I'm proposing....

Yes, you know I am married. But that leaves you wondering who I am proposing to and why would a married woman blast her extra-marital business across the internet for everyone to judge...

I am writing a PROPOSAL...
for a BOOK...
MY book for teen girls.

Ladies, is there not enough gossip in the tabloids to hold your attention? You needed to come here to try and find some? You know you don't get gossip here. Just good ole' fun about being a mom and my tricks of the trade when it comes to dealing with kids...and now TEENS... of my own and other people's teens.

"You are AMAZING! I just wanted you to know I couldn't have gotten through this year without you!"
After I got this message I realized how this incredible ride I am on is just the beginning - Ladies and Gentlemen, we are just about to pull out of the gate...HOLD ON, it's going to be a crazy ride!

This morning my PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE devotional said that people who look into their own future and envision their lives "down the road" actually have more success than people who just plod along day by day.

Well, would ya look at that, all the people who think I am an incurable DREAMER are right...and I don't have to feel like I am getting tsk-tsk'ed by the teacher when they say it. Now, the next time someone says, "She's got her head in the clouds again..." I can say, "YOU BET I DO!! Grab your tickets now, you're gonna wanna see THIS!"

So, the theme of my morning devotional was PERFECT for the day I would rush out the door to my favorite and most productive writing spot - PANERA - as soon as my husband packed up the kids for the pool. I have been asked to plot my marketing plans for this book.

So, get comfy and insert the dreamy music here...

I see a shelf filled with a series of books and journals, activity books and picture books by Michelle Kemper Brownlow for teen girls that will raise their awareness of the world around them and give them the permission to OWN the space they take up. That space will be unique and beautiful like each of them and will have distinct boundaries that will celebrate the kind of woman they are "training" to become. Now, I know all these books would be spread all over the bookstore in their respective genre - but just humor me. Let's PRETEND I would have my own shelf. Isn't it pretty?

I see my iPhone (which I don't have yet) and make sure I synced it (which I don't know how to do) with my calendar so that the directions to the school I am speaking at later this week is included.

I see myself lurching back and forth as I tell just one of my many goofball stories that accompany every workshop I run. I have sat with young girls for over 9 years and made stories from my own life relevant to what we were talking about that day. Whether it was girl drama, boys and boundaries or parents, I have the story - ask them, they'll tell you!

I see flying (gasp, gasp, I don't like planes....breathe....if God wants me to I will....that's better) to events, book signings, TV appearances (OK - that felt weird to type), speaking engagements, schools to share something I have lived through and learned with girls who are struggling to stay afloat in this thing we throw at them called life. Sometimes it seems we parent from the lifeboat and just let them flail until they "kinda" get it!

The plans God has for this project are the ones I want to follow. I have followed His lead from the beginning. When I was struggling with what I was supposed to be doing with my life - go back to teaching high school, continue writing children's programs/curriculum for churches and teaching teens on Sunday, go into a different field altogether - I prayed and had a long chat with God. Thankfully He doesn't mind that sometimes that means meeting me in the bathroom. I picked up one of my own teen's devotionals and opened it. The words that jumped out at me said, "WHERE IS YOUR MISSION FIELD?"

Teens have been my passion since I taught back in the mid- 90's but I guess I always thought my connection with them was completely based on the fact that being right out of college, there weren't all that many years between us. But when my own children became tweens and the conversations would go from in front of the TV to around the kitchen table WITH ME... I realized they can sense how much I love them without me even having to do anything special. Just listen, be my goofy self and let them BE who they are.

I started to think about all the books out there for them... there were some but what teens go into the bookstore and head right to the self-help section for teens? What books could I suggest for them?

Well, they wanted me to help them now.... NOW... not when I found a book and after they had the chance to read it.What could I offer with my writing background? What kinds of topics would I cover?

That's when I decided I would focus on TEEN GIRLS.

My "Advisory Team" of 30 lovelies that I like to refer to as The Butterfly Girlz have shared their lives and their best advice with me for the book and the girls from "the gathering" group on facebook, which is comprised of 230+ girls from around the country, is always buzzing with issues, advice, girls crying out for help.

