Monday, December 28, 2009

It's almost RESOLUTION time!

So, what will yours be?

Every year since I was 3, I think, I have resolved to get healthy and lose weight. If you have read my blog long enough you have been privy to all of my overzealous plans to get fit.

Well, this year, I MEAN IT! LOL!

I am not a hefty person but I am at a weight that I am uncomfortable being. I need to suck it in a little too much and that can make you lightheaded if you have to do it for too long. It's that weight that makes you feel like parts that shouldn't be are sticking out. When your boobs pop out for your bra when you bend down to pick something up. And with those gosh darned short crotch jeans, your whole backside waves to everyone if you have to bend even a little bit.

It's like a choreographed dance when you are out to impress and you are trying to look skinny when you're really not. Let's face it, no one knows how flabby you are unless you are naked and, I hope, not that many people see you naked.

The dance starts with the PULL AND TUCK. I do this one often...You grab onto the belt loops of your jeans as you stand and hoist them to your throat while trying to tuck in that extra roll as you pull.

Then there's the SUCK IN AND SMOOTH OUT. This step is typically performed in a mirror. You check yourself out, turn sideways, suck it in and readjust underwear, pantyhose and bra until the creases, ridges and rolls have been eradicated. Only attempt this in the Ladies Room, it is not an attractive part of the dance.

And of course we have the SIT TALL AND HOLD IT to round out the evening out. This step gives me gut-wrenching indigestion...but at least I looked thin when I am writhing in pain (before I cut myself out of my pantyhose). While eating, we hear our mother's voice telling us to "sit up straight and stop slouching!" So, we do. And naturally when you do this, your midsection is elongated. You would think this would allow MORE room for food, but somehow the sucking in of the gut makes for tremendous amounts of stabbing pain.

So, in light of this discussion, I WILL ONCE MORE BE RESOLVING TO GET IN SHAPE. I guess if I dust off that Wii Fit my kids got me for Mother's Day and plug my ears when it yells at me for not "stepping on" in about 7 months, maybe I could do this.

Anyone else? Wanna start a revolution? Let me know, maybe we can make a contest out of it!

**Oh, geez, the kids are out of the house...Dr. Phil is coming on....WHERE ARE THOSE FREAKING CHRISTMAS COOKIES??!! What? It's not January 1st yet! I need to get rid of all of the bad food, right? And it would be wasteful to throw it away! My neighbors and friends spent a lot of time on these!**

3 comments:

Teresa L. Radke said...

Okay, if you do a contest, I'm in! I've got 60 pounds to drop. When Jessica could not eat (due to chemo) I ate her food to save the buck. When she could eat, I ate to support her ability to eat as though a celebration. When she lost her battle, I kept eating to comfort the pain of losing a child. I am not happy with my image, and now avoid going into public places. I want my "pre-child-with-cancer" body back, I want my self-esteem back, and I want my health back. My daughter would want me healthy, and I need to be healthy for the rest of my family pon Earth now that the other battle had ended (albeit, badly) I'm in for a fair, fun, uplifting and challenging battle to get into 2010 shape, especialy with that proverbial "carrot on a stick" incentive that I know you're brilliant mind will come up with!

Anonymous said...

I totally with you well almost. My New Year's will start the 4th of January, the first Monday when everything becomes more normal.

Cynedra

Savier Quiles said...

I will like to win one for my bby girl i am a singel mother and low income i cant afford it can u please help me.