Friday, August 21, 2009

"Your call will be answered in...300 minutes."

...that's 5 HOURS incase you were wondering! Is it really possible that THAT many people call the same place all at the SAME stinkin' time? Really? I don't know, because as I hold the phone with my shoulder trying not to press my cheek into the buttons so hard that I hang up on myself, all the while using both hands to do my mom-stuff around the house...which is sometimes harder than herding cats...I imagine the people sitting in the call center doing their nails, standing at the vending machines chatting, talking on their cell phones, searching FACEBOOK. Maybe I am bitter, but maybe you can answer the DANGED phone before I die of old age! So, then the line clicks...your breathing quickens as the very next sound you hear may just be a human's v ..... NOPE! Recording! "Please clearly state your first name." Michelle. "You said, 'Nickel,' if this is correct, please press 1. If this is not correct, please clearly state your first name after the tone." Multiply this 3 times, but substitute the following words for "Michelle:" pickle, seashell, shoopell. That's when I lose it! I know the automated freak on the other end isn't real but I respond sharply, "Shoopell? Really? Have you ever MET or ever HEARD of someone named Shoopell?!!!!!!!!!!! " "You said, 'Michelle,' if this is correct, please press 1. 1, 1, 1 "I'm sorry, you have pressed an invalid number, please press 1 if your first name is 'Michelle.'" With every ounce of self control, I gently press 1, once! You can't tell me this is more efficient than having an actual HUMAN answer the phone! Then starts the detailed questioning: "Please enter your zip code and then press the pound key." "Please press 1 if you live in Lehigh, Bucks or Montgomery County or 2 if you do not." "Please press 17 if your second toe is longer than your first or 0 if it is not." "Please press 918 if your first boyfriend's name was Greg or type in L-O-S-E-R if you still don't have a first boyfriend." "Please press the following numbers in order, within 3 seconds of the beep ... 34567890987654312347890098765." 3 2 1 BEEP! "Please hang up and place your call again. Thank you and have a nice day!" Why?? Why?? I seriously was just looking for a pediatric dentist that takes our insurance! Is that too much to ask? And I am still grumbling about all the FACEBOOK-ing and manicures that got done while I was trying not to drop my phone in the toilet as I cleaned and punched in numbers. Grr!! Peace.

8 comments:

Kim Wheedleton said...

Hahaha! Great story, Shoopell!

Kirsten said...

I actually did drop my phone in the toilet once. I had to fish it out (ewww, luckily I had just cleaned it!), remove the battery and let it dry out for 2 days before it worked again. I told my husband it fell in the dog's water bowl. He already thinks I talk on the phone way too much!

GoneBackSouth said...

Hey Shoopell, that all sounds extremely frustrating and horribly familiar. The worst company in the UK I've experienced for sending me all round the place is BT (the telephone company!)

Karla with a K said...

LOL!!! What Kim said.

I am Heather...creator of all things crafty! said...

Ok, this made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants. So flippin true too. That's why it should be, The Mom Show....I got your reality t.v.

Debbie Yost said...

I had to call Pampered Chef once because they messed up my order. They have a system where they call you back. 4 hours later! I call when I have time to talk because, as we all know, we're busy and don't have a lot of time for this cr@p. So they called back 10 minutes before I was supposed to pick my daughter up from school, then put me on hold twice. I almost hung up! Then when I got the missing items I got this third envelope. When I opened it, there was a 5 inch knife that someone else had not gotten. The inside receipt was for her but it was sent to me. We both had the same first name. So, I asked my Pampered Chef consultant, who happens to be my daughter's teacher. She said they needed a knife for class so I gave it to her. I did not want to waste another day sending it back. It would have solved a lot of hastle if I could have just contacted them by e-mail. Idiots.

CraftyMomof3 said...

Ha! Herding cats is right! My favorite is when you call (let's say a credit card company) and they tell you the last person you talked to on the phone was wrong and they don't know why they told you that and now you owe an extra $50. Grrr. Oh and that's it's not their fault and it was right there in the fine print...on the bottom of page 153.

Farmer*swife said...

You are SO Bleepin' funny! I sware you stole my sense of humor and tripled it! LOL!

I am so with you; only, when in doubt or frustration? I just keep hitting zero. Eventually, it'll send you to a representative or a real person.... 85% of the time.

:-)