What are you wearing?...

So, it's time to get personal. Those of you who actually get a shower everyday and dress in a career-like fashion, I guess this post won't apply to you. It's not that I am trying to segregate my readers...I would NEVER do that. I like all the different "hats" that share on my site, this is just something I go back and forth about once or twice a week. That's why I ask...What time is it and what are you wearing? I will go first... It is 3:19 in the afternoon and I am wearing the same cut-off sweats and T-shirt I wore to bed last night with an stretched-out, inside out sweatshirt thrown over. No socks or shoes. I do have my make-up and my trendy glasses on but that is simply because I need my glasses to post and if I have my glasses on I MAY catch a glimpse of myself in the monitor - so, I would like to think I look hot from the neck up... Now, I guess I have been brain-washed by my mom who will not walk out to get the mail without spending an hour and a half primping. But, if I thought my husband was coming home for lunch today, I would have probably at least gotten dressed in real clothes - jeans and a sweater. I may have even showered. Is that wrong? I ask you, where does this come from? My sweet hubby has ALWAYS told me that I am beautiful without makeup - he is of 'the lower maintenance, the better' - he loves the unmade beauty, like Halle Berry, Faith Hill, Sandra Bullock. The ones who aren't afraid to be in front of the camera in jeans and a baseball cap. So, what in my brain makes me think I need to get "all gussied up" to be "acceptable" for anyone? "Gussied"? That is a word, right? Anyway, have you ever run into someone at the store who is in baggy sweats, a baseball cap and no make up and they look adorable? Have you ever waited at their car to beat them up later? I have. (j/k) When I go out looking like that someone inevitably asks me, "Are you sick?" or they lovingly comment, "You look tired." I smile and nod and then excuse myself to the parking lot hoping they are parked next to my friend in the baseball cap. Where are my brass knuckles? I have a meeting to go to tonight in which I know should put a bra on for - because that's the grown-up thing to do but I really feel like just throwing on a pair of jeans with my 18 hour t-shirt and calling it an outfit. Who knows what I will wear...we'll see. Guess I will see what my ego feels like around 5:30 - will I feel beautiful or frumpy? How do you feel today? Of course, then I have those days...like last week when I had a babysitter for 5 hours while I ran errands. I was dressed to fit my personality - little bit funky but all put together. Hair, make-up, mani/pedi, cute outfit, perfume and lip gloss. I felt so good! My extra 15 pounds didn't even bother me, I felt good! Until I treated myself to a WHOMPIN' bowl of Germanchocolatecake ice cream at Cold Stone Creamery. Then, I didn't feel so purty. But, here's my thing... When I see a woman all put together, I assume she looks like that ALL day, EVERY day. Do you think she could possibly be bra-less in her 18 hour t-shirt right now? Do you?

Thankful the gorging is over...

What is it about holidays that makes us think we have been given a "License to Eat...EVERY*frippin*THING"? This weekend I ate mashed potatoes, fried onions and green beans, a couple bowls of squash-apple soup, stuffing, a couple helpings of toast with cherry jelly, spiral cut ham and cheese on fresh bread, fresh guacamole with lots of chips, more ham, more cheese, a big ole bacon cheeseburger and giant fries, 4 or 5 chocolate/peanut butter buckeyes, 2 carmel macchiatos, pumpkin pie cake, pumpkin cheesecake and...I think that's it...for Wed - Sat at my in-laws. Today, we had a wonderful 2nd Thanksgiving at home with my parents and I think I thought I was supposed to out-do myself in one meal...HOLY COW, can you say glutton? Every holiday season I usually decide to do something healthy for myself. My way of giving something back to God for all the blessings I have been given. Two years ago, I gave up soda...and haven't touched it since...except once I mistakenly drank out of a stranger's WENDY'S cup at a huge event. I sat mine down and picked hers up...eeewwww. So, that sip doesn't count! Yuk! This year, I think, I am just going to make a big change in habits. Instead of nachos and beer while I veg on the couch with you all via my blog, I will opt for a bottle of water. Instead of seeing how many chocolate chip cookies I can shove in my mouth before my kids see me I will have a half of one and sip on a bottle of water. Instead of ordering a giant, juicy cheeseburger, I will order a big salad and a bottle of water. Instead of eating the country's quota of chocolate in one day, I will choose to take a walk (water bottle in hand- gurgle, gurgle). Instead of going back for seconds of pizza, I will (gripe and) have a (FRIPPIN') bottle of water! Instead of licking the cheese off my nachos so I can fit more sour cream on them, I will reach for the (stupid-freakin'!) carrots and (resentfully) sip on my (glug, glug) bottled water! NEWSFLASH...if I drank this much water, I would be quite cranky because we all know it is very difficult to parent three children (one being two years old) from the TOILET! Anyway...I just needed to put this out there so you all would have evidence of my plans and it would hold me accountable. I really do love being healthy and feel great (like a diff person) when I am paying attention to eating right and drinking more water but it is just SOOO hard when someone causes your DVD player to puke, two kids forget to do their homework until they are headed for the bus, the phone rings off the hook, you deal with 135 temper tantrums and the dog begs to go out ALL day and you can't find her electric fence collar. A box of bon bons and Oprah (or Ross's Talky Blog) looks PURTY good right about then!

Tag me, baby! One more time...

OK...I am starting to feel like a whole group of you all are in a huddle taking turns tagging me and laughing at me each time I sit and rack my brain for these totally RANDOM things... I like to think you are laughing WITH me and not AT me! Cyn and Lizzy BOTH tagged me in the same day for 7 RANDOM THINGS... Alrighty, here goes...please keep in mind, I have done 4 MEMEs in the last two weeks, so I am grasping, I tell you....grasping.... 1. My two oldest children are EXACTLY 15 mos and 1 week apart...to the day. My third came along 7 YEARS later! 2. I LOVE ROSS THE INTERN!!!! He and I will someday co-host SOMETHING because he will find my ridiculously hysterical! Together we will go, hand-in-hand, giggling into the sunset! 3. I am, right now, eating a HUGE plate of cheesy-sour-creamy nachos and drinking a big, cold Yuengling Lager while watching The Hills repeats. Yummsy! Everyone else in my house is sleeeeeeeping - even the doggy! Can you say, "ME TIME"? 4. My favorite indulgence of late is a Starbuck's Venti, Non-Fat, Iced, Carmel Macchiato. Soon, their MAPLE Macchiato will be out for the holidays and I am waiting with baited breath...literally! 5. My iPod only has 70-some songs on it...I am REALLY picky about music. I bought myself the "shuffle" specifically b/c I KNEW I would never fill the Nano. To make it to my iPod, it has to either remind me of something specific (The Cure reminds me of college, No Doubt reminds me of my pre-children, married life, etc.) or make me feel sexy...see #6. 6. J.T.'s "Bringin' Sexy Back" is all I have to say. Mmmm Mmmm. 7. I live in the middle of Pennsylvania Amish Country. It is not out of the ordinary for me to be driving behind a horse & buggy waving to wee Amish ones in the back. Too sweet! An amazing reminder of how sweet simplicity is. Woah, I am done...that just whipped by! You know the drill, I have done this enough...tag yourself and have a blast - but link back to me, please! :)

It's a Tag-O-Rama...

