Thursday, September 4, 2008

between us girls...THE CONTEST for moms with daughters!

"The F-word means, pulling hair that's not on your head." "If you hold hands in public you could get pregnant." "Sharing a soda with a boy makes you look like a floozie." These are some of the heart-to-hearts MY mom had with HER mom. Back in the day. Back before cell phones, iPods and the dreaded Wii, mothers and daughters actually had time to sit and chat about life. Although, with chats like my Nanny had with my mom, I am not sure which is worse, having them or NOT having them. If you are a mom, most of your days are spent rushing around like Speedy Gonzales on crack. Bus stops, grocery shopping, work, the gym. Then whipping through the pick-up line at soccer practice only to spend the next 15 minutes tossing chicken nuggets to the back seat as your daughter changes out of cleats and into ballet slippers. Who's got time for good advice?
Sometimes I think to myself, "When does this ride stop? I don't remember being this busy as a kid." Then the panic sets in and I wonder what all I have been leaving out while I am carpooling to cheer and leaving late for guitar? Am I shaping my daughter into the wholesome, self-reliant, beautiful young woman I always dreamed she would be? Am I giving her all the tried and true tips (NOT my Nanny's!) of what is appropriate and what is not? Does she feel comfortable to talk to me when kids at school whisper about things she doesn't "get"?
Have you ever laid in bed at night and thought of all the things you said to your daughter that day and felt like a drill sergeant?
"Put that down."
"Grab your shoes."
"Clean your room."
"Stop looking in the mirror and look at me when I talk to you."
"Are you wearing make-up?"
"Tell me who that was on the phone." "No, you can't call HIM back!"
And, when we have a minute, when life slows down, what DO we talk about? Does your mind go blank? Does an OUT OF ORDER sign blink behind your eyelids? Now what? What do I say? What is she thinking? Should we have THE talk? Does she already know?
Do you feel lost? Wish you had a book?
*insert Hallelujah Chorus here*

Vicki Courtney is a best selling author, mom of teens, blogger and the creator of VirtuousReality.com. Her brand new "magabook" will have you and your girl(s) laughing like old friends, chatting about life and delving into conversations you couldn't have thought of on your own.

Laid out like a typical pre-teen magazine, between us girls is a fun jump into the life your daughter is already living. And you don't want to miss out on that. One of the 5 chapters is on the popularity of cell phones and iPods creatively discusses how having these things will not bring true happiness into her life and guides you in helping her to focus her energies away from material things and toward interests that really make a difference.

Fun surveys and and quizzes are sprinkled throughout, too. Bringing up your own embarrassing moments or how you felt about "cliques" when you were her age will open up the lines of communication and you will start to seem HUMAN to her. We all think our mothers were BORN in their 20s or 30s, when you share the story with your daughter about sneezing snot all over the homework of the boy you liked it will have no ill effect. I promise. Just lots of giggles!

Vicki Courtney was clever enough to also touch on subjects that are not easy ones to bring up like boobs, periods and body image while at the same time including crafts and silly stuff in between to ease the serious tone.

I have it! I love it! This has been a great resource to have floating around my home. A quick thing to pick up in between homework and baths to chat a little, connect and let her know I may be "mom" but I have also "been there, done that!"

Thanks to Vicki Courtney, I have TWO copies of her amazing magabook! You can win between us girls simply by sharing a nugget of advice your mom gave you. Be it funny, bizarre or heart-felt and meaningful. The blogger who refers the WINNING comment (not the most comments) will also receive a copy so PLEASE leave the referring blogger's link as well.

YAY!

Have fun with this! Blog about it! FWD it to friends! It may just change your relationship!

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

My mom's best advice is more pertinent to a young adult, but it's something I've never forgotten and will tell my own 2 daughters when they're considering marriage--"No one is perfect, so you have to decide which flaws and quirks you can live with and which ones you can't. You shouldn't go into a marriage (or any relationship) expecting to 'remodel' the other person 'cause it won't work."

Lisa M.

Diane B said...

OK, so this is actually in reference to all the Kate-is-evil-blah-blah-blah comments...I'm commenting here because I didn't know if you go back and read comments added.

