Hello, is this Ms. Way-too-Busy?

Um, why, yes, yes it is. But you can call me...

Ha! Yeah, never mind, I won't be in your life all that long, but you can call me Mr. Sanity.

Can you hold on one second? "PLEASE STOP teasing your brother! Give him the curling iron...he likes to play with it!" Sorry. OK. What can I do for you?

Well, let me start with congratulating you on the new position you have been chosen for. Not many women can fill the shoes of Sanity, Inc. but, you, YOU Ms. Way-too-Busy, you have beaten the odds.

Uh. Really? Thanks? "I SAID GIVE HIM THE CURLING... WHAT?! Sure, if it will keep him quiet while I am on the phone, then let him take a bath!"

So, your position with Sanity, Inc. is to...

"DO NOT LET HIM HAVE THE CURLING IRON WHEN HE IS IN THE TUB!"

Ma'am, your position with Sanity, Inc. is as our Chief Executive Officer. You will be responsible for coordinating the rides for 3 children who are in 5 activities...4 of which are on the same night.

(Chuckle) OK. "WHAT?! Well, if you MUST know, I am locked in the bathroom so I can actually HAVE an adult conversation! Please go start your homework and...WHAT?! He's WHAT?! BRING HIM HERE!" So, that's all I have to do? 3 kids, 5 activities? That's it?!

Well, Ms. Way-too-Busy....

Listen, enough with the Way-too-Busy-thing...I have a name.

I really don't care. I just need you to also volunteer for at least 3 parent/teacher responsibilities in 2 different school buildings each week. Do you think you are the right candidate for...

YES, sure, whatever you need. "WHY DOES HE HAVE GUM IN HIS HAIR?! Ummmm....HELLOOOO??! Where does everyone disappear to when the baby has foreign objects in/on or around his body? HELLOOOO???!"

Hi. I am still here.

NO, sorry, I wasn't talking to you, Mr. Sanity, I was trying to get gum out... "WHATTHEHECKISTHIS?!" Look, do you know how to get nail polish off of eyelids? Can you use nail polish remover? Won't that sting? Should I...

EXCUSE ME! I am having a hard time giving you your list of responsibilities. Is there any way I can have your full attention?

Sure, can you email me?

No.

Why?

Because I need to tell you all of this information RIGHT THIS MINUTE if you would like to take part in our fantastic opportunity!

(Sigh) OK. "Look, sweetie, Mommy bought you a new video. Here's your juice. Good boy. WHATTHEHECKISTHATNOISE?! WELL, STOP! Get the paperclips OUT OF THE MICROWAVE! GO. START. YOUR. HOMEWORK." OK. I'm ready. Go for it!

We will need you to take a small amount of cash that will be issued to you twice a month and use it to feed the 3 kids and a husband and various pets, pay for postage, gas and toiletries...

No sweat.

...and you will also need it to order school pictures, buy a cheer uniform and replace library books that were run over by the bus and lost lunch money. Oh, and you will need to set some aside for the kid with the fundraiser at the front door, craft supplies for your homeroom mom duties and ALL the mandatory football raffle tickets because you know you will never sell them.

Piece of cake, Mr. Sanity, I got it. "Cake? WHOSE TURN IS IT TO BRING THE SNACK FOR TOMORROW? REALLY? And you were going to tell me this WHEN?!" So, what's the big deal about this position, I'm really not impressed?

That's why we chose you, Ms. Way-too...

THAT'S NOT MY NAME!

Eh hem, well, Ma'am we chose you because you have proven yourself to be the ultimate multitask-er, you are quite crafty, an ace at scheduling and your husband says you are the QUEEN of SPENDING! The PTA also says you are a YESMOM, you will say "yes" to anything! But we have one last responsibility that will qualify you for this position with Sanity, Inc.

And...are you going to tell me what it is? Hold on. "WHY THE SNOT IS IT SO QUIET OUT THERE? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU MAKING HIM EAT FUZZ AGAIN? YOU BETTER NOT BE MAKING HIM EAT FUZZ!"

Ms. Way...eh hem, Ma'am, the only thing left to bring you on board is you must sign a waiver. It's a the most critical part of this position! This waiver states that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES will you attempt to complete your obligations to Sanity, Inc. without taking a day off each and EVERY week. A day in which you pamper yourself however you see fit. Your day off will start at 5am and continue through midnight...
BWAAAAAAHHHHAAAAAAAAAHAA!!!!!!!

Ma'am?

NOW you are just dreaming! HOWINTHEHECK do your expect me to have the time for THAT?!! Mr. Sanity, I have NO MORE time for you!

It's possible, Ma'am, there ARE 24 hours in a day. You should be able to fit in some ME-time somewhere in that schedule. If you just.....

(Silence)

Ma'am?

I'm sorry, you have the wrong number! This is Ms. Way-too-Busy. (Sigh) "You did WHAT in the dog's bowl? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WELL, I AM GOING TO......" (Click)

Ma'am? Hello? Dang, one more mom who is NOT fit for SANITY!

