Friday, August 21, 2009
"Your call will be answered in...300 minutes."
...that's 5 HOURS incase you were wondering! Is it really possible that THAT many people call the same place all at the SAME stinkin' time? Really? I don't know, because as I hold the phone with my shoulder trying not to press my cheek into the buttons so hard that I hang up on myself, all the while using both hands to do my mom-stuff around the house...which is sometimes harder than herding cats...I imagine the people sitting in the call center doing their nails, standing at the vending machines chatting, talking on their cell phones, searching FACEBOOK. Maybe I am bitter, but maybe you can answer the DANGED phone before I die of old age! So, then the line clicks...your breathing quickens as the very next sound you hear may just be a human's v ..... NOPE! Recording! "Please clearly state your first name." Michelle. "You said, 'Nickel,' if this is correct, please press 1. If this is not correct, please clearly state your first name after the tone." Multiply this 3 times, but substitute the following words for "Michelle:" pickle, seashell, shoopell. That's when I lose it! I know the automated freak on the other end isn't real but I respond sharply, "Shoopell? Really? Have you ever MET or ever HEARD of someone named Shoopell?!!!!!!!!!!! " "You said, 'Michelle,' if this is correct, please press 1. 1, 1, 1 "I'm sorry, you have pressed an invalid number, please press 1 if your first name is 'Michelle.'" With every ounce of self control, I gently press 1, once! You can't tell me this is more efficient than having an actual HUMAN answer the phone! Then starts the detailed questioning: "Please enter your zip code and then press the pound key." "Please press 1 if you live in Lehigh, Bucks or Montgomery County or 2 if you do not." "Please press 17 if your second toe is longer than your first or 0 if it is not." "Please press 918 if your first boyfriend's name was Greg or type in L-O-S-E-R if you still don't have a first boyfriend." "Please press the following numbers in order, within 3 seconds of the beep ... 34567890987654312347890098765." 3 2 1 BEEP! "Please hang up and place your call again. Thank you and have a nice day!" Why?? Why?? I seriously was just looking for a pediatric dentist that takes our insurance! Is that too much to ask? And I am still grumbling about all the FACEBOOK-ing and manicures that got done while I was trying not to drop my phone in the toilet as I cleaned and punched in numbers. Grr!! Peace.