I'm proposing....

Yes, you know I am married. But that leaves you wondering who I am proposing to and why would a married woman blast her extra-marital business across the internet for everyone to judge...

I am writing a PROPOSAL...
for a BOOK...
MY book for teen girls.

Ladies, is there not enough gossip in the tabloids to hold your attention? You needed to come here to try and find some? You know you don't get gossip here. Just good ole' fun about being a mom and my tricks of the trade when it comes to dealing with kids...and now TEENS... of my own and other people's teens.

"You are AMAZING! I just wanted you to know I couldn't have gotten through this year without you!"
After I got this message I realized how this incredible ride I am on is just the beginning - Ladies and Gentlemen, we are just about to pull out of the gate...HOLD ON, it's going to be a crazy ride!

This morning my PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE devotional said that people who look into their own future and envision their lives "down the road" actually have more success than people who just plod along day by day.

Well, would ya look at that, all the people who think I am an incurable DREAMER are right...and I don't have to feel like I am getting tsk-tsk'ed by the teacher when they say it. Now, the next time someone says, "She's got her head in the clouds again..." I can say, "YOU BET I DO!! Grab your tickets now, you're gonna wanna see THIS!"

So, the theme of my morning devotional was PERFECT for the day I would rush out the door to my favorite and most productive writing spot - PANERA - as soon as my husband packed up the kids for the pool. I have been asked to plot my marketing plans for this book.

So, get comfy and insert the dreamy music here...

I see a shelf filled with a series of books and journals, activity books and picture books by Michelle Kemper Brownlow for teen girls that will raise their awareness of the world around them and give them the permission to OWN the space they take up. That space will be unique and beautiful like each of them and will have distinct boundaries that will celebrate the kind of woman they are "training" to become. Now, I know all these books would be spread all over the bookstore in their respective genre - but just humor me. Let's PRETEND I would have my own shelf. Isn't it pretty?

I see my iPhone (which I don't have yet) and make sure I synced it (which I don't know how to do) with my calendar so that the directions to the school I am speaking at later this week is included.

I see myself lurching back and forth as I tell just one of my many goofball stories that accompany every workshop I run. I have sat with young girls for over 9 years and made stories from my own life relevant to what we were talking about that day. Whether it was girl drama, boys and boundaries or parents, I have the story - ask them, they'll tell you!

I see flying (gasp, gasp, I don't like planes....breathe....if God wants me to I will....that's better) to events, book signings, TV appearances (OK - that felt weird to type), speaking engagements, schools to share something I have lived through and learned with girls who are struggling to stay afloat in this thing we throw at them called life. Sometimes it seems we parent from the lifeboat and just let them flail until they "kinda" get it!

The plans God has for this project are the ones I want to follow. I have followed His lead from the beginning. When I was struggling with what I was supposed to be doing with my life - go back to teaching high school, continue writing children's programs/curriculum for churches and teaching teens on Sunday, go into a different field altogether - I prayed and had a long chat with God. Thankfully He doesn't mind that sometimes that means meeting me in the bathroom. I picked up one of my own teen's devotionals and opened it. The words that jumped out at me said, "WHERE IS YOUR MISSION FIELD?"

Teens have been my passion since I taught back in the mid- 90's but I guess I always thought my connection with them was completely based on the fact that being right out of college, there weren't all that many years between us. But when my own children became tweens and the conversations would go from in front of the TV to around the kitchen table WITH ME... I realized they can sense how much I love them without me even having to do anything special. Just listen, be my goofy self and let them BE who they are.

I started to think about all the books out there for them... there were some but what teens go into the bookstore and head right to the self-help section for teens? What books could I suggest for them?

Well, they wanted me to help them now.... NOW... not when I found a book and after they had the chance to read it.What could I offer with my writing background? What kinds of topics would I cover?

That's when I decided I would focus on TEEN GIRLS.

My "Advisory Team" of 30 lovelies that I like to refer to as The Butterfly Girlz have shared their lives and their best advice with me for the book and the girls from "the gathering" group on facebook, which is comprised of 230+ girls from around the country, is always buzzing with issues, advice, girls crying out for help.

I have even spent hours on the phone with MOMS who beg, "I just need your advice..."

There is a need for this book. There is a need for teen girls to feel like they have someone to turn to.

So, I see this book becoming almost interactive when paired with the LIVE scenario of a facebook group!

So, we are headed up the hill of this big ride that starts with this book proposal.

So, as you see, I propose.

Moms, can't we just stick together?

The work I do with teen girls has me handing out advice all hours of the day. One thing I wasn't expecting when I started this ministry was all of the calls and emails and facebook messages I would get from MOMS! It has been amazing helping moms hash out their relationship issues and being the sounding board for those who want to make sure they are giving sound advice to their girls. I have even had moms ask if I could run workshops for moms in between the workshops I run for teen girls!

I love BOTH sides of this coin. Walking girls through the most difficult times in their lives while standing firm with moms and supporting them in the drama of raising a teen girl. Whether you have a responsible teen or one who stretches you to the limits there is drama. Sometimes that drama is friend-induced and sometimes it is brought on directly by your daughter. Either way, we are in this together! And I always make sure I am NOT taking the place of the moms, I am constantly giving girls advice on how to go to their moms with the things they come to me with. The relationship between mother and daughter is SO valuable as they navigate their way through their teen years.

But, in the conversations I have both with moms and girls, there is a common thread that causes many of the issues. And it has happened enough even in the last 2 weeks that warrants a blog post!

Some (and I stress SOME so that you don't get angry with me) moms are getting lazy. I feel like the more drama that comes into their lives, the more laxed they become in sticking to their guns. Sure, it is EXHAUSTING being a mom of a teen girl and many of you have more than one (God bless you)! But this is all the more reason to stick to the boundaries you have set. If you think they don't know how to play their cards and push you to your breaking point just to get you to say, "FINE! Just GO! Do it! I don't care! Just STOP bugging me!" then you have completely forgotten your own teen years!

