Thursday, February 19, 2009

This was NOT in the HANDBOOK...

You know, the MOMMY Handbook...the one that they give you when you leave the hospital...the one that gets addendums at each well-baby visit...the one that has chapter upon chapter added at each parent/teacher conference...

What you didn't get one of those? Yeah, me neither. I would like to complain to someone's supervisor b/c someone needs to create this HANDBOOK! My job as "Mom" got exponentially harder today...on the outside, it very well may have looked like I was a pro. But I know for sure, on the inside it sure felt like it was this doofus's first day on the job.

I have been doing this mom thing for over 11 years...I should be able to juggle anything. I did. But it almost killed me! It would have, if I wasn't so unstable that I was twitching and giggling my way through the chaos.

My daughter was knocked on her hiney last night with a high fever and wickedly sore throat. Poor thing. I gave her some Motrin and put her to bed knowing we would be heading to the doctor's once I got the boys on the bus in the morning.

First thing this morning, as I was outside waiting for the pre-school bus, she got out of bed and puked...all over her carpet. As I waved to my little guy, my oldest yelled from the front door about the YUCK that ensued upstairs.

I got an appointment for 10:15.

My oldest has been struggling with anxiety and was a bit unsettled this morning as we headed toward the door to catch the middle school bus. I hate sending him on the bus when he is struggling to keep it together. And this morning, I certainly wasn't going to drag my pukey one to the car so I could drive him, so he got a free day home. Call it a mental health day.

With bucket in hand, my daughter and I headed to the doctor, my oldest stayed home (our doctor is 5 minutes away). We had our fingers crossed for Strep just b/c that means medicine that will ease the discomfort. Strep it was! We could start the recovery stage and maybe feel better in time to enjoy the weekend.

I decided to take her back home, then head to the pharmacy and the store for a few goodies that would encourage her to eat. When we got home my son recited a phone number from the caller ID (he's a good boy and doesn't answer when I am not home). The phone number was the preschool but there was no message. "Whew!" I thought, "thank God it's not anything serious."

I headed to the pharmacy and called the preschool from my cell.

"Hi, Mrs. Brownlow. Don't panic, he's OK but we think he has ringworm, you will have to come get him, NOW!"

Now, this would not be a big deal if his pre-school was right around the corner. But my little guy is bussed to a integrated preschool because of his special needs. His preschool is at least 35 minutes away.

I did a U-turn. Grabbed the big kids and figured my sickie could just sleep on the trip as I didn't want to leave them alone for that long. I turned back onto the road that I felt like I had been on 406 times so far and it was only 11am. That's when I heard it...


She was puking, again!


Back home we go!

I carried the puke bucket to the door and set it down to get the door unlocked. A gust of wind came and I think I even heard it laugh. It picked up the waste basket/puke bucket and tossed it UPSIDE DOWN all over the driveway. Nice. Now, I have to hose the puke off the walkway to our door. Yum!

I called my husband who (is AMAZING!) offered to go get the baby and bring him home so I could, for the 407th time, head toward the pharmacy.

Now, when I was on the phone with the preschool teacher she said, because ringworm (eewww!) is so contagious he would need to be seen by a doctor and he couldn't return to school without documentation that he was treated.

I headed to the pharmacy and called to make ANOTHER appointment at the doctor's.

In line at the pharmacy, I actually watched the people ahead of me grow older. One snot-nosed kid graduated from high school, two 'tweens ended up married and one of them got a loan for in vitro and had NINE-tuplets! The news was there and everything. THAT'S HOW FREAKING LONG IT TOOK TO GET THIS PRESCRIPTION FILLED! ARGH!

Met my husband at home and I made everyone lunch. The doctor called and said we could bring in "Wormy" at 4:15. Thank God he was oblivious to the band-aid the school nurse had put right behind his earlobe on his neck...apparently, if you itch worms, they will spread. He couldn't see it so it wasn't an issue. The band-aid stayed put, even through his nap.

As he slept, I remembered the mark on my daughter's arm. I have never seen ringworm, but she had a perfect circle with a dark ring around it on her arm for the last couple of weeks. My older two have eczema so I just assumed that's what it was.

Even though I risked more puke in the car, I wanted the doctor to see her arm when he checked behind the baby's ear. We headed back to the doctor's @ 4:15.

The doctor laid my little guy on the table, adjusted the light, I held my breath. He peeled back the band-aid...he looked closer...then he looked at me...he looked back at what the band-aid had revealed...


He kind of giggled and said, "Do you want me to just check him over, since you're here and Strep is already in your house." I told him I would like that, and a mojito, too if he had one!

You know what he found when he looked in his ear? A whole colony of ringworms having a picnic. LMAO! No, I am just kidding, that was just too perfect of a set-up. No! No ringworm...just a really bad ear infection! And the spot on her arm...just eczema.





Ear Infection.