Alrighty, either I am just a big DORK and everyone wants to see how many of these I will do and how long I will ramble or you all reeeeeaaaallly like me - I prefer to believe the latter. Regardless, Kimberly has tagged me with 5 Random Things...as though you all do not know enough random things about me already! ((tee hee)) Actually, I am thrilled because I love love love doing these!! HAHA! Princess Dork, at your service! So, let's ramble, shall we? 1. In 9th grade I almost got caught by my mom kissing a boy after school. She pulled up in her car and XXX and I were behind a utility shed smooching away. We walked out from behind the shed and into the bright spotlight of her headlights like we were going to be interrogated. She asked what we were doing and without a stammer I explained, "Oh, mom. It's not what it looked like. We were counting cigarette butts. We had a bet on how many were back there." SHE BELIEVED ME! (sorry, Ma!) 2. I was a charter member of Sigma Kappa Sorority at Penn State. 'Charter Member' means the VERY first SigKay pledge class on campus! There were 140-some of us! VERY COOL! 3. I married my college boyfriend's roommate!!!! The best decision of my life! And I say that almost FIFTEEN years later!! That ex-bf story is a WHOLE post in itself - a CRAZY story! I won't divulge here...need to get to #4! 4. I got, probably, the lowest SAT scores of anyone you will ever meet although I have a genius IQ. OK, the more I think about it, I could be Albert-Frippin-Einstein and I am still too embarrassed to tell you those scores!! Thought I could do it - CAN'T!!! Sorry for the let down, you will just have to trust me! 5. My daughter - my 2nd child - weighed....OK ladies, cross your legs and take a deep breath... ELEVEN POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, honestly, she was 10 lbs. 15 ozs. but I give myself the extra ounce for bragging rights since the sadistic nurse I had refused me my epidural....yep, flat out refused!! She is lucky I was in too much pain to jot down her name. Well, there you have it!! 5 MORE random facts about MKB! And as always, if you are reading this, consider yourself tagged but don't forget to give me my shameless plug (link, too, please)! Hope ya liked them!

Confessions of a Sleepy Mama...

...ROSS THE INTERN AND JESSE JAMES...

...my perfect package!

OK...major confession...I have stayed up too late and am feeling a little sleepy and a lot giddy! Therefore, I feel I need to tell you, I have a "thing" for BAD Boys!!

C'mon Manic, ya with me sista? Jesse James. Really.

And Ross the Intern just makes me giggle incessantly; he FRIPPIN' cracks me up!

Well, tonight on Jay Leno Ross took Jesse James from WEST COAST CHOPPERS to an LA Fashion Show. I think I peed a little! Watch the video. Ross and Jesse have done these Leno gigs before and they are always hysterical. There is nothing funnier than putting two polar opposites who are COMPLETELY comfortable in their own skin in the same venue and let them have at it!

OK...so I sent Ross an email! And, NO! I am NOT stalking him! (If you haven't seen Ross's blog, you have to go there right NOW!) I just think he and I would have a blast together. I am not sure I have EVER actually asked someone to be my friend before but I am hoping he will circle "yes" in his reply. He has my humor - do you agree?

I think Dawn from Because I Said So is hysterical and I have watched her WORLD NEWS TONIGHT interview a dozen times. How many of you would watch the Leno episode where Ross comes to my house to play "SAHMmy" for a day?

I sent Ross this way, so hopefully after reading all your comments he will call me and set up a time to come "play house" with this FUN MOM!

(OK, so I started by confessing that I love bad boys and I end with a rant on how much I love Ross Mathews, maybe I have to re-think that confession!)

More about me...like you asked...

10 things I did this week: 1. Bought 80 Dr. Seuss books at Barnes & Noble 2. Shopped at Target 3. Built a snowman 4. Went sledding 5. Ate Cold Stone Creamery ice cream 6. Went to my kids' school 7. Gave a baby gift 8. Went to the doctors 9. Deposited $$ ito my savings 10. Had a Grande Skinny Carmel Macchiato - YUM! 9 things STILL on my agenda this week: 1. Pack for holiday travel 2. Buy stamps 3. Laundry 4. Vacuum 5. Line up babysitters for 11/28 and 12/8 6. Get a sub for Children's Church 7. Write column 8. Finish writing assignment 9. Eat A LOT of Sweet potatoes!!!! 8 shows I watched this week: 1. Charlie Borwn's Thanksgiving 2. The Hills 3. House 4. Dr. Phil 5. Stewart Little 2 6. High 5 7. Blue's Clue 8. Jay Leno 7 things I cooked this week: 1. Oatmeal 2. Eggs 3. Tacos 4. Veggie Lasagna 5. Chicken/Pasta/Veggie Bake 6. Minestrone 7. Quesadillas 6 things I read this week: 1. My article in INSIGHT magazine 2. Hallmark Magazine 3. Manic Mommy's Blog 4. Because I Said So Blog 5. Fully Alive...Ready to Smile Blog 6. Rambling Thoughts of the Neverending Mind Blog 5 Reasons to be happy today: 1. I got a babysitter so I could run errands alone 2. I had ice cream! Very yummy ice cream! 3. I got more done today than all of last week 4. My formerly non-verbal baby said his 40th word today! 5. My kids are precious! 4 things I need to buy: 1. Diapers 2. Wipes 3. Milk 4. Snacks 3 people I saw this weekend: 1. Michele 2. Anne-Marie 3. Goose 2 things I am thankful for right now: 1. My family 2. My friends 1 Final Thought: This Thanksgiving - adopt a turkey instead of eating one! Go to Farm Sanctuary and check it out! TAG - you're it! Gimme a plug in return! :)

Tagged again...WOW! I feel so loved...