I have even spent hours on the phone with MOMS who beg, "I just need your advice..."

There is a need for this book. There is a need for teen girls to feel like they have someone to turn to.

So, I see this book becoming almost interactive when paired with the LIVE scenario of a facebook group!

So, we are headed up the hill of this big ride that starts with this book proposal.

So, as you see, I propose.

Moms, can't we just stick together?

The work I do with teen girls has me handing out advice all hours of the day. One thing I wasn't expecting when I started this ministry was all of the calls and emails and facebook messages I would get from MOMS! It has been amazing helping moms hash out their relationship issues and being the sounding board for those who want to make sure they are giving sound advice to their girls. I have even had moms ask if I could run workshops for moms in between the workshops I run for teen girls!

I love BOTH sides of this coin. Walking girls through the most difficult times in their lives while standing firm with moms and supporting them in the drama of raising a teen girl. Whether you have a responsible teen or one who stretches you to the limits there is drama. Sometimes that drama is friend-induced and sometimes it is brought on directly by your daughter. Either way, we are in this together! And I always make sure I am NOT taking the place of the moms, I am constantly giving girls advice on how to go to their moms with the things they come to me with. The relationship between mother and daughter is SO valuable as they navigate their way through their teen years.

But, in the conversations I have both with moms and girls, there is a common thread that causes many of the issues. And it has happened enough even in the last 2 weeks that warrants a blog post!

Some (and I stress SOME so that you don't get angry with me) moms are getting lazy. I feel like the more drama that comes into their lives, the more laxed they become in sticking to their guns. Sure, it is EXHAUSTING being a mom of a teen girl and many of you have more than one (God bless you)! But this is all the more reason to stick to the boundaries you have set. If you think they don't know how to play their cards and push you to your breaking point just to get you to say, "FINE! Just GO! Do it! I don't care! Just STOP bugging me!" then you have completely forgotten your own teen years!

Let me give you a scenario -

Tamara asks her mom if she can stay out past the Cinderella curfew on her licence (which is 11pm) b/c her friends, Callie and Tessa want to go out for ice cream after a movie. Callie and Tessa live on the other side of town and will be taking Tessa's car to the movies. This means Tamara and Tessa will have to break curfew if they are doing ice cream after. Tamara's mom says "no" because that is breaking the law. Tamara flips out and says it's not fair b/c Callie and Tessa are allowed.

Tamara's mom calls Tessa's mom to chat this out and finds out that Tessa's mom HAS given Tessa permission to be out later than curfew, "because I just feel bad, they really want to go out for ice cream after. You know, I don't wanna be the bad guy all the time."

Moms, can't we just stick together?! Come ON!

Why are we getting lazy? Young teens are going to R-rated movies, the songs on their iPods are atrocious, the language they use and lack of respect they have for adults is insulting to say the least, and what they post on facebook - ooohhhhh, don't EVEN get me started on that!!

Why do we all of a sudden, during the years that will shape the adult they will become, do we take a break? We didn't take a break when they wanted to dart out into traffic, why now, when they are testing the boundaries with sex, drugs and alcohol do we decide it is our job to make their lives comfortable?

I am pleading with moms everywhere to TIGHTEN your reigns! Check their facebook, don't let them see movies that are intended for older audiences, don't let them drink in your home, don't give them permission to stay out beyond the curfew set by the law makers who KNOW the statistics of fatal car accidents involving teen drivers.

I talk to teens everyday who are SO confused about right and wrong because the lines have been blurred. Somewhere over the last 15 years society has trained adults to believe that the kids have a handle on this growing up thing and we should just let them do it, on their own.




Sure, Wally, that's why I made sure you had money with you.
Yes, honey, the condoms are in Aisle 7.
Have a good night. Be safe.



I don't need to ask you if there is something terribly wrong with this picture!

I had a mom tell me that she found naked pictures on her 15-year old son's phone sent from a girl he knew from school. Those pictures were accompanied with the "activities" she was offering.

You can imagine my shock when she told me she went out immediately and bought him a box of condoms.

I questioned her as to her responsibility to lay down some laws, her responsibility to tell him that having sex can mess up your whole life. There is no reason a 15 year old should think that his mom is condoning sex.

