Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Texts to my husband...

Throughout the day when things go awry, I often think of my husband sitting in his comfy chair, in his quiet office as he jokes with a colleague.

I feel jealous some days as he walks leisurely out the door to his car while I am running around with my butt on fire making lunches, picking up friends to play, dropping off over-due library books and standing on my head entertaining 3 booooored kids.

I am often envious of his freedom to have lunch with someone who doesn't throw food or spit milk out his nose.

So, to help him feel involved in my day, I have started texting him. You know, I am sure he is wishing he was home to take in all the pleasures that I deal with each and every day. Maybe he is sitting at his desk wishing he was unshowered and wrestling a preschooler onto the potty seat. Maybe. Or maybe my texts are simply subliminal messages from which he better translate, "If you are one FRIPPIN' minute late getting home someone will be bouncing off the walls and it just may not be ME!"

I choose to keep him informed throughout the day with texts...it helps me vent let him know how much I appreciate his hard work and it keeps him up to speed on how many dozen roses to bring home. It also keeps my fingers busy so I still don a headful of hair!

As we have all seen on the news...kids have their own texting shorthand, well feel free to grab what you need from this list!

hubbyTEXTING!

ILU! - I love you!

T4aUdo! - Thanks for all you do!

TaWo.WUWH! - Taking a walk. WISH YOU WERE HERE!

HsfPfLwB! - Had smiley face pancakes for lunch with kids!

WaUCH? - When are you coming home?

G?WitP! - Guess what's in the potty!

SC! - School CALLED!

KHWiurC! - Kids homework - in your car!

SCA! - School CALLED AGAIN!

KLMiurC! - Kids lunch money in your car!

SFCA! - SCHOOL FRIPPIN' CALLED AGAIN!

TBPAIURC! - Their BACKPACKS are in YOUR CAR!

AUtaMCbaBHoT! - And you talk about MY car being a black hole of trash!

UG! TaSOurK! - Ugh! They are SOOOO your kids!!!

911!PBotFS! - HELP! Peanut butter on the flatscreen!

TBitT! - Toothbrush in the toilet!

IAA2LI! - I am about to lose it!

911!DHRA! - HELP! Diarrhea!

911!DHRA!LD! - HELP! Diarrhea! LAST DIAPER!

CHN! - Come Home NOW!

BW! - Bring WINE!

ItInRx! - I think I need MEDICATION!

IhstTWCH! - I have started to TWITCH!

WAUAMTXT?! - Why aren't you answering my texts?!

IIcmtlabIW! CHN! - If I could make these letters any bigger I WOULD! COME HOME NOW!

K,LS!911!KAH!NG!NG!BPZWaDOE! - OK, LAST STRAW! HELP! KIDS ALL HOME! NO GROCERIES! BRING PIZZA, WINE AND DIAPERS, OR ELSE!

Ct10! TiurLC! IudwttdwaDZr,aBPoDaMoWaaFPuwN( )A! - Counting to 10! This is your LAST CHANCE! If you don't walk through that door with a DOZEN roses, a bulk pack of diapers, a magnum of WINE and a FAT PIZZA you will NEVER (fill in blank) AGAIN!

"Honey, I'm home!"

Now, that's more like it!

19 comments:

Brandi said...

This is so funny!!! I text my husband all day and he hates it! He can't text as fast as I can, but he doesn't call to respond either! Can't wait to show this to him!

The Mad White Woman said...

OMG that is so funny!!! I love it!!! If I had a cell phone and the Man Thing could read what I texted to him I'd be doing the same thing!!!

Christina Jay said...

This blog could have come straight from my keyboard. LOL! Yes, I am often envious of the guy that goes to work and takes a quiet lunch to read his book. I am guilty of harboring ill thoughts when he takes off to run errands on Saturday--I do not understand why he can't do those things on his lunch hour. I love the idea of texting all day to keep him aware of what he's missing. :-)

The Real Life Fairy Tale Princess said...

ROTFLMAO...

IDK@UB
SDTMCRU
1Y@ASS&
FT2STC2
ABSOS!!!
---- I don't know about you but some days this Mom could really use a year at a secluded spa and free tuition to send the child to a boarding school over seas.

Martha said...

too funny!

MaBunny said...

HEHE, your texting is funny as all get out. I'm sure your hubby is just chomping at the bit to get home!
That really blows when the baby has diarrhea and you are down to your last diaper!
Hope you had a great weekend, other than all that!

Nicole said...

hehe This made me feel all gooey inside. Had to text the BF after I finished reading it.
Something very similar to

Ct10! TiurLC! IudwttdwaDZr,aBPoDaMoWaaFPuwNhSXA!

lol

Great post!

Vicki said...

Super funny! I love it! I just might try it one day.

LOL!!!!

Vicki in GA

Rebekah said...

My husband and I text all the time. Some days we get carried away trying to have an actual converstion through text. I usually end up calling him laughing cuz the actual conversation would take less than a minute, as opposed to the half hour of texting.

And love your text lingo ya got going on there-lol

This Crazy Thing Called Motherhood said...

I loved this! :)

I don't text my hubby but I do call him and give him updates on how things are going, which I'm sure he just loves, especially when the 'updates' include threats to harm him and/or desperate pleas for him to ditch work early and come to my rescue on the really bad days. lol

Dave said...

I love to text and my wife does as well. Our problem is figuring out the past tense of text.
I just texted you?
You were texteddd?
I text you a long time ago?
Only one of these does not end up in spell check hell.

David

IceMama said...

My husband is still using an O.L.D. Nextel phone and refuses to text. So he has to put up with the necessary emails (at least he's that tech savvy!)

Julie Stiles Mills said...

I have a couple of saved text messages and one is "I am here. I am Here. I am HERE!"

For when he doesn't respond to my texts.

The High Family said...

I found your blog through BabyMama.

This post made me laugh so hard I scared the baby as I fed her! Thanks for reminding me that I am normal. I use text as a last resort when my darling hubby doesn't answer emails or calls to get his tushy home! He has been working major overtime lately so I feel like I am going insane most days with my 3 year old son and 8 month old daughter...ugh!

I am fellow mommy blogger, huge fan of Jon and Kate plus 8 (it is crazy how similiar our traditions/shopping habits are?!...if only Kate knew! lol) and I live in PA. From what I've heard, J&K's new house is near mine and I am happy they are back in Berks. I'll admit, I don't want to be labeled one of "those fans" but it would be neat to run into Kate at the local Giant. ;)

Great blog...I subscribed! Feel free to check out my crazy journey if you like. :)

Dawn said...

ROFLMAO!!!!!!! BAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! I'm just catching up on your blog and laughing my head off! This is GREAT!!!

CraftyMomof3 said...

OMG ROFLMAO!!!!!! You have taken the words right out of my mouth. My husband had to get a texting phone just so he could keep up with me!

Great post.

Deb said...

You are refreshingly delightful!Hope your family knows how wonderful you are!

toastqueen said...

that's so awesome!
great post!

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! This is the post that got me hooked on your blog last winter when I found it through Dawn or Manic's blogs. Too funny.