Alrighty, you people know me so well. Tracy at Rambling Thoughts...tagged me! Check out her blog! She is hysterical!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE doing these MEME thingies...except I don't get the word. MEME. What's that all about? Anyone know? 8 Embarrassing Things About ME: 1. 6th grade gym class. High Jump. Tight jeans. RRrrrrip!!!! Need I say more? 2. At the movies with the boy I wanted to be more-than-just-a-friend, he slid his hand onto my knee. I never wanted that hand to leave as this was the first (and only) act that was more-than-just-friends. I kept my knees bent and resting on the back of the seat in front of us for the WHOLE movie. When the movie was over, his hand moved and I stood up...AND WENT STRAIGHT DOWN AGAIN! I was completely numb from the knees down and now had my arm caught in the folding chair I tried to use to stop my fall. I wanted to DIE! 3. While taking the SATs I was nervously flinging my #2 pencil between my thumb and forefinger when the rhythm got away from me and (insert the BIONIC WOMAN jumping sound here) it FLUNG all the way across the room and hit the girl in the corner, right in the chest. 4. My long-time college boyfriend always took me to Philadelphia to see The Nutcracker Ballet. We would get all dressed up, go out for a fancy dinner and then out to the show. We felt so grown up. The last time we went it was horrible weather. Icy rain and very cold. We were running late, got turned around coming out of the parking garage so we were doing more than a brisk walk down a very slippery sidewalk. My feet were freezing and cramped into my way-too-tight shoes when we hit the apron of the sidewalk that gently declines to the street. Well, there was nothing gentle about my decline when I hit that apron. I don't know what was louder, the squeal I let out when I felt myself going down, the screech of my heels on the icy pavement or the beet-red face of my boyfriend who clenched his teeth, yanked my arm and growled, "GET UP!" 5. While waiting to have my seat assigned to take the GREs I sat in a desk along the front of the gymnasium, facing those who had been seated already. There were hundreds of test-takers but it was completely silent...until someone coughed and the the hollow echo would last forever. It was freezing and my hands were raw so I grabbed my purse to find my lotion. CRAP! It was frozen from being in my car all night. I popped the lid and gave it a shot...squeeeeeze. Nothin'. Well, I had time, I would just massage the tube to soften the lotion. I kneaded and squeezed, kneaded and squeezed but after a few minutes I was on auto pilot and evidently applied a little too much pressure to the now-thawed lotion. With the loudest PHHLPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLHHHHHPLLLLHHHPPPPPPPPHH (fake flatulence sound) you have ever heard and hundreds of faces staring at me I now had lotion covering my face and dripping into my lap from my hair. What is it about standardized tests that make me freak out? 6. Stepping into the baby pool with my kids in hand, I hit a very slippery spot on the painted cement bottom and went DOWN like a cinder block onto my back, pulling my children down with me. I could have brushed it off and pretended it didn't happen except the 8" oval brush burn/bruise on the back of my right thigh was a dead give-a-way! 7. Walking through a local mom-and-pop grocery store in my Amish Country hometown, we passed a traditional Amish woman in all black; bonnet, fringed shawl, dress, apron, stockings and shoes. She was an older lady whose posture had seen better days. Almost as if in slow motion, I saw my daughter's eyes lock on the woman. Her eyes took on a frenzied look and her mouth flew open. As all this was happening, I was scurrying to get past the woman before whatever Emily was going to say would make it out of her lips! But, much to my chagrin she squealed, "Look, Mama! It's the wicked witch of the West!" 8. And lastly, my favorite funny from my mom! It didn't embarrass ME, but she will be embarrassed for the rest of her life! My mom is a saint. Think Mother Theresa. Princess Di. A gentle, quiet soul who has nothing bad (or foul) to say...EVER! BUT...the very first time she met my in-laws (who weren't my in-laws, yet) they were talking about restaurants in a casual conversation. My in-laws asked if they had ever been to FUDRUCKERS. My mom said "No." but remembered seeing one in passing and said to my dad, "Hey, honey, where were we when we saw that RUDF*CKERS?" She slapped her hands across her mouth so hard I think she saw stars. I don't think she breathed for 5 whole minutes. The rest of us howled with laughter!! OK....whew! That took awhile. But I am not good with "keeping it simple." I am going to tag ANYONE who wants to do this - consider yourself tagged...just give me a shameless plug when you do it...puh-lease??!

Who needs 'em...

Saturday morning cartoons? Not at "Chez Brownlow"...We decorate fruit in the early morning light!

Meet Bob Banana and the Clementines!

(notice Bart Banana (far left) got kicked out of the band after a braul during last night's gig)

I think I have COMPLETELY lost it people!

Mama Drama...

Magnum of NyQuil for Mommy- $13.49 Box of travel tissues - $1.79 Bag of "bribe" sweets for toddler- $1.99 Taking a 2-yr old to the Walk-In clinic when Mommy is sick - INSANITY! (This is going to be a long post - so grab your favorite libation and a cushion for your bum and Depends if you pee when you laugh, because you WILL laugh!) It all started Friday night when the mini-cold I had turned into a horrible sore throat. You know that kind that you want to take something for it but you can't even swallow your own spit, let alone a couple of Advil. That retching pain that makes you actually consider putting a spittoon next to your bed so you don't HAVE to swallow. That off-the-charts pain that would cause you to say "yes" to anything your children asked for because a nod would be easier than the ensuing amount of begging you would have to endure if you said "no." Quite honestly, I barely remember the weekend. My husband took over and I merely existed. I am not the lay in bed kind of patient. I would rather be in the mix than off in a room away from the family. And, I rarely go to the doctors. I think I had tonsillitis about 4 or 5 years ago and that got me in pronto, but other than throwing my back out, I haven't been back. Until yesterday. I stuck it out as long as I could. But my mom once told me of an untreated strep-throat case gone bad...she's a hairdresser so she gets all the gory details of things like this...so I decided to go...but NOT alone, unfortunately. I had to have my older two children at school an hour early for a field trip so, I literally rolled out of bed, fed everyone and jumped in the car to drop off my field-trippers and head to the walk-in clinic. I hadn't changed my sweats, washed my face, brushed my teeth or even looked in a mirror for that matter. I was promptly greeted by a career-dressed, obviously-showered and very-well-put-together former high school acquaintance who apparently did not recognize me behind my mascara-raccoon eyes, stained sweat shirt and wiggling toddler. So, what do I do? I say, "Deb? Right? Michelle. How are you?" I couldn't leave there having her think that I not only had lost my cheerleader looks but my memory, too. She was sweet and handed the baby a ball to keep him occupied until I got called in. Well, that ball touched every human in the waiting room. Mostly their feet, thank goodness! I chased him from the handy push-button water fountain to the exit door about a thousand times. Apparently, when travelling at the height of toddler speed a wee one can throw his whole 27 lbs hard enough to open the exit door. Each time this happened, the door would make the annoying "ding-dong" sound. The desk receptionist would come with her "how are you?" smile posed and ready. I smile back with my "Oh gosh, I am so sorry, again!" half-smile, half-grimace. She would return a "read that baby a book" grin and I was off toward the water fountain. "MICHELLE BROWNLOW?" I scooped up the baby and walked toward the woman who had just called my name. I think my lips were actually puckering because I was so excited to not have to run, chase, scold and whimper in public. Send me to a little room where I can control my child a little easier. Close the door behind you and I will be just fine. Who the heck was I kidding?! The next 45 minutes consisted of hands in the trashcan, back in the mouth, playing the chase game while I frantically tried to get hand-sanitizer on his clenched little fists. There was screaming and whining as I tried to convince him we should read (he cried a little, too). A child who spent 13 months trying to walk now decides he MUST crawl ALL THE HECK over the floors that have probably been peed and pooped on...oh gosh, I gag at the thought. As soon as I pick him up to wash his hands....they go IN HIS MOUTH! Why is this? OK, so about 20 minutes into this chaos ensuing behind Door#3, I decide to use one of his fears against him. I know, mean, but I was desperate, people! He is fearful of heights. So, I grab a book and plop him on the L-shaped exam table so my aching body could stand still for more than 2.5 seconds. Because the L-shape was a little reclined, the fear fled and his voice jumped 3 octaves into a squealing "Wwwhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" He thinks it is a SLIDE. God help me! He turns toward the reclining back, throws his hands to the top and starts to run, trying to get to the top. You know that white roll of paper that covers the table? The actual roll is hung from the back of the table, his hands are on either side of the top of the strip running to the end of the table and his little sneakers are going WARP SPEED flinging the white strip behind him as though it is the smoke from his super shoes. I think we killed a full acre of rain forest in 6 seconds. But I got to stand still. The other 25 minutes were less than enjoyable so I put on our coats and left the building. "But, ma'am, the doctor will see you in two minutes." "Suuuuuuure, he will! Not falling for it nurse-lady!" I have a babysitter and an appointment for tomorrow. Which is a good thing considering I now have red blistery patches along my back that I think are SHINGLES! Lord, help me!