I am the youngest of 8 kids...my parents had us one at a time. But you know what...8 kids is 8 kids. My mom had a hard and fast rule that the older ones don't raise the younger ones. She did it in the day and age of cloth diapers and husbands who don't cook, do laundry or change diapers.

That being said.....yes, Kate can seem harsh but did ANY of the critics watch the FIRST episode? Not of the series but the first hour or 2 documentary type thing. Jon and Kate were working around the clock. When he came home from work KATE went to work and worked a DOUBLE shift as a nurse.

Also, as a member of a large family I know how hard my parents worked so I could go to COLLEGE. (I have a BS, MS and doctorate) Don't you think MAYBE, just MAYBE, that is why Jon and Kate have agreed to a show? Not for greed but so their children will actually spend TIME with their parents? Not just watching them come and go from work?

Don't you think MAYBE Kate wants her babies (all 8) to have the option of GOING TO COLLEGE. Which they may not otherwise afford.

The show gives them an oppportunity to take 8 kids to Disneyland and many others places they likely wouldn't be able to afford. If Kate was as vain and selfish as some have stated, do you REALLY think she would allow cameras to catch her in moments where she would be critized, seem less than perfect or just plain human?

Regarding her Christianity. Judge not lest you be judged. But if you are going to....please consider. When a woman is informed she is carrying multiples (especially greater than 3) she is often advised of the "potential benefit" of "reducing" the pregnancy. Basically, you can terminate the life of a few of the fetuses to greater increase the success of the pregnancy. Don't you think maybe her CHRISTIANITY is what prevented her from doing that?

I don't know Kate. Honestly, I'm not a big fan of the show. However, when I surf through my little guy stops playing, points at the TV and says "Babies!" and we watch a little while. Oh crap, now I've opened myself up to critics... how dare I have a TV on with a child in the room! I'm clearly and awful parent!

Sorry for the book....my take home message is "Mean people suck". Stop tearing others down to feel better. Don't like Kate? Change the channel. It's.Just.That.Easy

Diane

Dream of Scrappin' said...

I would have to say that the best advice my Mom gave me is to pick your battles. I remember this as a child and even now when I am struggling with my kids, she will remind me to pick battles on things that are really important. Such as, as long as their hair is clean who cares, what color it is or how long, but doing something dangerous...drugs, hanging with the wrong crowd...this is where to battle.

This book sounds cool~thanks for the chance to win it.

Siobhan B.

Mississippi Mommy said...

Hi. Dawn from Because I Said So sent me over.

My mother told me to never pose for a photo I wouldn't want my grandmother to see. Considering that was 25 or so years ago, she was ahead of her time. Some of the things kids post on My Space would make any grandmother blush.

Tracy Fiebranz said...

I was one of the lucky ones because I had an AWESOME relationship with my mom for the first 40 years of my life. (Dad still tells people I am a virgin, after giving birth to 5 kids, on the other hand!) I think that my mom's strict Catholic upbringing is what caused her to be a better mom. She grew up in a time where 'good girls didn't do those things' and if they did, they were shipped off to convents to 'atone' for their sins or married the guy immediately. My mom talked to me about sex, life, love, everything, openly my whole life. So, when I heard strange things like "Make sure you keep an aspirin between your knees on a date and if you are going to sit on a guys lap, spread out a newspaper first" I'd scratch my head, laugh and talk to mom about it. She'd always set me straight no matter what! Why did she do that? Because the subject of oral sex came up when I was in 7th grade, and being a dope, I actually thought oral sex meant just talking about sex. My mom got a good laugh when I told her that, and then set me straight. (I can imagine the horrified look on my face when she told me EXACTLY what it really was!)

Bethany said...

My mom once told me "don't trouble Trouble unless Trouble troubles you." She was basically telling me to pick my battles.

She also told me not to confuse malicious intent with stupidity. It is sometimes hard to remember that just because someone did something to upset me doesn't mean they did in on purpose or understood what they were doing.

The Gang's All Here! said...

