOUL: said...

of course i love the fudruckers one!!! "))

and btw i HATE to shop too!!!!
thanks for stoppin by today.

you'll have to come by tomorrow and hear what i bought. i think i made a huge mistake. oops.
happy night to ya

All moments remembered said...

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http://allmomentsremembered.com/store/page42.html

Stacey

Mommy Cracked said...

I STILL can't get FudRUCKERS right to this day! LOL! That list was great!

Tracy said...

Your list was so.frippin.funny! I would have to say that my favorite is a tie between the lotion and the bionic pencil fling. You and I sound so alike. I have this thing about me that if something is going to happen, it will definately happen to me. I think that my oldest may have been blessed with it too.
Thanks for the shout out too!

Portia said...

wow, those were some good stories. a little painful at times, but hilarious! so good of you to share:)

kim said...

I'm so glad you commented on my blog -- you have a fun blog here.

Love the laughing baby videos too.

Bee said...

THAT WAS HIL----wait for it----ARIOUS!!!
Especially the one about fallin and your boyfriend getting embarrased! And the lotion flatulence and your mom... well they were all funny!;o)

kristabella said...

OMG, I loved the standardized tests ones. The SAT one is something that has happened to me SO many times!

Too, too funny!

Andrea said...

ROTFL!!! Those were really funny. Love tgat bionic pencil.

My Semblance of Sanity said...

SO glad you could all get a good laugh at my expense!
HAHA
That's what life's all about, right? Putting yourself out there!!

Samantha said...

Those were hilarious! I noticed that more than one were centered on your falling! Your story about Fudruckers sure does take me back to my high school days when my bf and I went there for desert all the time! Too funny :)

Erin said...

I think I almost wet myself when I read the one about the frozen lotion. Oh, my goodness is that funny.

Carl & Kathy Heppner said...

Thanks for the compliments on my blog! And this post is absolutely hilarious. It made my husband laugh so hard he started to cough uncontrollably. I will definitely be back to read more!

Leanne said...

Lol. Thanks for the smiles.

I love your little one's comment.

And if the boyfriend REALLY did growl at you for falling when in heels on ice then it's GOOD that this was the last time you went to the show with him. :)

Melanie said...

Those were hilarious! Thanks for the good laugh- at your expense.

Melek said...

hysterical. i laughed and laughed...

Andrea said...

HA HA HA HA!! Now those were good for a laugh! I loved your mom's Fudrucker's mix-up! My mom would've D-I-E-D too!!