A day in the life...

"Please don't pour your orange juice in your....(sigh) cereal." "No. No. No. Grapes are not good for dogs!" "Let Mommy wipe your nose...aaaaahhhhh NOT ON YOUR SLEEVE!" "Toys need to stay out of the toilet!" "Mommy really doesn't like it when you fill the VCR with DVDs!" "Let's go get the mail." "DO NOT eat the...(sigh) bird poop!" "Let's go back inside." "Do NOT touch that plug again!" "I said, NO more touching the buttons on the TV." "Noooooooo! Do NOT stick your finger in...(sigh) the dog's butt!" "Honey, we can't go outside again, now it's raining." "How about a lollipop...will that help?" "What's that sme....oh, come here. We need to change your diaper." "Come here." "Don't run from me." "OK..nevermind, I don't want to change your diaper anyway." "Please, come here." "Don't make me chase you. DON'T RUN WITH A LOLLIPOP IN YOUR MOUTH!" "Keep your hands up! Don't reach inside the...(sigh) poopy diaper!!!!" "No, you can't have THAT lollipop back (gag)!" "Want to make bubbles in the sink?" "Oh dear, that's glass. Here, play with these cups." ((ring, ring)) "Hello? Hi. Nothing. Sure, I have a sec. Wait, hold on." "Not in your mouth. Do not drink the soapy water." "O.K. I'm back. What were you saying? Oh, geez, hang on!" "Not the dirty dishes. Just play with the cups." "K. So, how did your thing go? Really? Wow. Crap, hang on!" "The muffins do NOT need to be washed, honey. Please!" "Sure, I can hold on." "Let's be done with bubbles. Can you hold the phone for mommy while I dry you off?" "NOOOOOOOOOO! Not in the...(sigh) ((gurgle, gurgle)) sink!" "Look, let's be done playing in the sink and tell blankie how much fun you had on our way up to bed." "Please don't headbutt Mommy. That hurts. Ow. Stop!" (mumbled) "What is on my sock? ARGH! Lollipop stick." ((in the background from under the water in the sink)) "Hellooooo? Shel??? You there????"

You asked for it...

Alrighty....by popular request (in comments and personal emails after my 8 RANDOM THING post) here is what you asked for... **YES...my toes are ALWAYS numb, not just when I was responding to the meme...ALWAYS! Don't have a clue why (neither does my Dr.) but unless I plan to start twirling a baton with my toes - it shouldn't be a problem! **here is my 'so far' sketch of my Pop-Pop for my mom's Christmas present...can you tell which part I was nervous to do?

**and MANY of you wanted the rest of the children's stories from my "A little snippet here..." post, I will post the story that gets the most votes...so go back to that post and re-read the excerpts and then leave your "swell my head with compliments" comments and I will give you the WHOLE SHEBANG!

TAG! I'm "it"...

WOW! My first tag, I am so excited! . Baseball Mom got me for 8 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME! . So, are ya ready? Here goes! . 1. Four of my toes are completely numb. Two on each foot! . 2. I can make my tongue into a three-leaf clover shape. . 3. I can tie a knot in a cherry stem INSIDE my mouth. This was a party favorite while I was at Penn State! . 4. I pierced my own belly button in 1991. But it got reeeeeaaaally sore after about a week so I had to let it grow closed. . 5. I have seen FOOTLOOSE over 30x. . 6. I learned how to do photorealistic portraits this summer. I am 3/4 of the way done a portrait of my 'PopPop' for my mom for Christmas. (maybe I will post it when I am done!) . 7. I just quit my Hip Hop dance class. . 8. I was a teen model. OK...I am tagging the following bloggers....Manic Mommy, Fried Okra, Fully Alive, Purple Valley, Because I Said So and Rice-A-Roni-ville!!

It's been a creative day...

I spent my morning laughing, eating, connecting, relaxing...oh, yeah...and I made these cards! I am one of those moms who never gets a babysitter unless I have an appointment, have to help out at the "big kids'"school or have something scheduled that will not accommodate a cranky two-year old.

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Today, I had a babysitter from 10am-3pm so I could go to an all day STAMPIN' UP party! Just me and the girls! Patsy, Janet, Linda and Mary MADE MY DAY TODAY! Thanks gals!!

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It is such a beautiful thing to complete a sentence without having to clean up a spilled snack, have enough minutes (in a row) to page through a crafty catalog from beginning to end...slowly, TWO TIMES without changing a diaper, to leisurely eat food prepared by someone else that will also be cleaned up by someone else without sharing my lunch, my seat or my mind. .

I was in HEAVEN.

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I then returned home rejuvenated and refreshed.

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The bus came, my two older children bounded in the house, hugged the baby and reminded me that their "Bio Bottles" were due tomorrow.

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We are studying Famous Pennsylvanians this month so their assignment was to turn a 2 liter bottle into a statue of the person they chose to research.

After 3 1/2 hours of hard work, a screaming two-year old, a sad excuse for dinner, three hot-glue burnt fingers and a few do-overs, we welcomed Mary Cassatt (artist) and Ken Griffey, Jr. into our home... .

A little (whole freakin' LOT) more stressful than my morning but well worth it!

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(yes, I was an art teacher...NO, I DIDN'T DO THESE FOR THEM...they are just amazingly talented!!!)

Take a deep breath and count to...

Ten? Isn't that what you are supposed to count to when you are frustrated? . Well, what about when you have reached new heights of frustration? The heights that make you want to pull your eyelids off just to make a statement? Then what do you count to? Or do you not count at all? Maybe there is a new level of frustration elimination for those of us with no eyelids. . I think my 2-year old is trying to break me. He is either a shape-shifter and is actually a 45-year old man hired by the CIA to do torture testing on middle American moms or I have simply hit my limit with #3. . This little dude stretches me like no other child has. I have taught all ages of children - I was a HS art teacher for goodness sake! I have two older children who are only 15 months apart - I thought that was stretching it...nope...not even close. . My precious little blond-haired, blue-eyed cupid can now unlock locked doors. While I am trying to relieve myself in peace (see previous post about being constipated) and my older ones have friends over so there is a need to have the door closed AND LOCKED. He now, uses his little tiny fingers and gently turns the lock and out he goes leaving me quite vulnerable on my Throne. And, no, of course I can't reach the door to shut it without getting up and walking...ummm, yeah, not so pretty! . This sweet little chubby-cheeked babe has grown a fraction of an inch and can now reach OVER the baby gates and release them whenever he darn-well pleases. His first inclination is to run up the stairs to his brother's room, scale the bedspread and jump under the covers on a too-tall-for-him bed. He got farther ahead of me this time and by the time I jogged to the top of the stairs (thinking I had collapsed a lung, of course) and there he was...under the covers, head on the pillow, iPod ear buds in place and Nintendo DS in hand. See, shape-shifter, I just know it! . My 27.5 pound little guy could win a medal in "keep away." You know the game...half-way around the kitchen island with a cupcake in each hand...peek, sees Mommy headed his way...half-way the OTHER way around the kitchen island with icing on his nose and squeezing the bejeebies out of what used to be cupcakes from the sheer excitement of seeing my face start to twitch. Can you have a stroke just from toddler-induced stress? . A quite imaginative little one, he has now decided that every air conditioning/heating vent in the house is a slide for all of his toys. He carefully and quietly rounds the corner with toy/car/small family pet in hand, squeezes his puny fingers between the fins of the grate and removes it only to squeal, "WWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" as he sends his little friend down for the ride of its life! . His newest obsession? The DVD player. He knows exactly which of his toy totes when turned upside down makes him just tall enough to reach the open/close button and what fun that is. Dinosaur in..."close"...grind, grind...nope, doesn't fit Bob the Builder vehicle?..."close"...crunch, squeal...nope. Pacifier?..."close"...lurch, crank...LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WE HAVE A WINNER!! Of course, now his beloved "Boo," as he calls it, is in there for life because the $#@#$% thing won't open again...and it's an all out temper tantrum while shrieking "BOO! BOO!" at 47 decibels above human hearing level!! . You are thinking, "Just chill, lady. It's just what toddlers do!" . But, is it typical for this to take place inside a 30 minute time frame?!! . Has anyone see my eyelids?