First, at Diane: You GO GIRL! I agree that Kate gets a bad rap from those not walking in her shoes. COME ON PEOPLE, I'd love to see any one of us handling the pace and the volume of life that she handles. She's a strong woman, with a strong personality and I think that's gonna make her kids STRONG ADULTS with a ton to contribute to the world around them and to the Kingdom of Heaven. Which is what all of us Christian mommies are trying to do anyway.

Finally, my mom's best advice is actually Biblical: "A soft answer turns away wrath." And "A merry heart is like medicine." She speaks both all the time and lives both with grace and elegance and "real-ness." I hope my kids can say that about me some day!

Here from Dawn at Because I Said So.

AuntyM said...

My Mom's advice regarding sex:
"You don't do THAT until you are married and ONLY when you want to have children."

Referred to your contest by Dawn Because I Said So.

Margaret S. / Wyoming

Robin said...

My mom taught me that it is better to be honest & in trouble than a liar & sneeky, that it is important to stand up for what you believe in, to not judge others & to be true to yourself.

Sent over by Dawn at Because I Said So.

J... said...

My mom's advice has run the gamut from bizarre (like "you must try on shoes to see if they fit first" referring to sex) to run-of-the-mill (like pick your battles) but her best advice has been silent. I run to her everytime my child steps in something that is bigger than what I think I can handle and she always encourages without doing the fixing for me thus giving me the advice that I should believe in my own parenting skills because I am the mom now.

Tina in Ohio said...

I have to start by saying that I love and respect my mother greatly. She was, and is, a super mom.
That being said...We never, EVER, had "the talk." Not that I can remember, anyway.
There was one "changing bodies" type of session with the scouts or something, complete with horrifying video, and the following dialogue:
Any quetions?
Nope.
Are you sure?
Yep.

Fast forward to the next sex "talk" -- on my wedding day. In the bathroom, on the toilet, while she's holding up the layers of my dress for me:
Any questions before tonight?
Nope.
Are you sure?
Yep.

Then comes the mortifying exchange that will be burned into my brain forever...my normally very proper mother leans over to my new young husband at the reception dinner and whispers, "you better eat up- you'll need your strength. The women in our family are animals in bed!" {insert sound of choking on food}

Needless to say, I want things to be different with my three daughters. Many ongoing conversations is a much better approach than one "talk." Our oldest dd and I have good open and frequent communication, but a book like this sounds like it would be very helpful! Sometimes we find it hard to get those conversations going, especially with younger siblings lurking around. (The last thing we need is #5 going off to preschool and educating her little classmates!)

Great blog, thanks for the contest, and Dawn (6pack) sent me!

Tina

Emma's Mommy said...

The piece of advise I remember the most from my mother is to "Let go & Let God". This is of course usually easier said than done, but once you do, there are always numerous rewards.

Referred by Dawn @ Because I Said So

Pink Heather said...

One thing that my Mum told me as a teenager was 'to choose my friends, don't let them choose me'.
I wasn't very good at escaping people that wanted a 'partner in crime' for some stupidity. 'Cause you know I would never think up any mischief on my own.:wink wink:
It really helped get me through my teenage years on the right side of the law. LOL

And even now I decide who I want to spend time with.

I was linked to this blog from the 'Because I Said So' Blog

Anonymous said...

Hey Michelle - I have to say, my mom rocks. She is 84 and just had an ankle replacement, because not being able to walk very well was cutting into her senior aerobics and dance troupe time!

When she had me at 42, I know I was a big surprise (kind of wrecked her plans to finish her early childhood ed degree). But for 41 years, she has always been my biggest cheerleader, even when I didn't believe in myself at all.

I remember feeling hopeless, trying to complete a college assignment for an impossible teacher, just lying on the couch and feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. She helped me figure out a system to tackle the assignment, then told me she knew I could do it.

I am trying to do the same thing with my 1st grade daughter - we celebrate her accomplishments and I encourage her when she needs to know she's not alone, just like my mom always did for me.

Kim

Mynde said...

My mom said that holding a boys hand in public makes a girl look cheap. As wrong as I know it is- I have actually heard myself mutter those words to my little one. My brain says I can not scare her into staying pure- but my heart says whatever works. I could use some advice-obviously!

Winona said...

"Never carry a purse bigger than your a$$."