Let me give you a scenario -

Tamara asks her mom if she can stay out past the Cinderella curfew on her licence (which is 11pm) b/c her friends, Callie and Tessa want to go out for ice cream after a movie. Callie and Tessa live on the other side of town and will be taking Tessa's car to the movies. This means Tamara and Tessa will have to break curfew if they are doing ice cream after. Tamara's mom says "no" because that is breaking the law. Tamara flips out and says it's not fair b/c Callie and Tessa are allowed.

Tamara's mom calls Tessa's mom to chat this out and finds out that Tessa's mom HAS given Tessa permission to be out later than curfew, "because I just feel bad, they really want to go out for ice cream after. You know, I don't wanna be the bad guy all the time."

Moms, can't we just stick together?! Come ON!

Why are we getting lazy? Young teens are going to R-rated movies, the songs on their iPods are atrocious, the language they use and lack of respect they have for adults is insulting to say the least, and what they post on facebook - ooohhhhh, don't EVEN get me started on that!!

Why do we all of a sudden, during the years that will shape the adult they will become, do we take a break? We didn't take a break when they wanted to dart out into traffic, why now, when they are testing the boundaries with sex, drugs and alcohol do we decide it is our job to make their lives comfortable?

I am pleading with moms everywhere to TIGHTEN your reigns! Check their facebook, don't let them see movies that are intended for older audiences, don't let them drink in your home, don't give them permission to stay out beyond the curfew set by the law makers who KNOW the statistics of fatal car accidents involving teen drivers.

I talk to teens everyday who are SO confused about right and wrong because the lines have been blurred. Somewhere over the last 15 years society has trained adults to believe that the kids have a handle on this growing up thing and we should just let them do it, on their own.




Sure, Wally, that's why I made sure you had money with you.
Yes, honey, the condoms are in Aisle 7.
Have a good night. Be safe.



I don't need to ask you if there is something terribly wrong with this picture!

I had a mom tell me that she found naked pictures on her 15-year old son's phone sent from a girl he knew from school. Those pictures were accompanied with the "activities" she was offering.

You can imagine my shock when she told me she went out immediately and bought him a box of condoms.

I questioned her as to her responsibility to lay down some laws, her responsibility to tell him that having sex can mess up your whole life. There is no reason a 15 year old should think that his mom is condoning sex.

"I'm not condoning it. I told him it was unacceptable."

But by handing him the condoms after verbally setting this boundary she is sending the message, "I know you will screw up. There is no part of me that believes you can be trustworthy. I know you won't listen to anything I tell you so here you go. I am giving you permission to have sex even though I just told you it was unacceptable."

So, my questions for you today are...

Are you just lazy?

Are there things you allow your teen to do because you just don't have the energy to be consistent?

Do you give in because you hate the arguing?

...and, finally....

Are you READY for the ramifications of your laziness?

Pass this on to the moms in your circle of friends.

Agree to ALL stand up for those boundaries you have set.

And, most of all, agree to SUPPORT each other in upholding the highest standards for our teens.

Aren't they worth it?

Peace out, Mamas!

Help for Moms of Teens...

It has been a while since I posted here b/c I have been so busy running the program for teen girls  that has just taken off like wild fire...let me recap and let you know what has been going on...

When I first thought about writing a book for teen girls it came out of my frustration with what I was seeing on TV and hearing on the radio that was compromising the RESPECT our girls should have for themselves. How can a girl have respect for herself while she is singing, "C'mon rude boy, can you get it up...." Yep, that's our lovely Rhianna telling our girls to challenge boys in this way. So, I tried to come up with a way to describe how to HOLD onto our self-respect. One day I sat in Panera and wrote The Legend of the Butterfly Girlz.

A couple months later, I put out a status on my facebook calling for TEEN girls who would like to be my "go-to" girls while I write my book for TEEN GIRLS called, "My NET Worth: Every Girl's Guide to Catching Self-Respect & Keeping It." I wanted to have quotes, advice and anecdotes from REAL teens to make my book authentic and something a teen girl would hang onto like a security blanket. I saw this book as being a life-line. Out of that post came an amazing group of 31 teen girls who are now known as "The Butterfly Girlz."  These girls range in age from 12-18 and are from across the country. We have a PRIVATE facebook group where they are free to discuss teen issues. I post regular questions that help me to gather quotes and anecdotes for the book but at the same time their candid answers, humor and transparency is helping them forge friendships stronger than some forged within the same schools.

I saw the amazing strides these girls were taking and thought it was a crime to keep all of that good advice and support within the walls of the Butterfly Girlz group. So, I added a new PRIVATE group called "the gathering" which we opened just a couple weeks ago. We started with our 31 girls. Members of the group have the capacity to add friends and girls can request to join. We now have a working group of over 230 girls. The "Butterfly Girlz" have a large presence on this site and jump at the chance to support girls who post their heartache over a lost love, their shock at a pending divorce, etc. I am on "the gathering" for hours daily overseeing and offering advice. I have had girls say to me that they never imagined an adult would care enough to help them with their problems. That is so sad to me!

My teaching, workshops and book focus mainly on SELF-RESPECT and PERSONAL BOUNDARIES. I work with girls daily on "scripting" their responses to difficult situations. I have adapted a couple tips I have learned in the trenches of dealing with teens to suit the girls that meet me on facebook each and every day. This "scripting" exercise has been a BIG hit, girls are using it and being successful at setting boundaries that stick!

I have been running The Butterfly Girlz Blog which is a place that has newsworthy information on things that apply to teen girls. Every Friday I post a journaling exercise to get the girls who read the page a chance to hash out their thoughts on that subject for the day.

