It's almost RESOLUTION time!

So, what will yours be?

Every year since I was 3, I think, I have resolved to get healthy and lose weight. If you have read my blog long enough you have been privy to all of my overzealous plans to get fit.

Well, this year, I MEAN IT! LOL!

I am not a hefty person but I am at a weight that I am uncomfortable being. I need to suck it in a little too much and that can make you lightheaded if you have to do it for too long. It's that weight that makes you feel like parts that shouldn't be are sticking out. When your boobs pop out for your bra when you bend down to pick something up. And with those gosh darned short crotch jeans, your whole backside waves to everyone if you have to bend even a little bit.

It's like a choreographed dance when you are out to impress and you are trying to look skinny when you're really not. Let's face it, no one knows how flabby you are unless you are naked and, I hope, not that many people see you naked.

The dance starts with the PULL AND TUCK. I do this one often...You grab onto the belt loops of your jeans as you stand and hoist them to your throat while trying to tuck in that extra roll as you pull.

Then there's the SUCK IN AND SMOOTH OUT. This step is typically performed in a mirror. You check yourself out, turn sideways, suck it in and readjust underwear, pantyhose and bra until the creases, ridges and rolls have been eradicated. Only attempt this in the Ladies Room, it is not an attractive part of the dance.

And of course we have the SIT TALL AND HOLD IT to round out the evening out. This step gives me gut-wrenching indigestion...but at least I looked thin when I am writhing in pain (before I cut myself out of my pantyhose). While eating, we hear our mother's voice telling us to "sit up straight and stop slouching!" So, we do. And naturally when you do this, your midsection is elongated. You would think this would allow MORE room for food, but somehow the sucking in of the gut makes for tremendous amounts of stabbing pain.

So, in light of this discussion, I WILL ONCE MORE BE RESOLVING TO GET IN SHAPE. I guess if I dust off that Wii Fit my kids got me for Mother's Day and plug my ears when it yells at me for not "stepping on" in about 7 months, maybe I could do this.

Anyone else? Wanna start a revolution? Let me know, maybe we can make a contest out of it!

**Oh, geez, the kids are out of the house...Dr. Phil is coming on....WHERE ARE THOSE FREAKING CHRISTMAS COOKIES??!! What? It's not January 1st yet! I need to get rid of all of the bad food, right? And it would be wasteful to throw it away! My neighbors and friends spent a lot of time on these!**

OHMs Planning Ahead!