So, back to the pharmacy. Another call to my husband b/c I was NOT waiting for this one, he could pick it up on his way home.

Tacos for dinner and a big FAT Mike's Hard Lemonade.

Had that scenario been in the HANDBOOK, I may have been prepared.

What would you like to see in a MOMMY'S HANDBOOK?


The High Family said...

You have to be "hands down" the best stoyteller EVER!

I laughed so hard when I read about the ringworms having a picnic lunch in his ear. You got me on that one.

My little guy has eczema and I would crazy when his school would call for me to pick him up because of his "rash". After the third time, I had the doctor write a letter to his school telling them what eczema looked like and if he had a breakout to use aquaphor instead of making the poor kid go home each time. I didn't hear from them again after that. :)

As for the Mommy's Handbook...ahhhh I have a ton of things I would like in it. But the best one would be how to nurse a 2 month old screaming baby while cleaning poop off the walls, doors and carpet of your 2.5 year old's room...without crying the entire time because your husband is stuck in a meeting and can't come home to help.

Theresa said...

I lover your stories. I always get a huge laugh out of them. I have been mommy for 10 1/2 years. I AM A FREAK. I have been praying so hard Michelle...and having others pray for me. And guess what...? I haven't had a melt down in FOUR DAYS. It's like a world record. Someone call Guinness. Ha ha.

What I learned this week is we did come with a handbook. It's going to sound silly maybe even stupid to some but it's called the Bible. I am just wondering why it took me 10 years to figure that out.

Love your funny family. Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to write these stories.

Theresa said...

Ha says I LOVER your stories! I crack myself up.

Vicki said...

I want a part on boys vs girls! I need help on that often!!!!!
Sorry your day was filled with lots of ups and downs....tomrrow is just a day away!!!!

Grace and Peace,
Vicki in GA <><

MaBunny said...

Oh my what a day! At least your daughter can hit a puke bucket...
Glad the ringworm was a false alarm! Eczema is a pain in the butt... try otc Sarna lotion if you find it up there, it works wonders to stop eczema itching!
Hope your weekend is better!

Lora said...


if it makes you feel better, there was a time in my life that I had a huge ringworm and I just assumed (ready?...) that I had been BURNT BY A CIGAR so I didn't think anything of it!?!

Nothing crazy, but I worked at a really busy bar and we would get cig burns and such from time to time if it was really busy.

My day job was a social worker so I probably picked it up there.

Fun, fun, fun. I hope the weekend cures all that ails you!

Julie said...

How about a chapter on how to deal with schools that pass children just to get credit for being a part of "No Child Left Behind"? I'm seeing a LOT of that happening where I live.

Anonymous said...

You never fail to make me giggle Michelle! Glad it was only strep and not the flu or something equally rotten. As for your little guy, the Man Thing has eczema and he's been on Rx Benadryl and other meds to stop the itching and nothing worked as well as AVEENO SKIN RELIEF BODY WASH (fragrance free) with the light green lid. It's fantastic. He can take a shower at night and not have any itching or discomfort for 24 hours. We buy cases of this stuff for him. He refuses to use anything else ever again LOL.

As for what I want included in the MOMMY HANDBOOK? I'd love a chapter or two on sibling rivalry and dealing with ADHD children. I am so not prepared for this and muddling my way through the best that I can.

Live well - Laugh often - Love much! said...

Funny! I can say funny because it wasn't happening my world.
Great writing!

Anonymous said...

I'd like to see "mommies" stop complaining about the little things. If you're really an advocate for childhood cancer then act like it.

My Semblance of Sanity said...

OK...I know I should take the HIGH ROAD and not even devote BREATH to this comment but....

I am not sure why "mommies" is in quotes...and since when is complaining a bad thing? I didn't ASK you to read my blog.

And WHAT THE HECK does my being a cancer advocate have ANYTHING to do with this post?

Forgive me loyal readers for "going there"'s been a long week and I am slightly aggitated by this comment...

The High Family said...

ummm wow anon. It's not called's called venting. Were you aware that there are proven facts that it's healthy to do so. Do your research.

AND comparing a mom dealing with a sick child with strep throat to being an advocate for childhood cancer is just wrong... in so many ways. Get a grip and a name.

Sorry Michelle...I couldn't hold back.

KathyB said...

It's venting about these "little things" in a humorous and sarcastic way that helps "mommies" and even, skip-the-quotation-mommies, handle ALL things be it a bugger that's stuck behind the ear, or a cancerous mole. So, Mr or Mrs "too-chicken-to-type-your-name" about you become an advocate for humanity and common courtesy and either share any wisdom you may have, or take your business elsewhere.

I have to ask, Michelle, did you call the school and ask them exactly what it was that they SAW on his ear when there was nothing there? Good catch on the ear infection though!

Jenn@mylifewiththecrazies said...