The Butterfly Girlz have also published their own mini-magazine/newsletter. Our first issue, the SUMMER issue came out at the beginning of May. Their writings, journal entries, pics, a write-in advice column and much more grace the pages of Butterfly Landing Magazine. We are open to submissions from teen girls anywhere.

I am planning to start summer workshops for young girls (ages 7-11) and teen girls (12-18). I have some workshops planned out but am open to catering workshops based on the needs of the schools, scout troops, churches inviting  me to speak.

There are so many ideas running through my head for weekend events that girls could  be doing simultaneously across the country but under the umbrella of The Butterfly Girlz! Random Acts of Kindness projects, support for storm ravages states, etc. I plan on having some events for just The Butterfly Girlz this summer where we SKYPE in the girls from other states.

Over the past couple weeks I have had moms ask if I could run programs for them b/c at times they are just at a loss for what to do with their girls or the drama that surrounds them. I have had moms calling in tears asking for advice, moms emailing and facebooking me for help...

I had no idea this was going to take off so quickly and become so HUGE. But I am so thrilled and blessed each and every day when someone "gets it" and I can see the proverbial light bulb click on. These girls are treasures that can not be "blown off" anymore. They have something to say, their problems are real, the media is feeding them CRAP through everyone of their senses. Boys are telling them, "it's ok, just let me show you" and they are falling for it. Girls as young as 12 are having babies, suicide attempts are now trickling down into our elementary schools and I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!

This is my contribution to the next generation and I IMPLORE you to help me spread the word. This book needs an agent and publisher, I need to branch out and speak around the country to groups of girls who are losing grip on the end of their rope. I need to do interviews, I need connections with talk radio stations. I want to save lives, I want to empower girls, I want to DREAM with them, I want them to see their potential. I want them to succeed. I want them to hold onto their butterflies and RISE ABOVE THE MUCK!

Please help me take this around the world.

Thank you for helping me inspire our FUTURE with what I have learned from all the amazing moms in my  life - and yes, that includes you!

THANK YOU!

The Legend of the BUTTERFLY GIRLS

PLEASE DONATE TO DANIELLE'S MIRACLE ------------>

~*~

In my newest project for teen girls I have started using the imagery of butterflies as an analogy of self-respect. I don't think we earn self-respect, I believe we are all born with it but we have to work to keep it. We have to nurture it for it to grow so deep it simply becomes a part of who we are. If we let it go we can get it back but not without hard work.
~*~
I developed this story as a means to explain this analogy and inspire girls to
HANG ON TO THOSE BUTTERFLIES!
Pass it on!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The Legend of the Butterfly Girls
In a remote rainforest in the far corner of Costa Rica lived two sisters. Emmalee and Miranda were twins and upon their birth, each had been given a net filled with butterflies. As they grew up their parents showed them the proper care for butterflies and impressed upon them that the nurture of these beautiful creatures was crucial to their own futures. The understanding was when Emmalee and Miranda turned ten they would become responsible for their own butterfly net.

Emmalee was honored, “Thank you, Father. I will do my best to ensure their safety and I will keep them by my side at all times. I will never turn my back on them for other things not worthy of my attention.”

Miranda was less than amused, “They are bugs. They mean nothing. Why would we sacrifice our own time nurturing these things that have no value? There are more interesting things that hold my attention.”

Emmalee began by naming her butterflies. She held each one carefully, studied it, decided how much it meant to her and chose a name perfect for just that one. She did this methodically until each one was named. As the swarm inside her net grew she was sure to continue connecting with each and every one.

Miranda took another approach and hung the net out of her site in a far dusty corner of her room. One by one the butterflies wiggled out through the holes in the net and fluttered away.

Emmalee worked tirelessly nurturing her swarm. She turned her back on some things that once took up her time. However, Miranda could not understand this and teased her sister relentlessly at times.

The difference in swarms became evident as the girls walked to school each morning. The large group of butterflies in Emmalee’s net created a lift when she needed it. Emmalee effortlessly hopped over mud puddles to keep her white school dress pristine. She was able to hop out of the way of poisonous snakes that were a part of the path. The butterflies would lift her a bit further than her hop could on its own when she came to a nasty brier patch.

Miranda’s butterflies were so small in number her net barely floated. Miranda’s walk to school became anxiety-ridden as she looked for slithering threats, sloshed through the mud and was scratched deeply by thorns along the same path that her sister walked unscathed.

Emmalee offered to teach Miranda the things she knew about holding onto her butterflies. In the days following, Miranda’s swarm would grow some but still very small in comparison to her sister’s billowy net. But it was enough to get by and Miranda was content with the small lift so she could get to school with only a little mud and a few scratches. But, Miranda would soon get distracted with what she considered more attractive things. Her old ways were comfortable and familiar and the care for the butterflies was too much sacrifice. And without constant nurturing and care, Miranda’s butterflies, once again, would slip away.

One day as Emmalee floated to school she saw Miranda standing on the lip of a smoking volcano. She called to her but Miranda didn’t respond. As Emmalee got closer she could see the scars on Miranda’s legs from the gnarls of her walk to school. Miranda’s once white school dress was stained with mud. Miranda lifted her head to see her sister floating above her.

“Miranda, what are you doing? You are going to fall. Back away from the edge. Please!”

Miranda watched her sister float directly over the mouth of the volcano. There was not an ounce of fear on Emmalee’s eyes. Her legs dangled and her toes pointed directly down into the hot lava but yet she was not scared. The net in her right hand was home to a huge brood of healthy, nurtured butterflies that could lift her above any evil. There was a trust in Emmalee’s life that Miranda never knew.

“I can’t take it anymore. I don’t know how to do what you do. I can’t float above it all. I fall face first and sink. I am dirty and broken. I have nothing.”

“Your focus has been set on the things that pull you into the muck. The things that cut you are always on your heels because your gaze is on things other than your butterflies. You can always grow your swarm. You don’t have to give up.”