(Dialing)

Hello, is this Ms. Way-too-Perky?....

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Are ya feelin' me?
Peace.  

My "Why me?" Week with Ashton Kutcher!

Do you ever find yourself suffering through the "WHY ME?" attitude?

With two teens in the house, I am always dealing with their drama, maybe it is wearing off on me. But there have been many days in the last couple of weeks that I literally look for Ashton Kutcher and wonder WHO nominated ME to get PUNK'D!

Wednesday it was when was talking to my mom on the phone Izaiah decided to go to fill his snow boots with water in the tub and then pour that water all over the floor and rug I had just washed. Mind you, the snow boots were NOT in the upstairs bathroom. He went past me to the laundry room, ran up the stairs with them and proceeded to find a new use for snow boots.
"Mom, I gotta go, I think Ashton Kutcher is in my house."

Thursday it was when I finally sat down in the living room after all the kids came home. We were all in the same room at the same time - it was sweet. REAALLY SWEET...like covered in chocolate sprinkles sweet.....
Izaiah ran into the room with the jar of chocolate sprinkles I had left out. His body did a "come and get me" pose. He ripped the lid off and threw his head back for a mongo SHOT of jimmies! Of course, as if that wasn't bad enough, when Matthew hopped up to grab them from him, because I was too lazy to get off the couch further from him than Matthew was, he did it again, only THIS time 2400 of them went directly into his nasal cavity! In an effort to clear said nasal cavity he snorted....IN!
"Yes, Dr. Devaney, unless I am being PUNK'D I think Izaiah has 2400 chocolate sprinkles embedded in his frontal lobe."

This morning was the GRAND FINALE!
We are getting ready for the first teen boy-girl party the Brownlow's have EVER hosted. We have an unfinished basement and are getting new furniture for our upstairs living room. So, we are moving all furniture downstairs and my job was to make it so "TEEN" cool that no one would ever want to leave. Uh..did I just say that? Well, anyway, that is what my day is today - unfinished basement ----->iCarly-style set before 6pm. :) I am so excited to do this for her. She likes a boy and he is coming. She is such an appreciative kid, too. She is thrilled and humbled that we are doing all of this for her party. Her birthday is days before Christmas so this is a LATE-birthday party that she has waited patiently for us to get planned for her. She is such a sweet kid. I LOVE doing this for her. Did I say the boy she likes is coming? (giggle)

With this on my mind, I ask my husband to take Izaiah to preschool this morning so I could use every second of time to get organized for when the house is empty for the rest of the day. Well, while I was trying to be productive Izaiah decided to play Wii instead of eating his breakfast and my husband had to leave so I told him I would just take him.

We were running late and we dashed out the door, only to find my windshield covered in ice - not I had to scrape....time is TICKING ASHTON, this is NOT funny anymore!

I get him to school, leave the car running while I run in b/c I also need to run down the hall and get a quick squeeze from my niece before I go. Yay! All satisfied. Turned my frustrating morning around...

...until I climb back in my warm car and see it is on empty. I push the little button on the dash that tells me how many miles I have left before it it TRULY on empty.

0 miles

Well, Sheetz is 1/2 mile away and my house is 1 mile away. I look at my watch, my daughter's bus will be at the house in 3 minutes. She knows not to get on the bus if I don't make it back in time but then that adds a trip to school to add to my day if she misses the bus.

Gas = not running out of gas = missed bus = unplanned trip to school
No gas = running out of gas before I get home = cold walk home = missed bus = unplanned trip to school = call to husband to come bring a gas can ....

I head to Sheetz.

Now, I am home, she made it onto the bus, my coffee is strong and hot...

I just got a text from the mom of the boy she likes, he is home sick and won't be at her party tonight....

ASHTON KUTCHER YOU ARE NO LONGER HOT!

Peace out Mamas.
(I will post pics of the progress of the room in the basement)

A day in the Life...an Ode to Mommies

I was peeking through my photo files instead of writing or going to bed at a decent time and I compiled an "Ode to Mommies!" Can't you just hear your response to the following photos? Leave your OWN comments/responses and add to the fun!

"This is your NEW time out area - stay put in the positions I have assigned you- don't move! I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE SLIDING, CRAMPING OR YOUR BUTT HURTS!! I SAID DON'T MOVE!"

"Replace the roll? Oh no, don't bother...it's way easier to find the end from a mass of cavorting toilet paper rolls strewn on the floor!"

"You can't have the hairy lollipop until you finish your vegetables!"

"Non-toxic? Please be non-toxic! Please let green poop be the biggest side effect of this art project!"

"Where do you get this dramatic behavior? Knock it off!"

"Oh."

"Of course you can play with the phone, swim goggles, Daddy's favorite hat and a spoon ON the counter! Would you like to make a playdate of it? I bet little Johnny would like to swing from the ceiling fan!"

"Honey, can you bring all the RAW VEGGIES into the living room? I want to make a salad for dinner!"

"Non-toxic? Please be non-toxic! Please let purple poop be the biggest side effect of this art project!"