"I'm not condoning it. I told him it was unacceptable."

But by handing him the condoms after verbally setting this boundary she is sending the message, "I know you will screw up. There is no part of me that believes you can be trustworthy. I know you won't listen to anything I tell you so here you go. I am giving you permission to have sex even though I just told you it was unacceptable."

So, my questions for you today are...

Are you just lazy?

Are there things you allow your teen to do because you just don't have the energy to be consistent?

Do you give in because you hate the arguing?

...and, finally....

Are you READY for the ramifications of your laziness?

Pass this on to the moms in your circle of friends.

Agree to ALL stand up for those boundaries you have set.

And, most of all, agree to SUPPORT each other in upholding the highest standards for our teens.

Aren't they worth it?

Peace out, Mamas!

Help for Moms of Teens...

It has been a while since I posted here b/c I have been so busy running the program for teen girls  that has just taken off like wild fire...let me recap and let you know what has been going on...

When I first thought about writing a book for teen girls it came out of my frustration with what I was seeing on TV and hearing on the radio that was compromising the RESPECT our girls should have for themselves. How can a girl have respect for herself while she is singing, "C'mon rude boy, can you get it up...." Yep, that's our lovely Rhianna telling our girls to challenge boys in this way. So, I tried to come up with a way to describe how to HOLD onto our self-respect. One day I sat in Panera and wrote The Legend of the Butterfly Girlz.

A couple months later, I put out a status on my facebook calling for TEEN girls who would like to be my "go-to" girls while I write my book for TEEN GIRLS called, "My NET Worth: Every Girl's Guide to Catching Self-Respect & Keeping It." I wanted to have quotes, advice and anecdotes from REAL teens to make my book authentic and something a teen girl would hang onto like a security blanket. I saw this book as being a life-line. Out of that post came an amazing group of 31 teen girls who are now known as "The Butterfly Girlz."  These girls range in age from 12-18 and are from across the country. We have a PRIVATE facebook group where they are free to discuss teen issues. I post regular questions that help me to gather quotes and anecdotes for the book but at the same time their candid answers, humor and transparency is helping them forge friendships stronger than some forged within the same schools.

I saw the amazing strides these girls were taking and thought it was a crime to keep all of that good advice and support within the walls of the Butterfly Girlz group. So, I added a new PRIVATE group called "the gathering" which we opened just a couple weeks ago. We started with our 31 girls. Members of the group have the capacity to add friends and girls can request to join. We now have a working group of over 230 girls. The "Butterfly Girlz" have a large presence on this site and jump at the chance to support girls who post their heartache over a lost love, their shock at a pending divorce, etc. I am on "the gathering" for hours daily overseeing and offering advice. I have had girls say to me that they never imagined an adult would care enough to help them with their problems. That is so sad to me!

My teaching, workshops and book focus mainly on SELF-RESPECT and PERSONAL BOUNDARIES. I work with girls daily on "scripting" their responses to difficult situations. I have adapted a couple tips I have learned in the trenches of dealing with teens to suit the girls that meet me on facebook each and every day. This "scripting" exercise has been a BIG hit, girls are using it and being successful at setting boundaries that stick!

I have been running The Butterfly Girlz Blog which is a place that has newsworthy information on things that apply to teen girls. Every Friday I post a journaling exercise to get the girls who read the page a chance to hash out their thoughts on that subject for the day.

The Butterfly Girlz have also published their own mini-magazine/newsletter. Our first issue, the SUMMER issue came out at the beginning of May. Their writings, journal entries, pics, a write-in advice column and much more grace the pages of Butterfly Landing Magazine. We are open to submissions from teen girls anywhere.

I am planning to start summer workshops for young girls (ages 7-11) and teen girls (12-18). I have some workshops planned out but am open to catering workshops based on the needs of the schools, scout troops, churches inviting  me to speak.

There are so many ideas running through my head for weekend events that girls could  be doing simultaneously across the country but under the umbrella of The Butterfly Girlz! Random Acts of Kindness projects, support for storm ravages states, etc. I plan on having some events for just The Butterfly Girlz this summer where we SKYPE in the girls from other states.