Toot, toot...

Alrighty, I am NOT one to toot my own horn. Quite honestly, I don't even own a horn. We have a couple recorders floating around and one very loud saxaphone but I, personally, do not own a horn. . Anyway, my point... I very rarely let people make a big deal out of things I do or things I make but I have to rooty-toot-toot today!! . I have actually been getting...I almost can't say it...FAN MAIL! Although I feel honored and humbled, it is like an out-of-body thing for me! It is hysterical that I, me, dorky mom Michelle is getting fan mail?!!

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Am I being PUNK'D? Where's Ashton?

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I get a lot of great comments from fellow bloggers but that's not what I am referring to. I write a weekly column in our local paper - the Tri County Record.

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I have recently started receiving wonderful emails from local people who have somehow been touched by what I wrote. My "fans" (what?!) write of how I "made them think," or what I said "really hit home," or was "just what I needed to hear today." One letter came on beautiful stationery to my mailbox and then yesterday the biggest WHAT?! of them all came. My editor contacted me to say there was a gift at the office for me sent by a reader.

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WHAT?! . Let me give you the visual... Right now, I sit at my computer, Dunkin' Donuts vanilla chai sitting to my right. Why the chai? Well, the trip into town was easier than fighting with my two-year old to get him to sleep and I knew he would not make it home from DD awake. . I digress... Here's the look I am sportin' today... I have VERY messy, needs-a-good-trim hair pulled back in an elastic headband, I have on an obnoxious periwinkle blue (it is a sickening blue) long-sleeved T-shirt with the black capri sweats I wore all day yesterday AND slept in last night and yes, they are STILL on my body AND....this is the best part...

THESE socks!

I am just NOT feeling FAN worthy. I do not own Vera Wang ANYTHING, I have never had people hiding in my bushes to take pictures of me and I have never walked the red carpet...actually, I HAVE done that...the carpet in the church I got married in was red...wait, and there were photographers...my dress, my dress...it was not Vera but it was gorgeous!!

OK...so I am FAN WORTHY....bring on the mail!

Good grief, I am just kidding, you know...thanks for the mail, it keeps me writing!

A little snippet here and a little snippet there...

For those of you who have read more than just yesterday's post, you know along with being a freelance writer, blogger and columnist, I am also an aspiring children's writer. (I am an artist, too, but not sure I am ready to take on the job of author/illustrator) Now that my readership has escalated to heights not before seen on MY SEMBLANCE OF SANITY (although not crazy huge like some of my MommyBloggingFriends) I thought it would be fun to give you some snippets of a couple children's books I have written and get your feedback... If you have never commeted before, please let me know you are out there...I am curious as to how many people are included in those red "blips" on my Worldwide Fan map to the left. Here's a peek into the CRAZY mind of a children's author!! excerpt from GABBY VON CLOUTH, CAN'T SHUT HER MOUTH: Gabby Von Clouth was always busy. She was the teacher’s pet. She sharpened all the pencils before her friends got to school. She tidied the cubbies and sorted the mail. Miss Gooseberry was a tad flighty and was thrilled to have the extra help. One hectic morning she opened the craft closet and to find all of the art supplies in alphabetical order. “Did you see what I did for you? It was hard work but I did it! Aren’t you lucky to have me Miss Gooseberry?” It never failed, right after her random act of kindness Gabby looked around to see who noticed and who was ready to make a big deal out of it. She wanted a “Thank You,” a “You’re Great,” and maybe even a “You have made my day!” excerpt from HAPPY FIRST DAY: She gladly took the spot of last in line and quietly walked down the peaceful hallway. No one seemed to notice her. Good. Suddenly, like a centipede, step by step the single file line turned right and one by one they entered the classroom. The lights were off. It took awhile for Emma’s eyes to adjust from the bright hallway to the dimly lit classroom. There was music…were the other children singing? There was a warm glow coming from the center of the room. There, on a small desk was a cake with glowing candles. Emma was confused, she didn’t move and she certainly didn’t sing. What were they doing? What were they singing? “Happy First Day to you, Happy First Day to you, Happy First Day dear Emma, Happy First Day to you!” All of this fuss was for her? Never in any other school, and she had been to many, had her first day been treated like a class holiday. Mrs. King was smiling with her hands clasped over her heart. She was proud of her students and it showed. excerpt from HENRIETTA HAMSTERFACE: “Too slow, Lost the race. Henrietta Hamster Face! Loser, How’s it feel? Get back in your hamster wheel!” Maggie McCall, a slender girl with long red fingernails, spun on her heel and flipped her hair the way popular girls do as she glanced back at Henrietta who was sitting in a cloud of dust. She adjusted her small oval glasses, wiped her pointy nose, pulled her sweater closed to cover her “Hamsters are People, too” shirt and smoothed her skirt over her slightly rounded body. Henrietta climbed to her feet and walked to the back door of the school. Maggie and her crew had tricked Henrietta into thinking if she won the race to the dirt mound she would be an honorary member of the “Star Crowd;” that’s what Maggie and her pretty friends called themselves. The whistle blew and the fourth-graders filed into the school. Henrietta slid into the last place in line and sulked down the hall wondering if there would ever be a day she would be a star. excerpt from HOME IS WHERE THE LOVE IS: Javan sat quietly staring at the words on the blackboard; “Home is where…”He squeezed his eyes shut and mouthed a quick prayer for courage as the impending chaos blew through the door. What seemed to be a hundred fifth-graders moved into the room all at once. They chatted and laughed as they rumbled past Javan’s desk. His heart pounded so hard he could hear it over the racket of the students so obviously comfortable with life, themselves, their school, and their friends. Comfortable. Javan was anything but. This was his second day at Augustus Elementary and he still didn’t know where the bathroom was or how he would complete the sentence on the board. He was lost; in more ways than one. *********************************************************************************** OK...back to work...that was my creative way of geting out of staring at the blank page which is also the start of the final copy of book 3 of my series that is out at HarperCollins....please let the phone ring! :)

She emerges victorious...kind of...