"And how is this cleaning up? And where are your pants? WHY IS THE BIKE IN THE HOUSE?!"

"You need to get out of your sister's clothing right now! NOW! NO MORE PINK FOR YOU!"

*sigh*

Have you ever had one of those days? Post some pics and let us see!

The more the merrier! Misery loves company!

Peace.

And this is why I don't clean...

So, those of you who have been reading me for a while know that every time I try to get a handle on the chaos that abound as dust bunnies the size of German Shepherds, something happens! Just take this story, for example. Still makes me shudder. So, today I took the big kids to camp at 9, ran to the store and home and then back out to camp as parents and younger siblings were invited to come see JUNGLE JOHN. We watched some snakes and turtles, alligators and frogs and then my little guy got bored. Luckily, the playground that borders camp was having maintenance done on it so it was an easy struggle into the car. I was worried about interrupting "John" as my toddler let out squeals that only a howler monkey mom could love as I wrestled him into his carseat (only after playing the "you can't catch me" game around the inside of my minivan). I walked into the house and was startled as a gentle breeze sent the dog hair across the kitchen floor like a "flock of bunnies." I got the baby set up to play and brought out the big guns, the vacuum and the electric scrubber mop. It was time to get the remnants of each meal of the last week off the floor. With each jaunt to her bowl, the dog was packing her black hair down into the sticky juice drips and gummy drool across my kitchen floor! Gross. It was time to clean. I vacuumed and scrubbed and withstood the pleading to "look" and "go outside" and I had time to spare before heading back to grab the kids from camp at 1. I looked around at my floor that could now pass the industrial food packaging sterilization test. I glanced up at the clock. Barring some major malfunction, I have plenty of time give the mudroom the same treatment. The dog's crate and her bowls are in the mudroom so it's where she runs, gulps down quarts of water and then drools small rivers to the next place she plans to wreak havoc. This floor was in even worse shape but given the baby's crazy rants and begging to go outside that I was trying to ignore contentment I decided I could whip this floor clean before having to go get the kids. In order to wash the floor completely, I need to take the baby gate down which usually can cause an aneurysm because my little one can reach and turn all the door knobs in the house. I pointed out how cool his cars and trucks were so I could get started, glanced back at the clock and even though it would be cutting it close, I was determined to get this floor clean! I threw rugs out into the driveway, galumphed large stacks of bedding waiting to be washed up onto the dryer, picked up the mat under the dogs bowl with tongs and threw it and her bowls out into the side yard. Of course, I gagged a little as all these things had been covering up the true putrid nature of my mudroom floor. I vacuumed. A little better. But it would shine once I could get up the kibble drool and mud and grass stains off the white tile. I started scrubbing and WOW, that floor really is white! I am imagining the clock, knowing I have about 5 minutes TOPS before I need to head to get the kids. With that thought, I yank the crate that could hold a small cow across the floor to get the drool-matted hair from underneath and that's when it happened... that major malfunction I was referring to a few minutes earlier. The gallon jug of Pine-Sol that had been teetering on the edge of the dog crate came crashing down, hit the floor and exploded into tiny shards of shatter-proof plastic and tidal waves of lemony yellow cleaner.

I literally looked down at my feet as a large wave lapped up over them and hit the bottom of my capris. The tsunami was headed right toward the floor I had just finished and the baby sitting on the floor whining about going outside. I literally stopped for a second to think where I put the camera so I could tell this story and have footage to back it up so people wouldn't think I was exaggerating! It was in the car. Not headed out there now. Thank the Lord, I had just folded the beach towels and put them on the washer so they would be a quick grab on our way out the door to the pool. Of course, I had to get there from where I was standing. I am assuming none of you ever have waded through Pine-Sol on a linoleum floor but it is similar to lubing your feet with Olive Oil and walking down an incline of Windexed mirrors. As I skated, and somewhat moonwalked, to the washer there was a giggle. The Pine-Sol storm had lapped underneath the babygate and onto the feet of my almost 3-year old. Of course, he was giggling at both ME trying to walk across the floor and HIM mimicking me like the little 3rd Stooge. It took 5 beach towels to get the mess cleaned up to the point that I could leave the house. But not before he found a pack of wipes and squeezed the bejeebies out of them leaving another sticky trail across the floor that was clean AND dry. As I grabbed him and thought, "Oh well, wipe juice will dry." I caught a whiff. I was down to 35 seconds before needing to leave for camp and HE WAS POOPY! How do you poop in that chaos?

I certainly can't - refer to this story for proof of that! We skated to the stairs, changed a diaper and ran to the car. As I drove, a funny feeling in my feet became apparent. I tend to have a bit of an anxiety issue so my mind raced, hadn't I just read somewhere about Pine-Sol poisoning? How long would it take for fatal amounts of the yellow slime to reach my blood stream? I got to camp, alive, peeled my STICKY hands from the steering wheel and gathered up the babes! Got home, finished mopping the mess and rallied up some chicken nuggets and salad for lunch. THIS IS WHY CLEANING IS BAD FOR YOU! I AM SOOOOOOO OVER THIS!