Over the past couple weeks I have had moms ask if I could run programs for them b/c at times they are just at a loss for what to do with their girls or the drama that surrounds them. I have had moms calling in tears asking for advice, moms emailing and facebooking me for help...

I had no idea this was going to take off so quickly and become so HUGE. But I am so thrilled and blessed each and every day when someone "gets it" and I can see the proverbial light bulb click on. These girls are treasures that can not be "blown off" anymore. They have something to say, their problems are real, the media is feeding them CRAP through everyone of their senses. Boys are telling them, "it's ok, just let me show you" and they are falling for it. Girls as young as 12 are having babies, suicide attempts are now trickling down into our elementary schools and I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!

This is my contribution to the next generation and I IMPLORE you to help me spread the word. This book needs an agent and publisher, I need to branch out and speak around the country to groups of girls who are losing grip on the end of their rope. I need to do interviews, I need connections with talk radio stations. I want to save lives, I want to empower girls, I want to DREAM with them, I want them to see their potential. I want them to succeed. I want them to hold onto their butterflies and RISE ABOVE THE MUCK!

Please help me take this around the world.

Thank you for helping me inspire our FUTURE with what I have learned from all the amazing moms in my  life - and yes, that includes you!

THANK YOU!

The Legend of the BUTTERFLY GIRLS

PLEASE DONATE TO DANIELLE'S MIRACLE ------------>

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In my newest project for teen girls I have started using the imagery of butterflies as an analogy of self-respect. I don't think we earn self-respect, I believe we are all born with it but we have to work to keep it. We have to nurture it for it to grow so deep it simply becomes a part of who we are. If we let it go we can get it back but not without hard work.
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I developed this story as a means to explain this analogy and inspire girls to
HANG ON TO THOSE BUTTERFLIES!
Pass it on!

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The Legend of the Butterfly Girls
In a remote rainforest in the far corner of Costa Rica lived two sisters. Emmalee and Miranda were twins and upon their birth, each had been given a net filled with butterflies. As they grew up their parents showed them the proper care for butterflies and impressed upon them that the nurture of these beautiful creatures was crucial to their own futures. The understanding was when Emmalee and Miranda turned ten they would become responsible for their own butterfly net.

Emmalee was honored, “Thank you, Father. I will do my best to ensure their safety and I will keep them by my side at all times. I will never turn my back on them for other things not worthy of my attention.”

Miranda was less than amused, “They are bugs. They mean nothing. Why would we sacrifice our own time nurturing these things that have no value? There are more interesting things that hold my attention.”

Emmalee began by naming her butterflies. She held each one carefully, studied it, decided how much it meant to her and chose a name perfect for just that one. She did this methodically until each one was named. As the swarm inside her net grew she was sure to continue connecting with each and every one.

Miranda took another approach and hung the net out of her site in a far dusty corner of her room. One by one the butterflies wiggled out through the holes in the net and fluttered away.

Emmalee worked tirelessly nurturing her swarm. She turned her back on some things that once took up her time. However, Miranda could not understand this and teased her sister relentlessly at times.

The difference in swarms became evident as the girls walked to school each morning. The large group of butterflies in Emmalee’s net created a lift when she needed it. Emmalee effortlessly hopped over mud puddles to keep her white school dress pristine. She was able to hop out of the way of poisonous snakes that were a part of the path. The butterflies would lift her a bit further than her hop could on its own when she came to a nasty brier patch.

Miranda’s butterflies were so small in number her net barely floated. Miranda’s walk to school became anxiety-ridden as she looked for slithering threats, sloshed through the mud and was scratched deeply by thorns along the same path that her sister walked unscathed.

Emmalee offered to teach Miranda the things she knew about holding onto her butterflies. In the days following, Miranda’s swarm would grow some but still very small in comparison to her sister’s billowy net. But it was enough to get by and Miranda was content with the small lift so she could get to school with only a little mud and a few scratches. But, Miranda would soon get distracted with what she considered more attractive things. Her old ways were comfortable and familiar and the care for the butterflies was too much sacrifice. And without constant nurturing and care, Miranda’s butterflies, once again, would slip away.

