Saturday, December 1, 2007

A "Home" for the Holidays...

My husband is a NEAT FREAK, a self-proclaimed minimalist, a person who gets rid of everything that he has not worn/used/looked at or thought about in the last 6 months. He is also the person who appears a little OCD when it comes to organization. The man's closet looks like a department store. Everything needs to have a home. A FRIPPIN' HOME FOR EVERYTHING! It's a rule. It's how he functions. I am an ARTIST, a self-proclaimed pack-rat, a person who saves anything that is in any way connected to a "story," a person who can explain why the petrified piece of chewed gum smooshed into a used tissue qualifies as a memento, a person who saved her skinny clothes from college "just in case." A person who knows she would look like a freak walking into the grocery store with her wide-striped GAP rugby and her pegged, acid-washed jeans but she'd have the satisfaction of being in her skinny clothes. I have a bulimic closet that is constantly in the purge phase. It's a fun ride. It's how I function. When we moved into our current home 6 1/2 years ago, my husband and I were unpacking the boxes in the Master Bathroom...our first home with OUR OWN bathroom! Of course, he had purchased drawer organizers for every stinkin' drawer in the whole house and had even found one he "thought was perfect for cosmetics as the compartments are varying shapes and sizes." (ain't he cute?!) He stood over my shoulder as I put away my make-up into the little compartments. I tried to smile as he tried to give EVERYTHING A HOME with his back-seat organizing...Lord, help me! "Ooooo, uh, don't you think the mascara fits better in that tray?" "What if you put the eye shadow...is that what that is?...what if you put that over there?" "Hmmm...don't ya think it would make more sense to put everything in the order that you use it? That'd be cool, right?" ((insert gritting teeth behind pursed lips here!)) And then he took it a bit too far, "What if you put your tampons in the closet since they don't really go with your make up?" My eyes turned RED, my head spun around 3 or maybe 4 times and I actually thought about throwing away the sacred piece of petrified gum! I stood up, shook my super-absorbent box at him and yelled, " DO YOU WEAR THESE?" ((insert his deer in the headlight stare)) "I SAID, DO YOU WEAR THESE??!" "ummm, no." "Well, until you DO, how about you let me decide where to put them! Got it?!" "yep." I was digging through the black hole that is my purse this week..."I know my phone is in here somewhere...where the heck is my phone?"

This is when I realized that my purse is my ONLY sacred place. NO ONE goes in my purse but me...and an occasional child looking for gum.

My husband would go into fits if he know what my purse was HOME to...

Let's see:

  • Besides lipstick, cell phone, wallet, gum, etc.... there is a whole slew of UNACCEPTABLE items in here...
  • 2 bags of completely crushed cereal - in case I bump into the witch from Hansel and Gretel and I need to leave a trail...a very long trail
  • the between-the-toe thingies from my daughters pedicure...because I could always scrapbook them
  • a horrifically UGLY bracelet one of the kids "won" for me at the WalMart crane game...how can I throw that away?
  • many, many writing utensils
  • a "favor" from my writer's conference
  • a baggie filled with cough drops from when I was sick
  • a book of stamps...THAT'S where they are!
  • 23 receipts that I have yet to enter in my checkbook - yikes!
  • hand sanitizer...it is snot-dribbled grocery cart season - eeewww!
  • my alli compact filled with the promise to make me skinny again...oh, I have to take them?
  • a Barnes & Noble membership application...I suppose I need to do more than carry it in my purse to save the 10%, huh?
  • a napkin
  • a Cabella's coupon...because of how often I choose to see taxidermied animals in fake habitats, yuck! I have a hunter hubby...I, however, LOVE BAMBI!
  • a prison ministry pamphlet from the bell-ringer outside of WalMart who made my feel bad for having a hot coffee while he was freezing his 'bells' off.
  • court paperwork from our last court hearing...we are foster parents so we are in court almost as much as we visit my in-laws.
  • Oooooo, M&M minis, I didn't know these were in here...ya think anyone would notice if I finished them off?
  • earrings
  • Benadryl...which I carry ever since my 10-year old decided to be SEVERELY allergic to Buckwheat...I also have to carry an epiPen, too...UGH!
  • 2 packets of Splenda...just in case my sweet tooth gets the best of me I can have a quick shot or two
  • my stack of "calling cards" just in case I ever bump into a leading editor from a huge publishing house who overhears my conversation and thinks I am so rip-roarin' funny that I need a book deal!
  • random gum and candy wrappers

That's it...not so crazy...whats the craziest thing in YOUR purse? Should you be finding a HOME for those things? Would you like to borrow my husband to get your house in shape for the Holidays?