This morning I headed off to camp, dropped off the big kids and then the little guy and I headed to the gym. He played and I walked...and walked...and walked. Picked up the kids from camp and headed for the pool. 3 extra kids followed me home and the baby got NO nap! So, that's why this week's OHM! CHECK IN is late...so sorry! But, here I am! Are you? In the comments section, please "sign in" by telling us how much weight you have lost, your biggest "UP" this week and your lowest "LOW." And this week, how about leaving us with your favorite lo-cal snack, too. This week I want you to focus on PLANNING! There is nothing that can mess up a diet more than a poorly planned day! You have to take the kids to the doctor and there is an extraordinarily long wait. It's lunchtime and you have NO FOOD with you. Your choices are as follows: a.) grit your teeth and muscle your way through the hunger pangs b.) cause a diversion and when the receptionist turns her head you grab the bucket of lollipops and run for the bathroom where you crunch your way through 67 circles of sugary goodness. c.) leave the appt. and head for the closest fast food drive-thru ALL of the above choices are poor ones. The easiest and best one would have been: d.) calmly pull the ziploc filled with grapes/nuts and raisins/dry cereal (insert lo-cal food of choice) from your purse and share with your child while you wait for the doctor. I have come to realize that stress causes my brain to misfire. I may be on the right track all day, reaching for carrots instead of chocolate, drinking lots of water, etc. and then one too many temper tantrums or sibling squabbles and I head right for what has become known as "Mom's Secret Sanctum" - a corner cabinet that usually hides left-over chocolate from school fundraisers or teacher gifts that I broke into before I gave the gift. So, this week I had an epiphany. If I had my whole day planned out - everything that would touch my tongue would be planned ahead of time. That way, if the baby is freaking out and the clock is ticking closer and closer to noon, I don't have to bat an eye b/c I know exactly what is on MY menu today. And then, what if I used that same menu all week? The sheer simplicity of that made me giggle! So, I will be trying this for a couple weeks to see what I think about it. Here's a sample of what I am talking about: Breakfast 1/2 cups rice crispies w/ 1/2 cup skim milk (160 cals) Lunch Lean Cuisine Panini/Wrap (380 cals) apple (60 cals) Dinner Salad w/ 4 T lo-cal dressing (100 cals) 1 oz. cheese or croutons and sunflower seeds (100 cals) Snacks apple w/ 1 T peanut butter (155 cals) 18 baby carrots w/ 1 T lite ranch dressing (110 cals) 1 2% skim string cheese (90 cals) 1 cup of grapes (100 cals) (substitute one of these for a 100 calorie ice cream treat) This daily intake plan totals out at 1415 calories. Not too shabby for all that food. If you have a PLAN you won't be tempted to eat the dog as you make dinner or break up a fight. My biggest suggestion is to type up YOUR day and have copies of it on hand. As you eat something off the list, cross it off. That way you can change up your day as your cravings change. Have salad for lunch and your Lean Cuisine for dinner, etc. This PLAN also has your back when you are feeling yourself get hungry...you know what your next snack is - no wondering, no thinking and your mind won't wander toward all those BAD FOR YOU things that you WISH you could eat. Try this for the week and see how your scale pays you back for planning ahead! If you haven't joined us for the other OHM! posts (btw, OHM! stands for One Hot Mama!) head back to each Tuesday's post for the last month - Tuesdays are OHM! days! Good for you ladies! Way to stick with it! Way to be a LOSER!

This is my life...

Funny? You are laughing? Well, what you don't know is my youngest babe is an avid swimming baseball player...he was in the middle of eating his protein-packed lunch when he got a call from his coach...yeah, this is my life!

Something else that is a big part of my life - and I shudder to think HOW big it is - is dropping the weight I have packed on since the baby was placed with us. What is funny is, I joked with my friends that this was the BEST way to have a baby - no fat belly, no post-preg weight to lose! Well, isn't that a crock?! Apparently a crock of cheese, chocolate, ice cream and french fries. And a 20th Class Reunion to boot! CRAP! September 19th is my reunion and I refuse to be the "awww, she used to be so cute. Wasn't she a cheerleader? Guess motherhood got to her!" alumni! I wanna be my high school weight! LOL! That's just a SNOT LOAD of weight to loose in 3 months! Oh well, there's something to be said about lifting the bar.

Yesterday I joined the YMCA! I have walked/ran 8 miles since signing my name on the dotted line and watched what I have been eating. Did you know Rice Krispie Treats are only 90 calories? GENIOUS!

I have done this weight loss thing since I was 12. I have been Bulemic. I have been skinny. During my 2nd pregnancy, my waist measured a WHOPPING 50"!! I have done Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, South Beach, Atkins as well as the eat-everything-you-want-to-and-pretend-you-are-skinny diet.

I am convince having kids makes you fat. Not the pregnancy and birthing part, even thought that's a big culprit, but the "We can't waste this - I will just gobble down 42 cold chicken nuggets while loading the dishwasher."

Let's face it, as mom's we eat STRANGE things! Things we would never order in a restaurant!

I've done this rant before...click here!

PB&J crusts

Back-washed Hi-C

Cold tomato soup

Soggy grilled cheese

Gold-fish crackers from the back-back seat of your van

So......anyone wanna join me on a quest to be ONE HOT MAMA?! There is power in numbers my friends! How much weight do you think we could lose together? Hundreds?

Feast or Famine...

