Oh, and then there was THIS..."D O N 'T T O U C H T H E P O O P!!!"
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
There's a BRAIN in my yard...
This yummy mushroom was quietly sitting (because some mushrooms are unruly?) in the wet morning grass this morning. It was bigger than my fist! You can tell by the size of the clover it is plopped on. HUGE! Gross!
My feet hit the dew-covered grass WAY too early in the morning. That's when we found the brain. Every morning my youngest (an early-riser) opens his eyes, calls to me from the crib and as soon as he sees my face he smiles and then says, "Ow-see-yi?" Translation: "How about taking me outside this fine morning, Mom. I know you haven't had your coffee and you could probably skin a wild boar with your breath, but wouldn't walking around in the wet grass in your bare feet, without a bra just make your day?"
So many of you leave comments about how GOOD I am when it comes to crafts and creative stuff. How I am not afraid to make a mess and let me kids have a great time creating something that will probably go down in history as the most beads on a single piece of paper! But I don't do everything in my Mommy Job description with that much vigor!
Well, I can't stand playing outside! OK?! That's where you are one up on me! I don't know what it is. My kids are always outside and we play soccer, hide and seek, we sled, we have lemonade stands but I don't love strolling around, chasing balls off the street, catching lightening bugs, etc. I just don't. (Shhhh. My kids don't know this!)
I guess it goes along with the CAMPING ISSUE I have! I have the same complaints about being outside in my own yard as I have about camping in a tent.
BUGSAlthough I am not afraid of bugs, honestly...they really don't bother me, I just feel assaulted by them when I step out the door. I would never choose to WEAR a spider web in my hair. I would never put ants in my shoes on purpose. And if you don't want to get stepped on, get the heck outta my way! Don't just sit there!
And, under NO circumstances should I have to go NINJA on a praying mantis to get my caffeine fix! For these reasons, being outside and vying for my own personal space is a little too high maintenance for me.
I am really uncomfortable with sweat. I don't like to feel it drip. I can't stand when my clothes stick to me. I prefer climate control. I just like to be dry! And I just lo(insert sarcastic voice)ooove that at 7:00 am, while we are already playing 'ow-see-yi', the career moms drive by all primped and pretty with their AC cranked! They wave as I quickly wipe yesterday's makeup out from under my eyes and hope they don't notice I am in the same sweatpants I was in when I saw them at WalMart the day before. (nope, no pictures of this category!)
My youngest doesn't really play...with anything. He just bounces around from garage to sandbox to neighbor's playset to swings to under the deck to the street and so on and so on and so on. He also has selective hearing, he is 3, that's his job! So, I calmly call to him as he crosses the line from our yard to the neighbor's. My voice gets a bit firmer as he makes a run for their cat.
I start to yell when he heads for their garage and I am still stuck under the neighbor's deck. In he goes, grabs the toy of his choice and darts around the other side of their house. And the chase is on...all the while they are sitting at the table eating breakfast and watching me run through their backyard like it's some kind of obstacle course.
...and this is what I left behind. I thought maybe, just maybe, I could sit and sip my coffee in my favorite mug and enjoy my current read while he played in the sand! Nope. Not today.