Tell me about it...

24 comments:

Chrissy said...

It's my first time here, and I'll definitely be back. Love the music, love the writing.

I have a teeny tiny purse so I won't be tempted to carry everything in the world with me, but the downside is it's often overflowing.

Carl & Kathy Heppner said...

Well, you definitely have some crazy stuff in your purse. But you're right, the purse is a sacred sanctuary for our packings. My husband is super organized, but he was smart and bought me a small purse. I have shoved a diaper and spare panties for my 3 year old daughter in there because I figured I didn't need the diaper bag. Ha! Then I end up putting my wallet in my jacket and jamming my keys into my jeans pocket because I don't have room in my purse. What sense is that?!

Tracy said...

I hadn't thought of my purse like that but it totally makes sense.
I call myself a "closet mess". On the outside, my world looks orderly and clean. In the closets, drawers, baskets, or anywhere else you can make a mess in, it's a disaster. I'm like you, I keep EVERYTHING. It's funny, but even on ordinary, nothing days, one of my kids will do something that I want to remember for the rest of my life.
The strangest thing I've found in my purse, and it's kind of gross, was the clamp for Peter's unbilical cord. I had washed it and put it in there so I could scrapbook it. The only problem is, he was a year old when I found it!

kay said...

haha i love this!! my minute with manic was about what was in my purse. holy cow what a mess. but you are right. your purse is the only place you have that no one is going to get into and try to overhaul!!

way to go with the tampons btw!!

Pam said...

I am a bit like your husband! Sorry! I am a everything has a home type person...I go through my clothes and get rid of anything I haven't worn in a year. In my defense, I always slide in this area when my children are infants. But, my purse, well, that is another story! There are walmart and target reciepts as well as gum and gum wrappers, crayons from the restaurants that hand them out, pens that work only on occasion, wallet, tissues (some used), and random things like comb, chapstick, lipstick, nail clipper, tampon, and bandaid. Oh and somewhere is my cell phone-most likely with a dead battery because I NEVER remember to charge it. So...while I am the OCD type- not in my purse!

Bia said...

No, I don't need to borrow your husband to get organized because my husband, too, is super neat. He's an engineer . . . could that have something to do with it? HE remembers our anniversary while I have to look it up on the engraving inside my wedding band. But, we're a perfect match! God bless!

SubWife said...

Oh, I can so relate. My husband is not a neat freak, but he is much, MUCH neater than me and that creates some tension from time to time (I am being very PC here). He would never look in my purse because he would have, God forbid, a heart attack. Craziest thing in my purse? Too embarassing, but I have been known to have some crazy stuff in there: pantyhose with a run (were there for several weeks before removed), film (haven't used film camera in over two years), all kinds of outdated paper stuff (I am the worst with paper), makeup that I never use, Subway metrocard that expired a while ago, Subway cards without any balance on them, pacifier, diaper (carried to work) and many, many more things that never belonged there. Right now I have been carrying a small purse, and even then I have a loose antibiotic pill that I never took and quite a few coupons that expired. Oh yeah, and a list of things to purge for some irony... Sigh... Organizing sucks.

Lizzy in the Burbs said...

Yes, actually, I could use your husband's organizational services. When can he come over? :) My purse is not only my safe haven, but apparently everyone elses, too. It doesn't matter if we're just running to the grocery store for a gallon of milk or taking a three day road trip, somehow I end up carrying everybody elses junk! Right now I have my husband's GPS thingy in there (lest it be stolen out of the car), an umbrella (because we had freezing rain yesterday), a pair of socks (just incase my son needed them during his basketball game, I don't know what that is all about), a candy bar that my husband purchased for fund raising, oh, and my wallet. Wow! Something that belongs to ME!

Cheryl said...

When I had housemates, one year at Christmas we were decorating the tree and one of our friends from church was helping us. We were just about done with the tree when we realized we needed an extension cord. Our friend dug in her purse and whipped one out "saying I brought it just in case you needed one". She had everything but the kitchen sink, it seemed, in her purse. Thanks for bringing back some great memories!

Thank you for visiting my blog and leaving a comment. I truly appreciate it.

Take care.
Cheryl

Andrea said...