Winona P. - and I found you from Because I Said So.

Amber R said...

My grandmother adopted me when I was a baby. She was a great mom, but we fought a lot and had trouble communicating throughout my teenage years because of the age difference. There was one piece of advice she gave me when my daughter was little, though, that changed my view on parenting and still echos through my head every day.

My husband was deployed to Iraq when Elizabeth was two days old. I had a child that was stillborn right before I got pregnant with my daughter, so I was scared to death that something was going to happen to her. I was a nervous wreck and so stressed that I couldn't think straight. I lived 1600 miles from "home" at that point, and my mom flew in for the birth. I remember sitting in the rocker when Elizabeth was four days old, crying my eyes out because I wasn't making milk yet and she was hungry. My mom got her calmed down, put her back in my arms, and sat down on the floor in front of me. She told me "Honey, I know you are scared right now. I know you think that you can't do this, but you can. This baby right here needs you, and you are going to make a wonderful mother." She took my hand, put it on the baby's chest, and said "Listen to her heartbeat. You helped create that. You nurtured her and got her here. Just relax, trust your ability to take care of her, and trust god." She told me that losing the baby before was NOT my fault, and that I needed to trust my body. I fell asleep rocking Elizabeth, and when I woke up I was relaxed and my milk had come in. I am pregnant with my fourth child now, and anytime they get loud and out of control or I feel like I can't handle it anymore, I just think of her words.

Diana said...

My mom always says...
"You never know what will happen to you. So make sure your underwear is clean and always look your best at all times. That way you'll never be embarrassed if the hospital has to undress you." I usually tell her, if the hospital is undressing me chances are they'll have to change my underwear!

I found you from Because I Said So

Kellen said...

My mom's best advice: Marry someone just like your dad. He seems to love you just the way you are. LOL Wish I would have taken that!

Tracey said...

My mother was (and is) very cool. We never had "the sex talk" but we did have a weird conversation about menstruation which involved the usage of projection papers with drawings of the female anatomy. Good stuff, the 80's...

ANYway. I recall having it drilled into my head (as I do to my own children) that family is forever. Family is First. Friends are lovely but usually temporary. Brothers and sisters, parents and relatives are infinitesimally more important.

She taught me to Value Family.

Mabunny said...

That book looks fabulous!
My mom and I have such a great relationship. When I was growing up and would hear stuff at school, she would set me straight. She says sometimes I would curl her toes with the questions, but she was always truthful with me. No one thing in particular stands out in my mind atm, but I will try to think of something.
No one referred me, I just auto pop onto your blog almost every day! I worked yesterday so that is why I'm a bit late on this post!

luann c said...

My mom was not big with words but her actions spoke volumes. From her the best parenting lessons I learned was to pick your battles; know when to keep quiet and let the natural consequences be the teacher; and love children unconditionally even when their behavior disappoints.

I got here from Dawn @ BISS.

kntsmom said...

My mom gave me a lot of advice, we are like best friends now. I can tell her anything. I think the advice that sticks in my mind, is one I want to make sure that my 2 kids always remember as well. She told me to always remember that I am a person too, with feelings and opinions and I have just as much right as anyone else to those feelings and opinions. She also told me along with that when I got my first job that my time is worth money and to never allow myself to be taken advantage of. I believe that is very true and important for us all to remember. I was reffered by Dawn @Because I Said So.
Kim

Anonymous said...

My mom always told me to wear clean underwear and shave my legs just in case I was in a car accident and was taken to the hospital . . . . Wow. A lesson on priorities, eh? Love my mom, for real! And would love a copy of this book!

Kelly M.
Fort Worth, TX

Vicki said...

My mom said "When your the Mom you can call the shots." Wow!!!! I'm a mom and it's not as easy as I thought! :>)

I read your blog all the time but I originally came from "Because I said So!"

Alida Thorpe said...

My Mom told me, "No one is perfect. You have to accept people for who they are. If you stay away from people because of something about them that you don't like, you will be alone....no one is perfect, not even you!"

Yes, that's is what she said and isn't she right?

She also told me that if you could read, you can do anything. Just read the directions!

Alida (Long Island Woman)