Miranda wiped her eyes and shook her head, “It’s too hard to grow it. I should have just held onto it when I my net was full!”

Just then she lost her balance and teetered on the edge and lost her balance. He body heaved toward to molten lava.

Emmalee gasped and without a thought of the bubbling ooze below her feet she threw her full net toward her sister and yelled, “Miranda, catch!”

Miranda watched the net leave her sister’s hand and in the fraction of a second before the net reached her own she realized the impact of her sister’s sacrifice.

But then the sister’s eyes met as they floated together. Eye-to-eye.

“Emmalee, look at your dress, the butterflies, they are part of you.”

Emmalee looked down and saw something she had never expected. Her once plain white school dress was now exquisitely decorated with the world’s most brilliant butterflies…and they were keeping her afloat.

Emmalee now had both hands free to teach Miranda how to cultivate her own swarm and soon they both floated in butterfly dresses above the thorns and muck and were splendid examples of true sisterhood to the other girls in the forest.

*This story is copyrighted and cannot be reproduced in any way without direct permission of the author*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Thanks for reading.
If you know of someone who would benefit from this story I would love for you to send it to them. The point is for its reach to grow!

Butterfly girlz

...a swarm is forming...

I AM SO EXCITED!
As I wrote this week and worked on my project for TEEN GIRLS, I had an epiphany (LOVE that word!)

What if I created a TEAM of girls who would be my advisors during the writing process? These girls live ON the inside. They are teens NOW! They are a wealth of knowledge that I can't pretend to have. They could contribute their thoughts and feelings and be quoted throughout the book.

Then I thought of what a ripple effect it could have as they will be the first ones processing the information and exercises within my book. They will be "trained" in a sense to carry out the confidence I hope this book provides. They could become mentors within their group of friends...within their schools...within their towns.

I will provide activities and exercises for them to get to know each other so they will become a cohesive group that will inspire each other with positivity!

(OHMYGOSHTHISISSOEXCITING!!!)

So, through a large facebook following of moms from around the country, there is an amazing group of girls forming that will serve as my "butterfly girlz" for this project.

This group is still open but I will have to close it at some point so they can form close friendships with one another as we travel this road of RESPECT together.

Leave me a message with your daughter's name, age and YOUR email address if you are interested in participating in this project- you can also email the info if you would rather michellebrownlow@yahoo.com

So glad to have all of you to share this process with. As always, I am always open to your input!

Peace out, Mamas!

Bring Your Butterflies

Butterflies are a symbol of beautiful metamorphosis.

Isn't this what we hope for our teen girls?

Something beautiful.

You don't have to spend much time at all surfing the web to find that today's girls feel far less than that.
Yeah, they put on a good show but they are crushed, broken and desperate.

What they are most desperate for is self-respect. Sure, they all want love and they think they want it from another person. What they aren't developmentally capable of seeing, though, is that self-respect is directly translated to our heart as LOVE. We can't love someone else unless we love ourselves first. We can't love ourselves unless we respect ourselves. We can't respect ourselves if we continue looking in the wrong places for love. Girls search and search for this love and sadly give themselves away as a means to win someone's love.

They think this other person's "love" will fill the gaping hole they are well-aware is present in their soul. And each time they give themselves away in hope of filling that ache, the hole gets bigger. So they have to look harder but still they are looking OUT instead of IN.

I was inspired today as I sat in Panera with a steaming breadbowl full of tomato soup and my fresh lemon-ed Diet Pepsi.

Self-respect is your God-given right. You have it. But you have to decide to keep it.

It was a part of you as you formed in your mother’s womb. It is yours. But you have to hang onto it or someone can take pieces of it from you. You can get those pieces back but it’s not an easy task.

Self-respect is like a bag of butterflies.

If someone handed you a bag filled with the earth’s most beautiful butterflies and you didn’t guard them to the best of your ability, they would fly away one by one. Sure, you could get them back but it would take a lot of work and a very long time. And you may just choose to make do without them and live with the regret.

I want teen girls to protect that bag of butterflies. I want them to work to keep them in the bag and not let anyone steal with they were given.

Difficult task?
Abso-freakin'-lutely!

But can they do it?
Without a doubt!

Have faith in your teen girls. Help them hang on to their self-respect.

That's the purpose of my book.
And my prayer is to one day be speaking to seas of teen girls as the author of this book. I want to inspire them to "Bring [their] Butterflies!"

Peace out, Mamas!
**as always use the buttons above to facebook, tweet or link to this post**

I LOVE TEENS!

That's not something you hear people say all too often.
But I do.
I truly do.
I LOVE TEENS!

I remember riding on the game bus as a cheerleader. Cheerleaders in the front. Basketball players in the back. We did some cheers, got the players all hyped up and then while the coaches went over plays with the boys, the girls looked to me for entertainment. I was the squad storyteller. I have always had a knack for re-telling stories and making them funnier than they actually were OUTSIDE my head. If you have read my blog for any length of time, you know this is a fact. Just search "Barnes & Noble" on my blog and you will get it.

The other talent I seemed to have in high school was advice. Apparently, I gave really good advice. I probably could have saved myself some pain and struggle if I could have given it to myself but it doesn't always work that way, does it? Even boys came to me for advice on relationships. They called me Dear Abby.

I really had a pretty good high school experience. I was a goody two shoes who rarely did anything that got me in trouble. My worst offense was  being late. I am not a timely person and 99% of my groundings were related to the watch on my dad's arm and the one I wore.

When I taught high school before we had children, my art room was the place to hang out to get away from the drama. I spent many hours talking through life with many students. Many of those students STILL keep in touch and I am thrilled to hand out advice still...some of them still ask. I recently received a really nice note from one of those students' dad via facebook. A note about my influence on his daughter (now a new mom) and how thankful he is for me. WOW!

