Hello, is this Ms. Way-too-Busy?

Um, why, yes, yes it is. But you can call me...

Ha! Yeah, never mind, I won't be in your life all that long, but you can call me Mr. Sanity.

Can you hold on one second? "PLEASE STOP teasing your brother! Give him the curling iron...he likes to play with it!" Sorry. OK. What can I do for you?

Well, let me start with congratulating you on the new position you have been chosen for. Not many women can fill the shoes of Sanity, Inc. but, you, YOU Ms. Way-too-Busy, you have beaten the odds.

Uh. Really? Thanks? "I SAID GIVE HIM THE CURLING... WHAT?! Sure, if it will keep him quiet while I am on the phone, then let him take a bath!"

So, your position with Sanity, Inc. is to...

"DO NOT LET HIM HAVE THE CURLING IRON WHEN HE IS IN THE TUB!"

Ma'am, your position with Sanity, Inc. is as our Chief Executive Officer. You will be responsible for coordinating the rides for 3 children who are in 5 activities...4 of which are on the same night.

(Chuckle) OK. "WHAT?! Well, if you MUST know, I am locked in the bathroom so I can actually HAVE an adult conversation! Please go start your homework and...WHAT?! He's WHAT?! BRING HIM HERE!" So, that's all I have to do? 3 kids, 5 activities? That's it?!

Well, Ms. Way-too-Busy....

Listen, enough with the Way-too-Busy-thing...I have a name.

I really don't care. I just need you to also volunteer for at least 3 parent/teacher responsibilities in 2 different school buildings each week. Do you think you are the right candidate for...

YES, sure, whatever you need. "WHY DOES HE HAVE GUM IN HIS HAIR?! Ummmm....HELLOOOO??! Where does everyone disappear to when the baby has foreign objects in/on or around his body? HELLOOOO???!"

Hi. I am still here.

NO, sorry, I wasn't talking to you, Mr. Sanity, I was trying to get gum out... "WHATTHEHECKISTHIS?!" Look, do you know how to get nail polish off of eyelids? Can you use nail polish remover? Won't that sting? Should I...

EXCUSE ME! I am having a hard time giving you your list of responsibilities. Is there any way I can have your full attention?

Sure, can you email me?

No.

Why?

Because I need to tell you all of this information RIGHT THIS MINUTE if you would like to take part in our fantastic opportunity!

(Sigh) OK. "Look, sweetie, Mommy bought you a new video. Here's your juice. Good boy. WHATTHEHECKISTHATNOISE?! WELL, STOP! Get the paperclips OUT OF THE MICROWAVE! GO. START. YOUR. HOMEWORK." OK. I'm ready. Go for it!

We will need you to take a small amount of cash that will be issued to you twice a month and use it to feed the 3 kids and a husband and various pets, pay for postage, gas and toiletries...

No sweat.

...and you will also need it to order school pictures, buy a cheer uniform and replace library books that were run over by the bus and lost lunch money. Oh, and you will need to set some aside for the kid with the fundraiser at the front door, craft supplies for your homeroom mom duties and ALL the mandatory football raffle tickets because you know you will never sell them.

Piece of cake, Mr. Sanity, I got it. "Cake? WHOSE TURN IS IT TO BRING THE SNACK FOR TOMORROW? REALLY? And you were going to tell me this WHEN?!" So, what's the big deal about this position, I'm really not impressed?

That's why we chose you, Ms. Way-too...

THAT'S NOT MY NAME!

Eh hem, well, Ma'am we chose you because you have proven yourself to be the ultimate multitask-er, you are quite crafty, an ace at scheduling and your husband says you are the QUEEN of SPENDING! The PTA also says you are a YESMOM, you will say "yes" to anything! But we have one last responsibility that will qualify you for this position with Sanity, Inc.

And...are you going to tell me what it is? Hold on. "WHY THE SNOT IS IT SO QUIET OUT THERE? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU MAKING HIM EAT FUZZ AGAIN? YOU BETTER NOT BE MAKING HIM EAT FUZZ!"

Ms. Way...eh hem, Ma'am, the only thing left to bring you on board is you must sign a waiver. It's a the most critical part of this position! This waiver states that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES will you attempt to complete your obligations to Sanity, Inc. without taking a day off each and EVERY week. A day in which you pamper yourself however you see fit. Your day off will start at 5am and continue through midnight...
BWAAAAAAHHHHAAAAAAAAAHAA!!!!!!!

Ma'am?

NOW you are just dreaming! HOWINTHEHECK do your expect me to have the time for THAT?!! Mr. Sanity, I have NO MORE time for you!