OK...I have never been what you would call athletic. I was the girl who would blame her period to try and get out of co-ed volleyball in gym class. I was a cheerleader, not a runner or swimmer. I just don't enjoy gasping for air or burning muscles, that's all.

However, I DO consider myself competitive at some things and isn't that what sports are really about...competing? Well, if that is the case, I am a competitive DISCOUNT GROCERY SHOPPER!! I love the thrill, the mad dash for the 'scratch and dent' aisle and ultimately, an overflowing cart for pennies on the dollar.

This morning, my two year old and I headed for the DISCOUNT GROCERY STORE before going to the "real" grocery store. This is my strategy. I buckled him in and revved my engine.

And they're off.

A mere 20 minutes later I pull up to the cash register with this...

43 name brand items = $43.24

Kraft, Post, Betty Crocker, Maxwell House, Nature Valley, Tyson, etc., etc.

I was thrilled at my VICTORY!! I brought my booty home and headed back out to the 'real' grocery store with a good feeling that I could get meat, fruits and veggies for under $60 and have the satisfaction of knowing I could feed my family of 5 for a week and a half on roughly $100.

With Christmas coming, I could sock away my extra loot and really treat my kids...and my hubby, too, I guess!

Well, the "I only spent $43 at BB's so, I'll get extra yogurt, bottled water, meat, ice cream...." did me in. I left our Super Wal-Mart with $158 worth of groceries in my cart...rats!

Oh, well. I tried my best. Better luck next time.

I got some 'splainin' to do...

Well, I had someone email me to comment on how much she enjoys what I write on my blog (thanks Rebecca) and she was wondering (because my title of my blog is yada-yada-yada-writes 4 kids) if I had ever published anything that she could read. So, I figured if she was wondering, maybe all my great commenters were up at night, tossing and turning, wondering the same thing. I DO write and have been published many times...but mostly for adults. I write a lot for regional parenting magazines like About Families (PA), MetroKids (DE), Parent Magazine (TN), KidsVT, Pittsburg Parent, Family (NJ), Indy's Child, Charlotte Parent (SC), Parenting New Hampshire, San Diego Parent, and a couple big time magazines like Fostering Families Today and Relate Magazine for girls. I have also written crafts for ParentZone.com. Most of what I write is out of my passion for children. I write articles that keep kids healthy, keep families connected and creative in the way they deal with life. I have a pile of rejection slips that I have been collecting for almost two years now from a vast array of children's book manuscripts. Some people say to throw them away b/c they will ultimately bring you down and you will give up the ship. Not me. I actually have a file right in my file cabinet labelled "rejections" so that when I am published and children across the country are giggling at my words, I can encourage other aspiring authors by saying, "I collected 4,937 rejections before getting published!" I truly don't have that many although my ego may argue that depending on how many I pull from the mailbox that day. I recently attended the SCBWI (Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators) Fall Philly Conference and made some great connections! I now am awaiting a response from an editor at HarperCollins in regards to the first in a series of really quirky, fun picture books. Send up some prayers for me if you are the praying type (I am). I dream of touching the lives of as many children as I can before my time on this planet expires. So, there ya go! That's my mission in a nut shell! I am off to get a shower in the remaining minutes of the baby's nap so that I can take the big kids to a book signing with Elizabeth Kann, author of Pinkalicious and Purplicious. Throw those names in at Amazon.com and you will fall in love with her!! Have a creative day!

Hide the shoes...

Alrighty, I remembered where I was headed with today's blog, I was momentarily stunned by my European visitor and forgot all about the shoe post! But believe it or not as I was surfing (yes, instead of folding the mound of towels that are staring at me) other blogs I came across The Sorensen Family site and low and behold - another child with a shoe obsession!

http://sorensen6.blogspot.com/2007/10/obsess-much.html

My two year old has this same affliction as you can see from the photo above. These are the shoes from his Build-A-Bear monkey. He spent all day yesterday cramming as much of his little feet into these shoes and then walking around like a little cross-dresser. Alarmingly, it appears he would be quite secure in heels!

If anyone knows a good 12-step program for this shoe fetish, please let me know!

A big European high 5...

I am so excited! I just logged on (it is precious, precious nap time...a.k.a. Mommy's writing time, sit on the couch with a cup of tea time, watch ANYTHING other than Barney while I fold laundry time...ME TIME!) to write my post for the day. I had a great idea. I glanced down across the page to my World Map in the left margin and there it was...a red "blip" on Europe!!! I have a reader in Europe! I am so excited, I forgot what I was about to write. Guess I will go fold some laundry, drink some tea and watch the boob tube while I think about what it was I was going to entertain you with...brb...maybe But should I come back and that European has left me a comment, I will surely forget my post idea again!

Let 'em know they deserve it...

Yesterday was an amazing day and my kids deserved it! After church we drove 2 hours to Pocono Raceway where my husband, my brother-in-law and my dad fought G-force speeds in their long-awaited ride in a Nascar! The three of them were like kids in a candy shop putting on their gear and posing for the cameras. You couldn't have scraped the smiles off their faces with a putty knife. My three little ones were watching in excitement not really grasping WHY Daddy, Uncle Frank and Pap were excited about going 165 mph - but they were being good sports. What they didn't know was my husband and I had a HUGE surprise for them after the race (which at 165 mph, 3 laps last about 4.5 minutes). The baby was going home with my parents for a night alone with Nana and Pap - otherwise known as King and Queen Spoil Machine! But my older two were headed to a JUMP 5 concert albeit another 2 hours away. We told them nothing. They were curious when the baby and all his "travel accessories" were re-located to Nana and Pap's car, in fact, I think for a minute they were a bit jealous. We fielded the questions with simple answers, "Just trying out a new place for dinner." They continued to ask but were also engrossed in a movie in the backseat. When we realized we were running out of time, as our friends who were meeting us at the concert had just arrived and called to say there was a line but they would wait out front with our tickets, we decided to hit the SONIC drive-thru for dinner - forgetting we had told them that dinner was the BIG surprise. "Uhhm, Mom, I don't want to sound disrespectful, but is this really where we are eating? We have already eaten at a SONIC before." "BUT, have you eaten at a SONIC in Brownstown before?" "Where's Brownstown?" "Here." "Oh. No." We got out to go to the bathroom while my husband hit the drive-thru. This is when they felt more comfortable showing their disappointment. Behind closed doors and without Daddy in earshot. I tried to convince them that the excitement was because we had never been IN a SONIC restroom, they weren't buying it and quite frankly they were a bit disturbed. I mean, truly disturbed, they were looking at me as if I had flipped my lid and was headed for the cuckoo's nest. They were nervously smiling and their gaze darted back and forth from me to each other...me...each other... Now for those of you who are not familiar with JUMP 5 - they are a Christian pop band whose music is all over the DISNEY CHANNEL and RADIO DISNEY. They sing the theme song for Lilo and Stitch as well as songs for Lizzie McGuire and many other kids' shows. This was our fourth concert and JUMP 5's last time in PA - forever. This was their FAREWELL TOUR. Our church hosted them in concert 2 years ago and our kids (my own and those of the friends we were meeting at the concert) were helping the band in their dressing rooms to cover widows with paper - my husband and I cooked for them - and the kids begged them to stay after the concert for a special ice cream social. We even went on their tour bus - so NEEDLESS TO SAY - this was going to be a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE surprise! We pulled into the parking lot and they started to put the pieces together when they spotted our waiting friends as they darted in front of the car at the entrance. My dear friend Anne-Marie handed them their tickets and then we all went momentarily deaf with the high-pitched shrieking from the back seat. The concert was a blast! They danced, sang and squealed ANYTIME any of the band members looked in their direction. It was a bittersweet night as they realized this was the last time they would ever see them in concert again. We waited in line for autographs and they melted when the members of JUMP 5 said they remembered having ice cream with them. We got tons of pictures and created memories to last a life time. As we left the building the kids were feeling a bit sad about the Farewell tour - but that was nothing a LIMOUSINE couldn't cure. Our friends had rented a limo for the night and since my husband had to leave earlier in the evening, we ALL headed out in style. "NO seat belts! We don't have to buckle up!" "Is that a DVD player" "Can we play my JUMP 5 CD?" "Look, I can almost stand up - we could dance in here." "I love these lights." "We can eat in here?" "Who has a movie?" "I'm hungry." Tony, our driver, must be a dad or at least have a heart for kids because in less than 2 minutes our kids were delivered in style to DUNKIN' DONUTS/BASKIN ROBBINS! It was 11:10 and they were chowing down on chocolate, scanning every digital camera for pictures of the band, giggling and laughing and, believe it or not, I got a few hugs and a "You are the BEST, Mom!" Sure, they were tired this morning and I probably could have left them stay home but then walking into school with their concert Ts and telling their friends about their midnight limo ride would have felt like old news. Matthew, Emily, Natalie-Anne and JT, you are good kids - you SOOOOOOO deserved this one! Love you guys!

Did you ever wanna just BITE THE DOG?

Did you ever have one of those days that EVERYTHING got under your skin? Take the simple process of getting the baby to stop pouring his smoothie all over the highchair tray. I take the cup away and he starts slapping the puddles of strawberry yogurt for all he's worth... The dog was a poop fest all day and it was raining, we have no fence so I must accompany her on these jaunts- what the heck did she eat yesterday b/c it keeps coming out... My carefully stacked pyramid of groceries goes flying the minute I hit the edge of the parking lot...diapers, a case of spring water and pizzas declare lift-off as a nice woman comes to my rescue... The baby dislodged the gate at the bottom of the stairs a mere 4,000 times and before I could retreive him, he ransacked his brother's room every single time... The same person called me 5 times... A neurology nurse took a "stupid patient" attitude with me while I was trying to change an appointment... I have always been PRO-animals...was a vegetarian more than once, I abhor hunting and would like to be left alone with Michael Vick but today I just wanted to bite the dog!

Stop and smell the...caterpillars?

As a writer I dreamed of days sitting at my computer for hours with a cup of hot coffee and quite possibly still in my jammies. Then we added one more to my brood. I went from an at-home mom with two kids in school all day to a mom with hardly any time to myself.
Isn't it funny how one little, tiny person can keep you from everything that needs to get done? Well, when that tiny person was 2 and today he gave me a beautiful gift.
And this is the story:
After a flu shot we headed home for a morning of outside play. Little Izaiah's idea of sheer perfection. My idea of "Crap, I am not getting anything done." But today was different. Maybe it was my pity for him having just gotten a shot or maybe my brain actually DOES remember how to take a vacation. But in any case, we stopped to admire a new friend...

Usually, I am looking for an excuse to get back inside so I can jot down my latest picture book idea or make a few phone calls, make a dent in the laundry or straighten something so it looks like I was productive when my husband walks in at dinner time.
When this green, wriggling critter caught my eye I knew God had a different plan for Isaiah and I today. I coaxed my little guy out of the wagon and pointed to the caterpillar who was almost completely camoflaged in the grass next to the sidewalk.
Watching my toddler slowly approach a creature he has no reference for was priceless. His giant blue eyes looked up at me as if they were saying, "Are you kidding me? What in the world IS that?!" He knelt down and watched closely as his new green friend squiggled through the grass and then stopped to much a leaf.
This bugger was so huge that we (because now I have copped a squat on the sidewalk as if I was 2 as well) could actually watch the tiny leaf disappear bite by bite.
Isaiah watched intently, climbed back into the wagon and waved good-bye to his new friend.
I have no idea how long we were there and for the first time in a very long time I was IN THE MOMENT! It was wonderful. Thank you, buddy.
As moms, we have pressures coming at us from all directions. Some of you work outside the home - I personally could not handle that stress - and some of you are dealing with special needs children. Some of you are alone. Some of you are in a harmful relationship. But all of us are responsible for the well-being of our children. They deserve some time without those pressures encroaching on their quality time with their hero - Mommy.
Give them that time. It is always a good time to stop and smell the caterpillars!

Why SAHMs get constipated...

(minor-TMI alert)

I get everyone onto the bus and coax my little man back inside with the promise of a lollipop so I can relieve the "urge" that is looming in my gut. Now, you must know that our other two had a strict rule to live by, "NO sugar until after lunch!" When the third came along - yeah, not so strict anymore - I just jump on whatever ploy works that day.

"Want some candy?"

"Then, please get off the dining room table."

"Want a donut?"

"You'll need to stop playing in the potty and wash your hands, then!"

He's onto me!

If I'd have had a bowl of sugar in my small powder room I would have given him a spoon just so I could have relieved myself in peace. But I wasn't thinking ahead I guess.

I briskly entered the throne room with a chubby little hand in mine, shut the door and took my seat as Queen of...(I'll spare you!) With that, I was apparently awarded a Jester and JEST he did!

He is a small 2 year old but he felt big as he lurched his body across the room, planted his hands on the lip of the pedestal sink, threw his feet to the pedestal and lifted. His little body became the shape of a "less-than" sign. He was eye to eye with me. He looked at me, giggled and jumped down.

Funny how nothing goes unnoticed when you are 32" tall. He headed right for the small stack of toilet paper in the corner. He and I began a sweet game of catch with one of the rolls. Fifteen years ago, I would never have imagined myself in the toilet-seat-shot-put Olympics. But, who does? I was just hoping to read something, anything in any one of the many untouched magazines in the bin by my feet.

Bored with catch he makes it his mission to build the Leaning Tower of TP. What a kick he gets out of himself when he makes it as tall as he is. I smile. How cute. But three seconds later I have become the center of a nuclear attack as there are toilet paper rolls bludgeoning me from all sides! What is it about stacks and piles that make toddlers evolve into SUPER DESTRUCTO MAN?! Another Mom-phenomenon that we will never figure out.

The dog pushes the door, that I thought was shut, open a bit ad tries to come in. I fling my body to the door and shut it. I have all the stimulation I need right now as my body has not relaxed enough to make this trip a DONE DEAL, yet.

And with that minor distraction, my son has decided to switch careers. SUPER DESTRUCTO MAN is now Kareem Abdul Juicebox as he makes a slam dunk with a roll of TP into the pedestal sink. Funny, I never saw that parallel...the powder room sink does look a bit like a basketball net. Huh.

