My husband is a NEAT FREAK, a self-proclaimed minimalist, a person who gets rid of everything that he has not worn/used/looked at or thought about in the last 6 months. He is also the person who appears a little
OCD when it comes to organization. The man's closet looks like a department store. Everything needs to have a home. A
FRIPPIN' HOME FOR EVERYTHING! It's a rule. It's how he functions.
I am an ARTIST, a self-proclaimed pack-rat, a person who saves anything that is in any way connected to a "story," a person who can explain why the petrified piece of chewed gum
smooshed into a used tissue qualifies as a
memento, a person who saved her skinny clothes from college "just in case." A person who knows she would look like a freak walking into the grocery store with her wide-striped GAP rugby and her pegged, acid-washed jeans but she'd have the satisfaction of being in her skinny clothes. I have a bulimic closet that is constantly in the purge phase. It's a fun ride. It's how I function.
When we moved into our current home 6 1/2 years ago, my husband and I were unpacking the boxes in the Master Bathroom...our first home with OUR OWN bathroom! Of course, he had purchased drawer organizers for every
stinkin' drawer in the whole house and had even found one he "thought was perfect for cosmetics as the compartments are varying shapes and sizes." (ain't he cute?!)
He stood over my shoulder as I put away my make-up into the little compartments. I tried to smile as he tried to give EVERYTHING A HOME with his back-seat organizing...Lord, help me!
"
Ooooo, uh, don't you think the mascara fits better in
that tray?"
"What if you put the eye shadow...is that what that is?...what if you put that over
there?"
"
Hmmm...don't ya think it would make more sense to put everything in the order that you use it?
That'd be cool, right?"
((insert gritting teeth behind pursed lips here!))
And then he took it a bit too far,
"What if you put your tampons in the closet since they don't really
go with your make up?"
My eyes turned RED, my head spun around 3 or maybe 4 times and I actually thought about throwing away the sacred piece of petrified gum!
I stood up, shook my super-
absorbent box at him and yelled, " DO YOU WEAR THESE?"
((insert his deer in the headlight stare))
"I SAID, DO YOU WEAR THESE??!"
"
ummm, no."
"Well, until you DO, how about you let me decide where to put them! Got it?!"
"yep."
I was digging through the black hole that is my purse this week..."I know my phone is in here somewhere...where the heck is my phone?"
This is when I realized that my purse is my ONLY sacred place. NO ONE goes in my purse but me...and an occasional child looking for gum.
My husband would go into fits if he know what my purse was HOME to...
Let's see:
- Besides lipstick, cell phone, wallet, gum, etc.... there is a whole slew of UNACCEPTABLE items in here...
- 2 bags of completely crushed cereal - in case I bump into the witch from Hansel and Gretel and I need to leave a trail...a very long trail
- the between-the-toe thingies from my daughters pedicure...because I could always scrapbook them
- a horrifically UGLY bracelet one of the kids "won" for me at the WalMart crane game...how can I throw that away?
- many, many writing utensils
- a "favor" from my writer's conference
- a baggie filled with cough drops from when I was sick
- a book of stamps...THAT'S where they are!
- 23 receipts that I have yet to enter in my checkbook - yikes!
- hand sanitizer...it is snot-dribbled grocery cart season - eeewww!
- my alli compact filled with the promise to make me skinny again...oh, I have to take them?
- a Barnes & Noble membership application...I suppose I need to do more than carry it in my purse to save the 10%, huh?
- a napkin
- a Cabella's coupon...because of how often I choose to see taxidermied animals in fake habitats, yuck! I have a hunter hubby...I, however, LOVE BAMBI!
- a prison ministry pamphlet from the bell-ringer outside of WalMart who made my feel bad for having a hot coffee while he was freezing his 'bells' off.
- court paperwork from our last court hearing...we are foster parents so we are in court almost as much as we visit my in-laws.
- Oooooo, M&M minis, I didn't know these were in here...ya think anyone would notice if I finished them off?
- earrings
- Benadryl...which I carry ever since my 10-year old decided to be SEVERELY allergic to Buckwheat...I also have to carry an epiPen, too...UGH!
- 2 packets of Splenda...just in case my sweet tooth gets the best of me I can have a quick shot or two
- my stack of "calling cards" just in case I ever bump into a leading editor from a huge publishing house who overhears my conversation and thinks I am so rip-roarin' funny that I need a book deal!
- random gum and candy wrappers
That's it...not so crazy...whats the craziest thing in YOUR purse? Should you be finding a HOME for those things? Would you like to borrow my husband to get your house in shape for the Holidays?
Tell me about it...
