So, I kept myself up later than I should have last night...I was a drawing and painting fool! It was awesome! My iPod, my watercolors and ME! The whole rest of the house was sleeping! Ahhhhh...perfection! Oh yeah...and I watched a few FRIENDS episodes on YouTube...which is why I said "perfection"! LOL!
So, this morning a little person, one just tall enough for his chin to hit the top edge of my mattress runs into my room and says, "Ma! Ma! Dare is sumbuddy sweepin' on da table. Come on, yook! Sumbuddy sweepin' dare!"
OK, so if you are in a deep sleep and someone squeals that in your ear...are you a little freaked out? Well, as I follow his skipping body down the hall and to the steps, I am wiping sleep out of my eyes and thinking...What the heck am I going to do if he is serious? What if 'sumbuddy' broke in and (for some ridiculous reason) fell asleep on our kitchen table? Even as I was thinking it, I knew what a FREAK that made me...to even entertain the thought...but I did.
"DARE! DARE him is! Yook!"
I squint. I 'yook.' I try to look muscular, in case this sleeping intruder is bigger than me. You know, I go into protective Mama Bear mode.
"My shwoggie! Him is on da table!"
His froggy. The %$#%**&%* plastic frog I bought him at Michael's last night! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
"Yes, bud, there is your froggy. Is he awake?"
"Maa, you pway Wii wit me?"
"Baby, just let mommy
fill her veins with something that will make me happy to be playing Wii with you get some coffee first.
I galumph over to the coffee maker as the sound of a way-too-awake Mario and Luigi race around my living room.
Finally, I sit on the couch and we start a two player race. He likes to do the battles, which means there are like 429 games in a row. I blink my eyes, sip my drug, and prepare to KICK HIS BUTT!
In between races we high-five and giggle. This is sweet. We do it every morning. And by the second race (thanks to my coffee), I am totally into it - we have a blast!
This morning we were 3 games in and I couldn't tell you who was winning because every time I get ahead of him, we pauses the game and we trade steering wheels...ha...so technically HE is kicking MY butt!
In between the 37th and 38th race (I am exaggerating) I lay my steering wheel in my lap and reach down for my coffee that was sitting at my feet. He peeps over at me as I put my cup to my lips and start to sip....
...some crazed lunatic entered his body (maybe it was that growling spiky turtle thing that he chooses as his character to drive his race car) and he, with all the force capable of being in a 4-year old body, he punches me. Not in my arm but IN MY COFFEE CUP! And it's a KO!
The angle in which his little fist struck the mug sends scalding coffee UP MY NOSE, all over my face, on my PJs (that I was hoping to keep clean so I could justify wearing them to the bus stop in 28 seconds when his bus rounds the bend), all over the leather couch, the off-white rug....you get the picture.
I have to tell you...12 seconds later I was giggling.
Not because I had finally lost my mind. Not because I was dreaming of the glorious free time I would have while he is duck taped to the wall (DO NOT EMAIL ME! I AM JUST KIDDING!).
I giggled, with coffee dripping from my nose and my chin, because the look in his eyes as he realized what his body had done, apparently without the approval of his brain, was priceless!
He did the 'eyeballs put of the head' gawk and then took off like a shot! His little body zipped in a mini-human blur out of the living room, in and out of the kitchen, through the baby gate that he broke (busted a rung off of so he could fit through) a couple months ago, up the stairs, into his room and slammed the door! SLAM!
The coffee cleaned up without a problem. And I found out that SNORTING coffee isn't all that bad and actually wakes you up more than drinking it.
He bravely walked down the steps and sulked into the kitchen, tail between his legs, and said, "Sowwy, Mommy. You pway Wii wit me?"
We had 4.6 seconds to get to the bus stop...no Wii...but time for
a big snuggle for saying "Sorry"
a "Please don't do that again."
and a smile as he waved from the bus window.
Lesson learned? DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE!