Friday, August 8, 2008

Cocktails in the morning...

cock·tail /ˈkɒkˌteɪl/ –noun ~ an eclectic mixture or miscellaneous collection. (see, I was not referring to alcohol!) This morning I was longing for something; an IV of something that would just take me away...like one of those CALGON MOMENTS! (I am dating myself with that old commercial reference). I never found it but it wasn't for lack of trying. So, since I look to Kate Gosselin (my BFF!) from Jon & Kate + 8 to entertain me with her chaotic life, I will PAY IT FORWARD and entertain you with a gaze into a typical morning in the Brownlow house! It's 7:30 am and as I grab the first ingredient to my cocktail, I can hear a motor kind of sound. A faint, distant, "nnnnnrrrrrrrrrrrrr." For lack of a better idea, I yell to the baby, "What are you doing?" He replies, "mow. me mow." I scratch my head as I scoop the coffee grounds into the filter. Mow? He's mowing? "Shaving! He is shaving!" I screech as I run passed my other kids to meet him at the bottom of the stairs. Holding his "weapon of choice" my 3-year olf showed me how Daddy "mowed" with the electric razor. Promptly confiscated. I dump the 2nd cocktail ingreds (creamer and sweet & low) into the cup and kneel down onto his level. "Please, stop mowing your face. That is Daddy's mower. Only Daddy is old enough to mow his face." As I tapped my finger, waiting for the third ingredient for my cocktail, drip...drip...drip... he proceeded to quickly complete the following tasks: ~ whacked the Wii remote against the pantry doors 43 times ~ turned off the TV ~ dialed 8-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3 on the phone ~ stole dirty dishes while I was emptying the dishwasher and hid them under the coffee table ~ figured out how to dismantle the child lock on the pantry and how to get out of the patio door ~ tried to snag camera off the counter As I am chasing him from corner to corner, clearing my scalp hair by hair, I try to empty the dishwasher, make coffee and simultaneously get the other two ready for camp while they sit and veg on the couch. As if there was nothing chaotic happening, my daughter whines, "Mom, what does foundation mean?" I say, "Give me a sentence." She replies with a puzzled look on her face, "I don't have one." I flash the puzzled look right back at her! Did brain matter ooze out of my ear while I was wrestling the dog's tail away from the baby? I have no idea what she is saying. Then my oldest starts spouting, " Mom! I get to be Lucario!" (Pokemon Wii game) Faking interest, I squawk, "Wow, bud! Great!" "Come look. He is not usually this color. He is usually blue with white but I made him this sort of gray." "Fun!" "Come on, look!" I grumble, shove some brain back into my head, burn my lips on my caffeine cocktail as I stop making their camp snacks to go look at some Wii beast that appears to have the DNA of a trashcan; he's all metally-looking. woo-freakin-hoo. "Wow. He's cool bud. Why is he doing th....Woah, what is th....ugh, I just don't get video games." "Mooooooom!" Then it hits me! I have to "go"! You know, the bathroom! Those of you who read my blog regularly, you may remember THIS POST! Going number 2 is usually NOT an option for me except for during naptime...but something about caffeine on an empty stomach does it to me every time! So, much to my chagrin, I take his little hand and we head into the torture chamber powder room together. It wasn't more than 3 minutes later...you know that time frame...let's just say the magazine was opened to the article I had been trying to read for like 5 years was finally being read and... he lets himself out. He closes the door behind him which, of course, locks with the baby lock. Fat feet flap across the kitchen floor. I try to hurry. I strained to hear where he was, how close he was to the bathroom door and what he was doing. I heard a lot of crinkling. I needed to see what he was into but I wasn't "done," *smash!* OK, now I had to be done. I walked out of the bathroom and find the dog fully surrounded by ice cubes and popsicles. A sort of toddler altar to all things cold, I suppose! Silly me, I thought I might get a shower before taking the kids to camp. I am tired of looking like I just rolled out of bed when I drop the kids off. My youngest is usually up sometime after 6am, so by the time I get to camp, I have been up for over 3 hours! I am sure the make-up-wearing-ready-for-a-date teen counsellors are thinking, "What does she do all morning? Why can't she at least fit a shower in before she gets here? Gag me." (Yep, dating myself again) So, this morning my cocktail consisted of 'coffee and chaos'...just a little more than I bargained for. TGIF! The CONTEST (see post below) will run through 10 pm EST Sunday, so it is not too late to spread the word and join in the fun!

5 comments:

Mabunny said...

HAHAHA Michelle. I too get 'that' feeling at the most inappripriate moments. Sounds like you have to have eyes in the back of your head with the baby - can we say nickname him Curious George?

caroline said...

That's fabulous! I work outside the home, as well as have 3 kids (ages 9, 6, 4) and there are many days that I'm sure my coworkers wish I could get my act together! I get up at 430 and we all leave the house at 7. One would think there is plenty of time to shower/brush hair/iron clothes/SOMETHING to make it look like I tried to look decent. But with three kids, there's never enough time for that! Thanks for keeping it real. It's Saturday, so I'm off for my Calgon moment.... (yes, I remember those too!)

This Mom said...

You keep making me pee my pants. SO not nice. I had to go back and read more things you never thought you would say. And my kids thought I was loosing my mind because I was laughing at my computer so hard. THANKS

Megryansmom said...

Seriously, you know Kate? Like personally? Wow

Shelley said...

Wow, your little guy is just like my 3 year old. I swear, he went through a phase where he would make at least one HUGE disaster every day. We're talking laying the bleach bottle on it's side and jumping off mom's bed onto the bottle, sending bleach squirting across the carpet kind of disasters...E.V.E.R.Y. Day!!! And they only have to be out of sight for like 3.5 seconds!