When you mesh my love for teens, my knack for humorous story-telling and my gift for sound advice what is born is my newest project...

...for which I don't have a name...

LOL! That would have been a great place to blow you away with a SUPER COOL TITLE! But, it has to be perfect and I have a habit of changing my mind. So, I am keeping all my ideas under wraps until I am ready.

Yes, it's a book, it's a journal, it's a road map for teen girls...
*and of course it needs someone to LOVE IT AS MUCH AS I DO... seeking representation*

I continue to advise teens to this day...I talk for hours daily via IM and text to teens on the edge. Suicidal, abused, bullied teens who feel they have no where to turn. My heart aches.

So, I saw a need...I am taking the 20+ years of advice as an adult, pairing it with my Master's Degree in Education and adding my heart...ALL of it...and my out-of-the-box tendencies to create something to help this struggling generation.

So, hop on... I'm taking you all on this ride!

FEEL FREE TO give me your input! I am happy to entertain your ideas!

And the last chapter is planned:
ADVICE YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR
~where I will list general HOW TO SURVIVE advice from adults (anonymously)
Leave some advice, you might just end up in a book!

 Peace out, Mamas!

Another RANT about music lyrics...

"What's a menage a trois?"

Now that's a question you don't expect while grilling up some black bean burgers...

But when your child forgets to have you to approve the iTunes list - THIS is what your conversations revolve around.

Needless to say, that song is GONE!

Just last week I sang Katy Perry's praises, today I ripped her song from one of the iPods in our home.

Ladies and Gentlemen, here is my new and improved LYRICS FROM THE SOAPBOX!

Katy Perry's LAST FRIDAY NIGHT
Rhianna's S & M (now from THAT title, you should KNOW, right?)
Enrique Iglesias TONIGHT (this version is OK, just know that the chorus in the original version does not say "tonight I'm loving you" - replace the L-word in that phrase with the F-word) Enrique? REALLY?
Cee-Lo Green's FORGET YOU (once again - this F-word ..."Forget" is not the same F-word in the original song. Yes, the original song is called F*** YOU!

How long do I spend looking at song lyrics? Hours.

How many times have I contacted the school, coaches, teachers about songs my children are hearing while in their care? Too many.

How often have I talked to my kids' friends about the awful messages today's music sends? Quite often.

My kids spirits, minds and bodies? Priceless.

Just an FYI, here are some other links to popular songs over the last year - be sure to take a look, you might be surprised what they are REALLY SAYING!

Black Eyed Peas' IMMA BE
Lloyd's BEDROCK
Rhianna's RUDE BOY
Kevin Rudolf's LET IT ROCK

Now, please keep in mind...
These are songs that are played on the radio...there are songs EVEN WORSE than these that your kids can easily get on their iPods.

I have had people bash me in the comments section saying I am a crazed psychopath mom who hovers too closely to her children's business...

Here's my response...
Until the are 18 years old, their business IS MY BUSINESS! What is on their facebook, in their emails, getting pumped through iPods, notes in pockets...and so on and so on...

They are my responsibility.
Sure it would be WAY easier to say, "It's none of my business." Would save me a whole SNOT-load of time to NOT be so careful of what they are exposed to...

But they are my responsibility.
They are precious gifts entrusted to me to do my very best to raise them to be productive members of society. RESPECTED members of society.

I guarantee you this type of music is where SELF-RESPECT starts breaking down.
What goes in, comes out.
Think about it.

Would love to hear your thoughts on this matter.


Peace out, Mamas!

A full plate and a life's purpose...

No, I am not at an ALL YOU CAN EAT buffet. That actually sounds good until I remember all the things that VEGANS don't eat and I realize that would be a STUPID waste of money! LOL!

I am talking about the proverbial "mom plate" - No! Not the one with the grilled cheese crusts and soggy goldfish crackers - FOLLOW ME PEOPLE, I feel like I am talking to my headphone-wearing teenagers!

As moms, we all wear lots of hats. For the last 14 years, my hat has been the one of STAY-AT-HOME mom - anyone knows that is a REALLY big hat because it holds EVERYTHING you do in ONE category. I would never say that I do more or have more stress than a working mom. A working mom just has more hats...doesn't make it a contest.

I am itching to move into new hats - and I don't know if I am emotionally ready for what that means. But before I can decide if I can mentally handle a new responsibility, I need to decide WHAT that responsibility is...

Let me explain...

My passions are simple - Christian, wife, mom, teacher.
That's it.
Plain and simple, right?
NO WAY!

Besides being a mom, my most rewarding job ever was teaching Art in Room 62 at Vestal Senior High School and Room 120 at Vestal Middle School from Fall 1993- Fall 1997. At that time, I didn't have children and those kids I saw each day, those who cried in my room during lunch, those who spilled their guts to me, those I lost to suicide, those I still talk to today were my first kids. All couple hundred of them!

The trouble is, I now crave that feeling with a LARGER group of kids than those that take art class in middle or high school.

And that's why I WRITE!
And 5 years ago I started the journey to publication.

So, while I write and submit to agents and publishers, network with fellow writers and work on the many manuscripts that speak to me from the files I get drawn in to other projects that are also in the teaching vein.

*writing a teen program on RESPECT that will travel to schools, churches, teen centers
*teaching a summer art program
*writing more teen subjects
*counselling teens online
*blogging for parents (moms)
*writing and illustrating emergent reader books
*considering applying for adjunct art positions at local universities

...and the list goes on...

AND THERE IS THE PLATE!
Catch that!
Oops it's dripping!
HELP!
Ugh!
I just made a mess, didn't I?
When I close my eyes what do I see myself doing - if I could control my own destiny, which I believe I have a part in...