It's possible, Ma'am, there ARE 24 hours in a day. You should be able to fit in some ME-time somewhere in that schedule. If you just.....

(Silence)

Ma'am?

I'm sorry, you have the wrong number! This is Ms. Way-too-Busy. (Sigh) "You did WHAT in the dog's bowl? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WELL, I AM GOING TO......" (Click)

Ma'am? Hello? Dang, one more mom who is NOT fit for SANITY!

(Dialing)

Hello, is this Ms. Way-too-Perky?....

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Are ya feelin' me?
Peace.  

Sanity's Blogtober TIP Parade: 10/02 The Curse of the Calendar!

This is my calendar! One one hand, this magnetized, dry-erase calendar is a dream for scheduling... on the other hand, it actually shoves how stinkin' busy we are in my face every morning. Today, I was curious so I counted... There are 63...yes, SIXTY THREE, things that I am responsible for or places I need to have myself or my kids on any given date. (insert Twighlight Zone music here) This....is....THE CURSE OF THE CALENDAR! MWaaaaaahhh AHhhhhhh AHhhhhhhh! I know I am not alone. And I am SURE there are many of you who have me beat by a mile! I only have three kids. Some of you scribble 4 or more kids games, lessons, projects, events on your calendar each and every month. If that were the case for me, I'd toss the magnetic calendar and just write it directly ON my fridge in dry erase! That's about the SIZE it would need to be to fit it all on! Some of you keep a crazy busy schedule AND WORK outside the home. If that was the case for me, I would need WAY MORE medication than I am already prescribed! I bow down to those women! Truly! I don't know how you do it! So, tips on keeping your head on straight... It's called a DEAR LIFE LETTER... Dear Life, I don't know how we got here. I'm certain this is not where we saw ourselves 10 years ago. What happened to all the walks in the park, the lemonade on the porch of our beach house, the hours we would spend just reading or chatting with a loved one? Why haven't I sat down yet today? What do you expect from me? I would love to tell you that I quit, but, quitting LIFE is never a good idea! So, all I am asking is that you just take it easy on me and remind me when I need to slow down. Thanks! Me Seriously though, we all preach to our kids about time management! We give them the necessary tools to "just say no"! We teach them how to prioritize! We need to slow down long enough to take my our own advice! Could it be that simple? Manage time + just say no + priorities= Complete and utter Bliss? Well, it may not be THAT SUNSHINY...but we can dream, right? What are YOUR TIPS for holding it together while succumbing to The Curse of the Calendar? Remember the rules: Leave your comment and tip below. Then post a similar story and tip on your blog. Twitter, Facebook it! Leave a link to me. Invite your readers to join the BLOGTOBER TIP PARADE! 30 days of tips from moms just like you! **If you are having trouble SEEING your calendar...CHECK THIS OUT...Hot Mama Glasses!** Peace.

What's a girl to do...

"Not enough time in the day." I think I have muttered this phrase three hundred and thirty times in the last three months! Whew! I honestly remember the moment I said I didn't fully grasp that concept. It was a sunny day in State College, Pennsylvania - HAPPY VALLEY as we Penn Staters call it! I sat alone on my rumpled, unmade twin bed with my legs crossed as I stared out the window at the poor unfortunate souls who had class right before dinner. I sat there waiting...for what? I am not sure. It was almost as if I expected the directions for my next course of action to fall through the dusty air duct above my head. I literally had NOTHING to do. No projects or tests to study for, no phone calls to return, no letters to write, nothing. I rolled my eyes as I threw myself backwards onto my pillows and thought, "Why do people even say that? That there is not enough time in the day?" I laid there and wondered how that could be. What in the world would be on your schedule that would literally fill up your entire day? Ridiculous. Fast forward 19 years (ugh! I hated doing that math for that one!) and three children later and I sometimes long for even a mere second that I felt was not held in the hands of someone waiting for something from me. It's quite alright, this life I lead - I chose this road and I am very happy to walk it but there are certainly days when I wish I could get lost...take the other path...the one where no one will find me, or at least it would just take them a little longer than 3.5 minutes to hunt me down. I had to laugh when I read the listing of the now infamous "ebay auction lady" also a fellow Blogspot-er... mom2my6pack.blogspot.com. When she was interviewed on a Tampa radio station about her humorous writings the interviewer asked how her house was so quiet with six children she replied, "I locked myself in the bathroom!" She found the path less traveled that day for her moment of peace. Good for her!! I hope we all have some peace today! If you haven't been blessed by the ebay auction email click here (go to the bathroom first or you may pee a little!) http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=130144061675&ru=http://search.ebay.com:80/search/search.dll?from=R40&_trksid=m37&satitle=130144061675&category0=&fvi=1