I came across your blog from Ann's at GNO and this has got to be the best blog post I have ever read! So damn funny even though I am sure at the time it wasnt! I am now following.. feel free to pop over to my place anytime! Jenn

Jenn@mylifewiththecrazies said...

I came across your blog from Ann's at GNO and this has got to be the best blog post I have ever read! So damn funny even though I am sure at the time it wasnt! I am now following.. feel free to pop over to my place anytime! Jenn

noexcuses said...

Make sure you are backing up all of these stories on a disc or something. Your kids will die laughing at them when they are teens!

You do know that you are okay in every way, don't you? There's always going to be a haggler (hacker? - whatever) in the crowd. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone but God, and I think he sort of likes you because look at how he's blessed you!

Thanks for sharing your family, and your talents!

Debbie Yost said...

**sigh** Someone always has to make the nasty anonymous comment. Why? Sometimes we "mommies" just have to blow off a little steam so we don't go crazy.

We discovered our oldest had motion sickness when we drove 4 hours with her reading in the back seat. She had just learned to read and we were so thrilled for the entertainment. Then we got to Steak and Shake and she said she wasn't feeling well, then proceeded to puke all over the front walk! I'm sure that was appetizing for all the customers!

Oh, and I thought you were going to tell us he had a little dirt behind his ear that looked like ringworm. Wouldn't that have just topped it all.

Well, hope everyone is well on their way to recovery at your house!

Anonymous said...

Wow, what a day you had. All that driving......I know you are exhausted. You are the greatest story teller and I'm glad there's no worm around.

Anonymous said...

Stopping by from VGNO!

Hope your house gets healthy!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Holy Moly that was a day! I laughed out loud on your description of waiting in line at the pharmacy - my DH had to do the same thing today for our Princess Nagger's prescription so I had to share it with him... ;) And the wind laughing at you as it tipped over the puke bucket? Priceless! Hope everyone's feeling better SOON! :)

Stopping by from Ann's VGNO - loving your blog, I'm grabbing your button! :)

pam said...

Oh, I have lived through days like this one!! I am glad your hubby could come home to help out.

Dropping in from the party.

Martha said...

Stopped over from VGNO tonight!

Wow, what a day... I hope your daughter is feeling better soon!
I gave my almost 12 year old a mental health day today too. We had so much fun. I am having trouble with the "tween" drama, and the stress and anxiety that it causes her with "friends". I want to shelter her from all that..but we can't all the time, but today, I did.. with the assist principals blessing.... math, science, etc ca wait another day, she's got time to get caught up before college.

I hope you enjoyed the Mike's - I'm sipping my V8 Fusion and rum!

Rebekah said...

You do tell your story hysterically- but I have had my share of those days so I understand how unamusing it all was at the time.
Hope everyone is feeling fine soon

Jessica said...

Wow! You had quite a day. You and your poor children.

Umm... I'm not a Mom yet and I'm not sure I can make it through without a handbook!! I need all the help I can get. Of course after reading your post, I may consider just having my dog. :)

I hope things are better at your house now. I think you need more than just 1 drink. :)

Have a good (and hopefully relaxing) weekend!

Erin said...

Hold up-- you didn't get the mommy handbook? I thought they passed it out at every hospital when you delivered. :-) If only!

Erin said...

I meant to also say stopping by from VGNO

Shannah said...

Dayum, girl. What a day! My Munchkin is getting over strep as we speak. Tis the season, I guess. It's no fun at all. Many hugs comin' atcha.

Happy VGNO!

This Mom said...

WOW did you have a day. Hope tomarrow is better but it made for a GREAT story.

The Daily Blonde said...

I live your life. Aren't you glad you're not alone? Some days I call it puke roulette...always something. I've been a Mom for 24 years now...kiddos ranging in age from 8 to 24, three still at home. The puking never ends. The calls from school? I see the number show up and I think "OK, my day is over and I won't be sleeping tonight".

After 7 years as a single Mom the only clear reason I can think of finding Mr Right would be to help me mop up the messes or put me in a straight jacket.

Hope tomorrow is better!!
Visiting from Ann's VGNO!

Dawn said...

ROFL! You always crack me up, Michelle. At the first hint of vomit, I would've had to move to another house.
I hope everyone's feeling better.

Musings of a Housewife said...

Oh my word. I feel like I just lived that with you. And it wasn't entirely unpleasant, lol. I mean, for me, that is. Since I wasn't the one cleaning up the puke. ;-)

Daiquiri said...

Ha! I'm sorry to laugh at your suffering, but that was quite the story! :)

I gotta say though - for a second you totally got me with the "colony of ring worms" in the ear thing, and I still have the heeby-geebies.

Hope everyone is feeling better :)

Karla with a K said...

OMS Wormy!!

And I still can't believe there was nothing there!

Excellent usage of the fodder put on your plate this day. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Anonymous said...

hey momma brownlow- that was hilarious, your anonymous is just jealous of your extraordinary creativity!!! much luv jn

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