WHY DOES BEING A MOM MAKE ME FAT? (if this does not pertain to you - if you are not the least bit chubby and you are a mom, pick up your right foot and stomp it down REAALLY hard on your left...there...I feel better!) So, today as I wiped peanut butter and fluff off my leather couch (and licked my fingers) I started to think about this question. I was pretty thin at one time. Then.I.had.kids. Three.of.them! I chase a toddler all day and a baseball player and an ice-skater after school...why do I not weigh like 37 pounds? Why does my body feel more like a sausage than pretzel rod? Of course kids make you fat starting at conception when they cram their 11 pound (in my daughter's case) baby-selves into your abdomen and sit there for almost a year. What else is there to do when your belly, that the summer before bared itself between bikini pieces, now measures the same circumference as a small elephant but sit and EAT! I have heard people say that they exercised up until the day they delivered. Honey...I had a 50" circumference, I couldn't reach my toes, walk faster than a slug or sit UP. I laid back. LOTS of laying back! If I could have stayed in shape by balancing objects on the stomach that stuck so far out I couldn't reach it's front...I'd be Cindy FREAKIN' Crawford right now. I need to find a picture and post it... Then those little slimy creatures make their way out of your midsection....hmmmm....let's see, 11 pound baby, naturally, no drugs, no episiotomy....let's not go there!! Then, you can't eat enough while you are nursing. I was eating pounds of bacon, cheetos and cupcakes breakfast bars each time I got up with my kids to nurse them. Those calories are tough to burn when all you do is sit and nurse a baby all day. Then they start eating and you have to taste-test everything. Peas and Beef (BARF!), Chicken and Broccoli (BARF!) 13 jars of Blueberry Buckle in a row makes for a great dessert....did I say that? I never did that! Swear! It was 11, not 13! Table food - here is when the trouble sets in! I am not a lover of mac 'n cheese, hot dogs, graham crackers, PB & J or goldfish crackers...so WHY DO I CONTINUE TO EAT THEM? Cold soup and crusts, smashed pretzels and popcorn, seriously gross food. My kids plates are disgusting by the end of the meal. If a child-less person saw what corn, mashed potatoes, orange juice and spit-back-out apple chunks looked like - they would never come to my house again...Hmmmm...my sister is a child-less person - she rarely eats here...I guess now I know why. When I was in Chicago with "the gang" and the waiter said, "And for you ma'am?" (btw...ma'am is NOT what I am - I hate being called that!!) What if I placed my order like this... "First I would like some crushed teddy grahams and warm grapes - could you add a little couch fuzz to those grapes? Thanks." "And for your main course?" "I think I will have the cold grilled cheese...hold the middles please, I really only like the crust. Extra milk dripped on to make them nice and soggy. Can you do that? Thanks." "And for dessert?" "Mmmmm. Dessert. I am going to try the PB & Fluff on Graham Crackers. And, could you lick some of the fluff from around the corners to 'neaten' them up? And a big glass of warm milk." "Crumbs and backwash?" "Oh, yes. Please!" And I wonder why it is hard to keep the pounds off. Sheesh! But when I am feeling fat and dieting trying to make better choices (like I am now) it seems that the bad for me stuff is comforting... Case in point...

When I found the cutting boards UNDER the couch cushions, did I crave fresh fruit salad or a SONIC burger?

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When my toddler decided to SHAVE HIS NOSE (yes, that really and truly happened today), did my stomach call out for 8 lightly salted almonds or an 8-layer chocolate cake?

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When the victim of the nasal accident chose the wrong color lipstick (magic-marker), was lettuce spritzed with light dressing or nachos on the menu?

Do you see where I am going with this? It's all about STRESS!! This week Cindy Crawford was on The View and she mentioned how after 2 kids she doesn't dance in bikini for her husband anymore. WTFreak? She could dance in a bikini INSIDE my left pant leg!! So, I am off to start dinner b/c lots of kids are coming over after school - I need to just pop something in the oven as the chaos ensues. I am thinking Extra cheesy enchiladas with corncake and pico de gallo, a side of chips and guac and that 8-layer chocolate cake a leaf of lettuce and an apple.