One day as Emmalee floated to school she saw Miranda standing on the lip of a smoking volcano. She called to her but Miranda didn’t respond. As Emmalee got closer she could see the scars on Miranda’s legs from the gnarls of her walk to school. Miranda’s once white school dress was stained with mud. Miranda lifted her head to see her sister floating above her.

“Miranda, what are you doing? You are going to fall. Back away from the edge. Please!”

Miranda watched her sister float directly over the mouth of the volcano. There was not an ounce of fear on Emmalee’s eyes. Her legs dangled and her toes pointed directly down into the hot lava but yet she was not scared. The net in her right hand was home to a huge brood of healthy, nurtured butterflies that could lift her above any evil. There was a trust in Emmalee’s life that Miranda never knew.

“I can’t take it anymore. I don’t know how to do what you do. I can’t float above it all. I fall face first and sink. I am dirty and broken. I have nothing.”

“Your focus has been set on the things that pull you into the muck. The things that cut you are always on your heels because your gaze is on things other than your butterflies. You can always grow your swarm. You don’t have to give up.”

Miranda wiped her eyes and shook her head, “It’s too hard to grow it. I should have just held onto it when I my net was full!”

Just then she lost her balance and teetered on the edge and lost her balance. He body heaved toward to molten lava.

Emmalee gasped and without a thought of the bubbling ooze below her feet she threw her full net toward her sister and yelled, “Miranda, catch!”

Miranda watched the net leave her sister’s hand and in the fraction of a second before the net reached her own she realized the impact of her sister’s sacrifice.

But then the sister’s eyes met as they floated together. Eye-to-eye.

“Emmalee, look at your dress, the butterflies, they are part of you.”

Emmalee looked down and saw something she had never expected. Her once plain white school dress was now exquisitely decorated with the world’s most brilliant butterflies…and they were keeping her afloat.

Emmalee now had both hands free to teach Miranda how to cultivate her own swarm and soon they both floated in butterfly dresses above the thorns and muck and were splendid examples of true sisterhood to the other girls in the forest.

*This story is copyrighted and cannot be reproduced in any way without direct permission of the author*
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Thanks for reading.
If you know of someone who would benefit from this story I would love for you to send it to them. The point is for its reach to grow!

Bring Your Butterflies

Butterflies are a symbol of beautiful metamorphosis.

Isn't this what we hope for our teen girls?

Something beautiful.

You don't have to spend much time at all surfing the web to find that today's girls feel far less than that.
Yeah, they put on a good show but they are crushed, broken and desperate.

What they are most desperate for is self-respect. Sure, they all want love and they think they want it from another person. What they aren't developmentally capable of seeing, though, is that self-respect is directly translated to our heart as LOVE. We can't love someone else unless we love ourselves first. We can't love ourselves unless we respect ourselves. We can't respect ourselves if we continue looking in the wrong places for love. Girls search and search for this love and sadly give themselves away as a means to win someone's love.

They think this other person's "love" will fill the gaping hole they are well-aware is present in their soul. And each time they give themselves away in hope of filling that ache, the hole gets bigger. So they have to look harder but still they are looking OUT instead of IN.

I was inspired today as I sat in Panera with a steaming breadbowl full of tomato soup and my fresh lemon-ed Diet Pepsi.

Self-respect is your God-given right. You have it. But you have to decide to keep it.

It was a part of you as you formed in your mother’s womb. It is yours. But you have to hang onto it or someone can take pieces of it from you. You can get those pieces back but it’s not an easy task.

Self-respect is like a bag of butterflies.

If someone handed you a bag filled with the earth’s most beautiful butterflies and you didn’t guard them to the best of your ability, they would fly away one by one. Sure, you could get them back but it would take a lot of work and a very long time. And you may just choose to make do without them and live with the regret.

I want teen girls to protect that bag of butterflies. I want them to work to keep them in the bag and not let anyone steal with they were given.

Difficult task?
Abso-freakin'-lutely!

But can they do it?
Without a doubt!

Have faith in your teen girls. Help them hang on to their self-respect.

That's the purpose of my book.
And my prayer is to one day be speaking to seas of teen girls as the author of this book. I want to inspire them to "Bring [their] Butterflies!"

Peace out, Mamas!
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