((((((((((((((((((insert dreamy music and wavy visuals here))))))))))))))))))

I see myself (and this is the truth) standing on stage in an auditorium.
I have a microphone.
And I have goosebumps.
I can feel the energy of the kids tuning in to what I have to say.
I can hear nothing.
The room is silent except for my voice.
Their eyes are on me and their minds are open.
Their hearts are mending.
Their brains are inspired.
...
There is applause.
My book is handed to each student as they leave the auditorium.

((((((((((((((dreamy music and wavy visuals again)))))))))))))))))))

Don't tell my husband this -
but I don't care if I ever make a CENT touching the lives of teens.

It truly is my destiny and my focus.
I just have trouble not saying "yes" to EVERY thing that falls into that category.

An agent taking a chance on me would REALLY help me focus!

So, that's it...back to square one...what I started doing 5 years ago - trying to find the needle (right manuscript) in the haystack (perfect agency/publishing house).

So, tell me.
What would complete YOU?
What is YOUR purpose while you are on this planet?

Peace out, Mamas!

Lady Gaga - P!NK - Katy Perry - speak the TRUTH

*UPDATED*

I am supposed to be setting up my FED UP FRIDAY rant - but instead I am praising some of the top POP STARS of today. Odd for me I know...

Well, if you have read my blog for any length of time you know my SOAP BOX is pulled out quite often for lyrics to today's music. Numerous times I have ranted and raved about the under-the-radar content of the songs we allow our kids to listen to. I have mentioned (and then been brutally bashed) that my teens MAY NOT buy a song for their iPods WITHOUT my approval first.

Soulja Boy RANT
Lady Gaga RANT
Fed Up with Song Lyrics

Well, today I am actually singing the praises of three artists that I would probably just chalk up to inappropriate music. So, those of you who came to bash - you will be disappointed because I am actually thrilled with Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, P!NK and their latest songs and here is why...

Even though I have had issues with their songs on the past, I feel these three women have stepped up, recognized an issue and used their fame to get the message to the population of teens that NEED this message more than anyone. In my past rants, my issues were based in the ages of my children and my complaints were about friends THEIR age listening to music that was NOT aimed at 10 yr olds. My complaint was more toward the parents who don't monitor the music more than directed at the artists themselves.

My 3rd runner-up is the latest song by Lady Gaga, BORN THIS WAY.
(this video link is simply to the audio - not the actual video of this song)
CHECK OUT THIS VERSION though, these kids are AMAZING!

Lyrics

Now, let me preface this review-of-sorts with the disclaimer that there are lyrics in this song that many may find questionable but I am simply basing my opinion of her attempt to have a positive message.

What I like about this song is the underlying message: God made me this way and he doesn't make mistakes. Too many teens feel the need to judge and criticize when someone is different and this is where bullying begins. The message that no one has the right to judge is a good message... still not sure I love ALL of the song but I give Gaga props on her good try at positively influencing youth.

"Whether life's disabilities
left you outcast, bullied or teased
Rejoice and love yourself today
'Cause baby, you were born this way"


2nd runner up is (UPDATE) OK...one of my readers (thank you Patti) just shared THIS video with me from P!NK, I like it even better! It's the CLEAN version and is just the words with her singing - LESS THAN PERFECT



P!NK's RAISE YOUR GLASS
(disclaimer: this video is quite strange, has some sexual content and bad language which is a shame because it overshadows the lyrics which is where the GOOD message lies.)
Lyrics

Once again, I need to forewarn you, there are profanities in the un-cut version of this song. I do not enjoy hearing the F-word when I am listening to music so, I would suggest you listen to the CLEAN version of this song.

What I like about this song is the overall message: Celebrate who you are ESPECIALLY of you don't follow the crowd. Be true to you, first! Don't sell out to be what someone ELSE thinks is cool.

P!NK is the first person to act like a goof - just check out the video, she loves being a dork! This is something that needs to be embraced by teens today...just have fun, be you, "cool and popular" is SO overrated and steals who you were really meant to be right out from under you.

"So raise your glass if you are wrong, in all the right ways,all my underdogs,
We will never be never be anything but loud
and nitty gritty dirty little freaks"



\Now, my NUMBER 1 pick is Katy Perry's FIREWORK




Do you ever feel like a plastic bag

Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again


Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in


Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing


Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you


You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July


Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y


Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own


You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow


Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know


You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July


Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y


Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe"


Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through


Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

So, that's that.
I won't say that there aren't things that bother me or that I feel are questionable but sending the message that YOU WERE BORN TO SURVIVE, BORN TO BE BRAVE, BORN THIS WAY is SO important for teens who are struggling to fit in.
As parents we have to be careful not to just give them free reign, but at the same time we need to also remember they are NOT living in the world WE lived in. It's not safe, it's mean, it's filled with HATE.
Taking the good with a little (off color words/themes/humor) may be the only way to get to some kids. They are a dying breed, teens.... literally.

Looking forward to your comments!

Peace out, Mamas!

Revolutionary TEEN program in the works

Do you have one of these living in your house?

Is there a body in your home that seems to have been taken over by an alien from the planet GRUMPY?

Do you feel like the movie Invasion of the Body Snatchers actually took place overnight and they left their "duds" behind?

I have always had a passion for teens. When I taught high school, before I had children of my own, my heart was reserved for my husband and the teens I spent the day with. I sat for hours and listened to their pain. I had them come to my house to keep them safe from situations in their own homes.

You wonder if I really CAN connect with and get into the teen mind? Here is an excerpt from a novel I am currently writing:

"I barely make it to the stall before the chocolate muffin I had on my way to the bus makes its return and spews forth splashing my feet with toilet water. I wash my hands and watch the water run. I have come to the realization that my life is a lot like the never ending swirl I am staring into. You know, that last bit of soapy filth that never quite disappears. It lays dormant and dries up after all the water dissipates but comes rolling back to life when the roar of the faucet drenches it again. I have so many evils in the Rolodex labeled “abuse” in my brain. More evils than I can handle sometimes. But those same evils are my best weapon at times and help me handle the world around me so I don’t draw attention to myself. Look, the memories I dredged up ten minutes ago helped me sail painlessly through my mock presentation. I splash my face with water and head back to class."