I wish my husband could be more like yours, then maybe there would be some organization to the mess in our house. I am like you. You should see my purse too!! I am with you on the closet too!

Tara said...

My purse is also my "sanctuary" where noone visits unless specifically told to so by yours truly!
In my purse, I have BOTH of my sons epi-pens. My goodness, not too smart if he inhales a butter filled cookie while with his father and I am out shopping. I have a stash of splenda, too - love it. A pair of socks for my daughter -- never fails we go to the Mall of America and she can't go on the jumper because she has NO socks. I also have a daily devotional - comes in handy while I am standing in line with angry Christmas shoppers.
And for some reason, I currently have one of those stupid McDonald toys in there -- not sure how it found his way into my safe haven! Think I will have to go have a little talk with Carlie!

Too Little Time said...

I rarely use a purse... I carry a wallet in a pocket. If I carry a purse than the wallet is in it in a locker when I finally get 2 min at work to think about food. So.... I only carry the wallet in my pocket for easy access. I do have two 2 empty purses in my car, just in case. And that OCD everything in its place spouse - I could be in love :) Karrie

Just-Me-Jen said...

Actually, my purse is the only thing that IS organized...
But sure, send hubby on over to help me declutter the house!
On second thought, nevermind - he'd make me throw too much stuff out...

Lisa said...

Oh please send him on over to our house. I used to keep everything, but as our family has grown and our house has shrunk, I am turning into a thrower. My kids ask "where does this go?" I say "if you have to ask, throw it away". My hubby is a major packrat. He has got a whole room in the basement, a shed, an the garage full of crap- I mean treasures. We NEED to get organized here! aaaggghh I might lose my sanity if we don't.
Lisa
http://rollinwiththepunches.blogspot.com

Michelle said...

Very funny!

I own a neat freak too. Sometimes it's cute, sometimes he just gets on my last nerve.

As to the purse, I downsized, figuring that if the purse was smaller, I wouldn't put so much junk in it. No such luck, now I just can't get my hand in there to find things!

Zoe said...

i would have demonstrated where he could stick those tampons. however, i would love for him to come organize my house. it needs it. there is a ton of stuff in my purse...mostly papers...but nothing really out of the unusual for a mom.

Liz in Ink said...

Yes, I'd like to borrow your husband. This is funny and I'm sympathetic. I think we might have the same purse. Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day...

Anonymous said...

My house is a wreck, but my purse is organized. I can find anything in it with my eyes closed. (I did that on purpose.) I have a planner, a notebook, an envelope of coupons, another of photographs, a small pack of tissues, a small hairbrush, Wite-Out, three pens (ballpoint, ink, and permanent), small lotion, small toothpaste, a travel toothbrush, dental floss, nail clippers, nail file, gum, and I don't know what else without looking, but if I need it, it's there!

Shellie said...

See my October 7th post for a typical list of what goes in my purse. The weirdest thing ever? It's a toss up between a bra, and a stretchy lizard surgically fused from the top of one lizard and the bottom of another lizard with a screw.

Rayven said...

You have WRITING UTENSILS in your purse??? I am so unbelievably jealous! I can't find a pen to save my life. Or scissors. Anywhere. House, car, purse, you name it. I swear the aliens are taking them. That along with one single sock from each pair.

kristi said...

WOWZA..you keep a lot of stuff in that little purse! I just found your blog, I am adding you to my blogroll!!

Anonymous said...

I switched to a smaller purse when the big overstuffed type was cutting off the circulation in my neck/shoulder and making my arm numb!However, even a small purse can hold a lot of stuff. I leave one compartment open, but it is packed so tightly that you almost have to hold it down with a foot and grab what you need out of it with two hands and yank with all your might to wrestle it free.
On a recent trip to DMV in a nearby city, a woman kindly pointed out to me that my purse was open. (Isn't that funny? Warning me to close up my purse because of where I was?) I thanked her, but didn't bother to explain that it wasn't really a problem.
Funny post.
KR

Real World Martha said...

I loved finding your site. I will be praying for the little boy.
I enjoyed this story as I have this fight with myself. I am the bottom of 5 children and the age difference is 7 yrs younger then the next sibling and 13 from the oldest. I am part first born (a place for everything/plastic furniture people) and part baby (artistic). I am a mess :)
Blessings,
Debbie aka The Real World Martha(S)
http://realworldmartha.wordpress.com

Bigmammy said...

You all sound like me and my husband....It drives me crazy at times, but I am thankful that part of the house gets organized:)