Monday, August 11, 2008

Did I say that? THE CONTEST!

As moms we have all had those moments where we wish we could stuff our words back into our mouths, brace ourselves and swallow hard...voila! Gone! Oh how I wish I could do that sometimes. Based on what you all came up with for the last contest, I would venture a guess that you have had a few "Uh OH!" moments as well when your tongue gets the best of you because of your kids! Sometimes it's because we speak before we think and we say something we clearly shouldn't have. "Guys, if you can clean your rooms before lunch I will take you to Chuck E. Cheese (and instead of stopping there) and you each get $20 to spend on tokens." Do you know how many frickin' games you can play at 'Chuck E. Hell' with $20? Times THREE kids?! "If you don't stop the arguing you will NOT have a sleepover at [insert friend's name here] and you will stay home with me all day!" When your child is on your last nerve, why, why, WHY would you threaten to be a part of that pain for the rest of the day? Pick something else, take away her Wii privileges, send her to her room, GIVE HER A TATTOO for goodness sake but get her out of the house! Well, as moms there are also things we say INSIDE our house that we never intend for the general public to hear. We have strange nicknames for body parts, little goofy songs we sing and even imaginary friends we have general commentary with throughout the day; anything to appease the natives! But, just like we don't talk to the checkout girl about our favorite tampons, we don't need to use the 'secret family lingo' outside of our front doors. But how many times have we done just that and been mortified? Well, do I have a story for you! We live in Amish Country so it is not out of the ordinary to share your personal space with someone who feels the fact that you are showing your ankles is beyond inappropriate. It's a throw-back to the last century. Well, one of my favorite places to do the grocery shopping was a place called Shady Maple, it is owned and operated by Mennonites. The fresh food they have available is amazing and well-worth the not-so-updated feel of the interior of the store. It is also usually crammed with Amish and Mennonites, too, so I have always been mindful of how we dress when we shop there. No tank tops, normal-length shorts or capris. We wouldn't want to give any of the wide brim hats a stroke! You can't even buy make-up or hair products there, so a bare thigh may just send them all to church! One day we were doing our shopping and weaving in and out of the little bearded ladies (I kid you not) we walked down the crowded baby aisle in an attempt to get to the back of the store faster. As I slowed down to get around an Amish woman and her 7 kids under the age of 8, I spied the pacifier rack. A wave of nostalgia came over me as it had only been about 6 months since my almost-twins gave up what we called their "boos." (Their first pacifiers had Pooh on them and they called him "boo" so the name just caught on.) At that moment, I stopped dead in my tracks and didn't care that I was blocking twenty-six conservative moms and their trillion kids. I took a deep breath, smiled and remembered a time when I used to purchase those Pooh-faced pacifiers at least once a month. It gave me a twinge of a tear and I moved on. But, before walking far enough away that no one could hear me, I uttered the words that has kept me from that store ever since, "Oh guys, Mommy sure misses buying boos." At first I didn't understand the collective gasp and bonnet-heads spinning like Amish Linda Blairs, then it dawned on me, the above quote is what I SAID... but what they HEARD was, "Oh guys, Mommy sure misses buying BOOZE!" Rather than stutter through a blushed explanation, I took off running toward the back of the store, grabbed my lunchmeat, went through the check out and tried not to hit a horse and buggy as I squealed my tires out of the parking lot! It's rare for me to go back there. So, I have bared it all! What exactly was it that YOU said to your children in public that gave you the urge to stick your size 7's in YOUR mouth? Fess up ladies! Yes, there is another NAMESAKE as the prize and yes, the blogger who refers the winning quote wins one, too! **** Check out the article that AMAZING BLOGGER Manic Mommy wrote about ME! Yes, ME! It's a GREAT article and I am flattered to have had Manic Mommy write about ME!****


Manic Mom said...

Ha, you are too kind. It was the easiest article I've ever written! LOL!

Julie said...

Okay, I'm going to try ONCE AGAIN to win a namesake!!!

"Yes honey, those ARE mommy's nipples, but no one else in the grocery store wants to see them..." (Said just in time for the elderly gentleman walking down the same aisle to give me the "look")

Wani said...

As parents, we try to instill good manners in our children. The other day the boys and I were getting some lunch and I brought Nate his food. Automatically I remind him to say "thank you" but I said "Tell mommy thank you for being so thoughtful". Nate replies: "Thanks fer bein' awful". Aw... now thats appreciation right there!

Anonymous said...

Well, it's not something I said TO my child, but it's still her fault. I hope it counts. I'm a single mom that works fulltime, so I get a little confused about who I'm talking to at times. I was at work and one of my male colleges was asking for some paperwork. Before I realized it, I said, "I'll get it in just a minute. Mommy has to pee-pee." Yeah, that was awkward.

Anonymous said...

I raised one daughter and a few part time "I need a Place to live for a while" kids..

One of those girls was my daughter's best friend and she just needed to finish up highschool after her parents she stayed with us..

I never really was too serious about life,,so you never knew what would be fun.. of course..

Foster Daughter was struggling with History and had a test to take.. we were in town and she was kind of worried about getting home and studying...

In Wal-Cart..

Mom,, can we hurry up.. I need to study for that test..

Me: Stop worrying about it.. just wear a short skirt and no undies tomorrow!!

ok,, it was an inside family joke that only the girls and I were in the couple that over-heard it were not impressed..


Anonymous said...

I actually told my teenage son that if he graduated high school on time (he was failing in a couple of classes senior year) I would get a tattoo. Crud I hope he doesn't make me do it!!!

Lori Hogan