They say the teen years are the most frustrating and painful for parents and teachers... no one knows what to do with them. Many people throw their hands up and give up. They determine "there is nothing we can do!" Well, this is my niche. I am not saying that I have all the answers but I AM saying that I vow to try and find them for a teen who has no where to turn. I have a passion to save them. One by one. But I can only save the ones I know about - the ones I have contact with.

My husband and I have hand-picked a couple other adults who love teens for who they are, see their looming downfall and want to jump in with both feet. We are creating a middle school program that will travel from school to school and not only teach tolerance, gentleness and respect but arm them with the tools they will need to survive those who are chronically intolerant, who bully like it's their job and are increasingly disrespectful to everyone in their wake.

If you think of every horror that has been born in or played out in a school... school shootings, sexual offenses, bullying, suicide, cutting, and verbal or mental abuse it all comes back to RESPECT - but there are three variations of RESPECT - respect of self, others and life.

Somewhere in our timeline, in the last 20 years, we have gone from "stupid" being unacceptable in a school setting to the words "bitch," "faggot," and "f*ck" being thrown around between classes with nothing more than a sharp look or a grimace from an adult. Teachers allow it in their classrooms, parents allow it in their homes. Sure, they are just words, but this is the FIRST place RESPECT tests its boundaries.

From those words that SHOULD make us cringe, they move to actions we don't approve of. We turn our heads and say, "they are teens, that's what they do." SURE that's what they do WHEN THEY KNOW WE ARE TURNING OUR HEADS! But what if we go toe to toe and look them right in the eye and face it...WITH THEM?

But when we don't partner with them they ACT out on themselves and others.

From words to actions - just two steps - two small steps that can mean life or death for the victim.
That victim...
THEMSELVES (drugs/alcohol, cutting, depression, suicide)
OTHERS (bullying, violence, murder)

It is a vicious circle that starts with WORDS, they are the first POWER they are given and the first one they TEST. It is up to the adults in their lives to make sure they use the POWER they are given appropriately! But we don't. We look away when it gets too heavy.
Do you shudder when you hear about the 14 yr old who hung herself b/c everyone called her a slut?
Does your heart ache when you hear of the gang rape at the school around the corner?
Are you horrified when you hear what a RAINBOW PARTY is?
Shocked to hear they pour alcohol in their eyeballs so you don't smell in on their breath?
Well, WAKE UP! They NEED us and they are CRYING out with their ACTIONS!

Neurologists will tell you that the brain is not fully developed until the mid 20's. It develops back to front. The back is where impulses are born and the front is where the control is. The teen years are filled with drama but their brains have NONE of the skills it takes to handle that drama.

If you are a teen, wish someone loved you when you were one or have one you don't know what to do with,  leave me a comment. Tell me what's on your mind.

Peace out, Mamas.

Tell me, baby, who do ya looove?

 <3 It's Valentine's Day! <3

For those of you who are single, happily divorced, unhappily divorced, still searching or whatever...
I am here to ask," Do YOU  have a VALENTINE?"

And I am here to tell you, "Yes, you do."

And for those of you who ARE married or in a serious relationship...
I am here ask, "Do YOU have a VALENTINE that ISN'T your significant other?"

And I am here to tell you, "Yes, you do."

Let me explain:

A couple nights ago I got into a pretty deep conversation with a pretty depressed teen. I don't know her that well, so I don't know the back story that caused all the self-hate that she is struggling with. But I jumped in with both feet and we started chatting.

NEWSFLASH: If a teen opens up to you...no matter WHO it is...stop everything you are doing and listen! Teens are notorious for blocking out adults - if you find yourself in a conversation with one and it starts to get deep...take a deep breath, there is a reason YOU are on the receiving end. It could be your gentle spirit that is attracting them...who knows, but don't pass up the opportunity to give your time away. The few, what may seem like, simple insights you share may just change their life.

So, anyway, this high schooler (we will change her name and call her Trisha), Trisha, was in a relationship but found herself falling for a boy who she considered her best friend. She was in a quandary and wanted some advice so we sat and chatted.

Through our conversation I found out that she and the current boyfriend fight but don't really talk a lot. (that's the norm among teen dating in case you didn't know) But the best friend is sensitive, he always tells her she is pretty and worth his time, that he would do anything to make her smile, etc.

So, I asked her, in a non-condescending way, what seemed obvious for me, "Why would you want to stay with Boy A when Boy B seems like such a better choice."

Our conversation got pretty personal and touched on some pretty painful details.

But when she told me he hated everything about herself and there was nothing about her to love, the DING DING DING-ing in my head solved her problem. She needs to love herself before she can ever give that love away. She can pretend to love, but it won't be fulfilling and beautiful. She can fake it but it won't ever take her breath away. It will never be magical.

Trisha and I are working on her issues and have built a sweet mentor/mentee relationship over the last few weeks.

But that is what brings me to my original VALENTINE'S DAY question for you...

"Do YOU have a VALENTINE?"

After reading this story about my conversation with Trisha, I hope the earth shakes with a resounding...
"YES! I AM MY OWN VALENTINE!"

You know the phrase, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't no body happy." Well, this is along those same lines.

Today as a gift to yourself, focus on the things that you LOVE about yourself.

Start with the obvious:
Maybe your hair could make a wig jealous
Your boobs are so perky they can almost look you in the eye (i hate you, btw)
...
You get the picture.

Then go deeper:
I am a compassionate friend
I give good advice
...

Then, BE YOUR OWN VALENTINE this year.
It feels good.
C'mon, you are worth it!

Here's one of those Conversation Hearts for you - from me - no calories and no gross chalk flavor!

(can someone tell me WHY those things are so popular, anyway? BLECH!)

