This was NOT in the HANDBOOK...

You know, the MOMMY Handbook...the one that they give you when you leave the hospital...the one that gets addendums at each well-baby visit...the one that has chapter upon chapter added at each parent/teacher conference...

What you didn't get one of those? Yeah, me neither. I would like to complain to someone's supervisor b/c someone needs to create this HANDBOOK! My job as "Mom" got exponentially harder today...on the outside, it very well may have looked like I was a pro. But I know for sure, on the inside it sure felt like it was this doofus's first day on the job.

I have been doing this mom thing for over 11 years...I should be able to juggle anything. I did. But it almost killed me! It would have, if I wasn't so unstable that I was twitching and giggling my way through the chaos.

My daughter was knocked on her hiney last night with a high fever and wickedly sore throat. Poor thing. I gave her some Motrin and put her to bed knowing we would be heading to the doctor's once I got the boys on the bus in the morning.

First thing this morning, as I was outside waiting for the pre-school bus, she got out of bed and puked...all over her carpet. As I waved to my little guy, my oldest yelled from the front door about the YUCK that ensued upstairs.

I got an appointment for 10:15.

My oldest has been struggling with anxiety and was a bit unsettled this morning as we headed toward the door to catch the middle school bus. I hate sending him on the bus when he is struggling to keep it together. And this morning, I certainly wasn't going to drag my pukey one to the car so I could drive him, so he got a free day home. Call it a mental health day.

With bucket in hand, my daughter and I headed to the doctor, my oldest stayed home (our doctor is 5 minutes away). We had our fingers crossed for Strep just b/c that means medicine that will ease the discomfort. Strep it was! We could start the recovery stage and maybe feel better in time to enjoy the weekend.

I decided to take her back home, then head to the pharmacy and the store for a few goodies that would encourage her to eat. When we got home my son recited a phone number from the caller ID (he's a good boy and doesn't answer when I am not home). The phone number was the preschool but there was no message. "Whew!" I thought, "thank God it's not anything serious."

I headed to the pharmacy and called the preschool from my cell.

"Hi, Mrs. Brownlow. Don't panic, he's OK but we think he has ringworm, you will have to come get him, NOW!"

Now, this would not be a big deal if his pre-school was right around the corner. But my little guy is bussed to a integrated preschool because of his special needs. His preschool is at least 35 minutes away.

I did a U-turn. Grabbed the big kids and figured my sickie could just sleep on the trip as I didn't want to leave them alone for that long. I turned back onto the road that I felt like I had been on 406 times so far and it was only 11am. That's when I heard it...

S-P-L-A-T!

She was puking, again!

U-Turn!

Back home we go!

I carried the puke bucket to the door and set it down to get the door unlocked. A gust of wind came and I think I even heard it laugh. It picked up the waste basket/puke bucket and tossed it UPSIDE DOWN all over the driveway. Nice. Now, I have to hose the puke off the walkway to our door. Yum!

I called my husband who (is AMAZING!) offered to go get the baby and bring him home so I could, for the 407th time, head toward the pharmacy.

Now, when I was on the phone with the preschool teacher she said, because ringworm (eewww!) is so contagious he would need to be seen by a doctor and he couldn't return to school without documentation that he was treated.

I headed to the pharmacy and called to make ANOTHER appointment at the doctor's.

In line at the pharmacy, I actually watched the people ahead of me grow older. One snot-nosed kid graduated from high school, two 'tweens ended up married and one of them got a loan for in vitro and had NINE-tuplets! The news was there and everything. THAT'S HOW FREAKING LONG IT TOOK TO GET THIS PRESCRIPTION FILLED! ARGH!

Met my husband at home and I made everyone lunch. The doctor called and said we could bring in "Wormy" at 4:15. Thank God he was oblivious to the band-aid the school nurse had put right behind his earlobe on his neck...apparently, if you itch worms, they will spread. He couldn't see it so it wasn't an issue. The band-aid stayed put, even through his nap.

As he slept, I remembered the mark on my daughter's arm. I have never seen ringworm, but she had a perfect circle with a dark ring around it on her arm for the last couple of weeks. My older two have eczema so I just assumed that's what it was.

Even though I risked more puke in the car, I wanted the doctor to see her arm when he checked behind the baby's ear. We headed back to the doctor's @ 4:15.

The doctor laid my little guy on the table, adjusted the light, I held my breath. He peeled back the band-aid...he looked closer...then he looked at me...he looked back at what the band-aid had revealed...

NOT A FREAKING THING! THEREWASNOTHINGUNDERTHEBANDAIDNOTHING!

He kind of giggled and said, "Do you want me to just check him over, since you're here and Strep is already in your house." I told him I would like that, and a mojito, too if he had one!

You know what he found when he looked in his ear? A whole colony of ringworms having a picnic. LMAO! No, I am just kidding, that was just too perfect of a set-up. No! No ringworm...just a really bad ear infection! And the spot on her arm...just eczema.

Anxiety.

Strep.

Ringworm.

Eczema.

Ear Infection.

So, back to the pharmacy. Another call to my husband b/c I was NOT waiting for this one, he could pick it up on his way home.

Tacos for dinner and a big FAT Mike's Hard Lemonade.

Had that scenario been in the HANDBOOK, I may have been prepared.

What would you like to see in a MOMMY'S HANDBOOK?