Peace out, Mamas!

Basement Re-Do for my P-A-R-T-Y girl

So, when you get pregnant in the Spring, you are destined for a Christmas-time baby. And I have one. My daughter Emily, the 2nd child, was born on December 21st. Barring the fact that I almost died and never made it home for my first-born's 2nd Christmas, it was a great time to have a baby. I have pictures of her all snuggled with presents under the tree on that first Christmas.

Now she is 12!

But as she got older we had to finagle a birthday party without making people uncomfortable, both in schedule and in pocket, around the holidays. This year we opted to plan it WAY out into the future so her 12th birthday party we LAST NIGHT. Yep, almost 2 months later! :) She was fine with it because it gave us time to plan.

My husband envisioned a gaggle of girls and said, "Let's finish the basement." When reality struck, we realized there was no way we could finish the basement in two months so we settled for a really cool TEEN SCENE style set up that would be the place we could send everyone under the age of 30 when they came over to play Wii, spend their snow day, flirt wih or annoy each other. It was a beautiful plan.

It started by hoeing out the crap and moving what would eventually be IN the finished basement to one side and hanging a tarp to hide the carnage.

We have a LONG basement and one end has a little alcove of sorts that would work well for a TV and entertainment system. This photo shows a carpet, but basically it was a long cement rectangle when we started. My hubby found an awesome carpet remnant with pad and brought it home to start the madness. Then we wracked our brains trying to figure out what to do with the walls. We certainly weren't going to start studding and drywalling.

So, WALMART to the rescue. I invested in 40-some long vinyl party table cloths in various bring colors. You can see the cool lamp my husband picked up for them in the far right corner - those colors were my inspiration for tablecloth shopping. The really cool splatter paint banner was from my daughter's webshow, The Kim and Kelly Show - that is their backdrop.  My sons has a webshow as well, The Pete and Dave Show, and his backdrop is hanging across from hers in the other alcove we created on the left for the food/cake table for the party. Now the basement can be their "filming sets," too.

 You can see the gray tarp still hanging to the left...that was unacceptable and needed more color. :)

So more color we added...now you can see the food/cake table, too. We needed food, this was the FIRST boy/girl party. And if you are a mom of or have ever even just FED a boy, you KNOW how much they eat. This FEEDING ALCOVE was a necessity!

About 20 minutes before everyone was going to start coming, my husband decided it was perfect timing to start taking the leather furniture down so they would have the furniture we promised. This furniture has lived through the last 5 years of Izaiah and is now deemed BASEMENT quality. Translation: Mommy is getting NEW sectionals! So, anyway, it is then...20 minutes before I have a houseful of couch potato wannabes...that hubby realized our overstuffed 400 lb couches WON'T FIT THROUGH THE BASEMENT DOOR!

 We opt for the bilco door outside - but the ice storms have made navigating to that side of the house while carrying a 400 lb couch completly impossible.

Now, what? 10 minutes to spare (because I had a 10 minute why-would-you-wait-until-now-temper tantrum) so I jumped in the car and stole 18 bean bags from the nearest church ran to my classroom at church to borrow the  beanbags we use for our 5th/6th graders on Sunday mornings. The beanbags were fun and way more iCarly-style than leather couches (which will eventually be inthe basement - as soon as the ice melts)

I reused the "12" candles from December and in between movies and the JUST DANCE Wii Olympics, we sang and had cake. I love my kids' friends, I truly do. But having the option to sit upstairs with my husband and watch

MY NEW TV!

This morning when they all came up, I had the fixins for pancakes all ready. When I asked who wanted breakfast they told me they were coming up to get the vaccuum to clean up the basement before they ate.

And now they DANCE...no wonder they are all so skinny! LOL!

This is the only evidence that there was a basement full of teenagers last night!!

See why I love these girls so much?!

Peace out, Mamas!

 



Score your own MIDDLE SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL BOOK

When I spoke with Annie Fox on the phone a couple months ago, we clicked! Both being so passionate about kids, we talked and talked and the ideas flowed and flowed! It was like a geyser of "save the world starting with the kids" conversation!

So, a week later when BOOK 2: Real Friends vs. the Other Kind arrived in the mail, my oldest son happened to be dealing with the stress of a tryout for the Christmas concert soloist. He wasn't concerned with not getting the part, he was concerned that some of the other boys in the class would make fun of him for WANTING the part.

He explained the scenario when the teacher asked, "Who would like to try out?"

"Mom, I heard her ask the question and before I even had a chance to think about it, my arm shot up! It was automatic. I didn't even realize I was raising it until she called my name."

"That's great, bud!"

"But when the teacher called my name, "J" and "M" both said, 'Yeah, you SHOULD do it!'"

"And....what's wrong with that?"

"I think they were making fun of me. I think they want me to try out so they can make fun of me."

"Why would you think that?"

"I don't know."

So...I pulled out Annie's book, handed it to him (he LOVES graphic novels) and said, "I will be back in a little bit, you can tell me what you think when I get back."

The books are filled with honest comments from kids in that "tween" bracket. But on-going through those comments is a scenario that reads like a comic book, a scenario about Real Friends and how to deal with those who aren't. Annie's website is split into three parts: For Teens, For Parents, For Educators. BRILLIANT!

Now, you see WHY I handed him this book!

Needless to say, he tried out for the solo and was shocked when those two boys patted him on the back and said, "Great job!" The fear he had of them wanting to make fun of him was created out of his insecurity of BEING who he really is. I truly think, had I not had Annie's book to use as a guide, he may not have listened as clearly to another one of Mom's "when I was a kid" stories.

Annie's characters are REAL and RIGHT NOW!

You can win your own copy of this book to give to your favorite TWEEN for Christmas! Simply leave a comment (and a tween scenario if you like) and RANDOM.ORG will choose the winner.

Peace.