After the huge bulk pack of toilet paper is dumped on the floor and he begins fishing in the trashcan and lunging for the toilet brush I decide...it is time to abort this mission.

We walk out together only to find that the dog has completely macerated the roll she must have grabbed when she tried to interrupt only minutes ago. It looks like she killed a poodle!

Well, the "urge" has passed....there's always tomorrow.

Somehow I don't think working moms deal with this discomfort. I can't imagine their co-workers climbing under the stall and wrapping them in toilet paper or playing pat-a-cake! They have the PLEASURE OF POOPING IN PEACE!!

Count to Sleep...

1 fluffy pillow to lay my sleepy head. 2 tired eyes; it must be time for bed. 3 goodnight kisses on my weary cheek. 4 gentle moonbeams through my window leak. 5 big yawns, sleepy time is near. 6 magic words whispered in my ear. (“Sweet dreams honey, I love you!”) 7 tosses and turns, time to turn out the light. 8 silly shadows welcome in the night. 9 short dreams of ice cream cones and flowers… ….and finally… 10 looooooooooong sleepy hours.

Woooaaahhhh Nelly!

My day started on the couch. This is where I woke up. My husband was in Canada overnight so there was no reason for me to make the trek upstairs when the last of the Friends re-runs was over last night. It was 6-ish am and still pretty dark outside when I heard “MAA!” the baby’s request to get up. My neck had a bad left-sided kink and I am not really sure what my hair was doing but it looked a little bit like a ski slope. I tried to at least smooth it down on the way up the stairs so I wouldn’t startle my wee one still in a dark room. I am not a morning person. Actually, I am quite sure my heart does not start beating until about 7:30 or so. So I always pray that the older two will sleep until I at least have ½ a cup of coffee down. This morning I was not so lucky. All three of them were up by 6:30. Soon after the stories of the alien dreams had died down I drug myself into the kitchen to start my coffee. I am a huge coffee fan but I can not make the stuff to save my life. So, I opt for the ease of instant (yuck) just to give me the jolt I need to come up with the latest girlie hairstyle, stuff lunchboxes and blow kisses as the bus pulls away. I filled the mug with water and hit 1 minute, 20 seconds on my microwave. By now, all three children have the jolt they get from I don’t know where but I wish they would share the secret with me and it is obvious they have started their day. I was still hitting the accelerator but it appeared I was out of gas. Simultaneously, my 12 year old made his packed lunch request, my 11 year old asked if I could hold up four fingers on each hand while hiding my thumbs completely – and I MUST show her how I think I would accomplish this while the baby decided I needed to watch him gallop. Not just watch out of the corner of my eye – there is NO fooling him. I had to watch him like I was M. Night Shyamalan filming his next blockbuster. BEEP! That’s my coffee, my morning elixir, the drug that will get me through the mental contortion I am in right now but with my hands tangled and my eyes fixed on Hillbilly Baby, I can’t get to it. My daughter scoffs at my attempt and shows me her hand-wrangling secret, I get to the pantry for the PB&J and the baby is off racing his cars. I glance in the living room with a smile as I have three happy kids when… PICK-UP IN AISLE 5! The dog had made it her job this morning to chew up the plastic bottles that had filled the tipped over mini-shopping cart. I scooped up the slimy plastic as my two-year old scolds our dog with his pointer finger and a resounding, “Na na!” He has heard that before. BEEP! Ahhh, my coffee… “Mom! Come look!” I am jolted out of my java jones by my daughter’s obvious and immediate need. She was pointing to the TV with such urgency I was certain I would soon be having a discussion about a school shooting, a tsunami, the wounded soldiers in Iraq… “Do you like Karla’s purple outfit or Jen’s pink outfit better?” she asked about the singing kid group on The Learning Channel. “Ummm, I think I like the pink, honey.” BEEP! I sprinted (not really) to the kitchen and opened the microwave. I carefully grasped the handle of my mug as my hands are not all that steady before my first swig. BARK! I almost spill the whole gosh-darned thing all over myself when the dog greets the lucky (albeit running) soul who escaped her house this morning to briskly jaunt passed my front windows. The warm sensation of caffeine was calming as it was hastily delivered to my bloodstream. I leaned against the counter taking a few more sips, breathing deeply and preparing to finally start my day. I admired the neatly displayed birthday cards on the half-wall between the kitchen and living room maybe because they were the only semblance of order on the first floor. They are not only a sign that my oldest child is now double digits; they are also a celebration of how long I have been an at-home mom. I take another sip and pretend my coffee tastes like Starbuck’s. Enter the Dog vs.Baby Balloon Volleyball World Championships and my half-wall became the net. One spike by the baby and a failed return by the pooch shoots my celebratory card display straight to… “HELLO” I mouth to Rick, my neighbor, dropping off his daughter at the back door. Crap! I don’t have a bra on and I am walking to greet him at the door. Like a scene from The Matrix and in one fell swoop, I put my ‘mug of life’ down on the table and pick up the sweatshirt I wore the day before from the chair. Like a quick change artist my braless torso is covered and I smile and chat a bit at the door. It’s barely 7:30 am and I feel like I have run a marathon already. I need a shower badly but somehow I don’t think that will give me the boost I need today. After a saxophone concert in the living room and the talents of Morgan the balloon-popping dog, I watched my older two hug their baby brother at the bus stop. This gave me just the boost I needed to get me back in the house and ready to deal with the rest of my morning. 2 ½ minutes later….the first tantrum of the day. Gotta love it!

The Glory Days....

My column has come to fruition...The Gift of Gab...quite a funny title if you know anything about me....I tend to go on and on and on... Here is this week's column and a picture to add some flair!

The loud, constant roar was mesmerizing. The humidity soaked my clothes as the sun baked the 110,077 people around me. I could see nothing but white in every direction. It smelled like home. A gentle tingling came over my body and tears came to my eyes as those around me stood, lips poised and ready to belt out the words I have sung many times:

For the glory of old State,For her founders strong and great,For the future that we wait,Raise the song, raise the song. Sing our love and loyalty,Sing our hopes that, bright and free,Rest, O Mother dear, with thee,All with thee, all with thee. When we stood at childhood's gate,Shapeless in the hands of fate,Thou didst mold us, dear old State,Dear old State, dear old State. May no act of ours bring shameTo one heart that loves thy name,May our lives but swell thy fame,Dear old State, dear old State.

I watched as my two oldest children, donned in white football jerseys and blue paw prints on their cheeks sang along with the words on the scoreboard. Their first Penn State Football Game. I clutched the hand of my college sweetheart as we breathed deeply and counted our blessings. It was a record crowd. The first full stadium “white-out” in Penn State history. We trounced Notre Dame 31-10! In Penn State-ese this was sheer perfection. We are your typical Penn State family. Our first cat’s name was Nittany, we had a blue and white color scheme in our first home and I have had the Fight Song as my ring tone for some time now. By the tender age of two if our children heard the words “We are…” they would appropriately respond with, “Penn State!” This may seem atypical to those who do not share in our Lion history; some may even feel it is a bit freakish. We have heard it all. People have laughed as they accused us of brainwashing or forcing our children to bleed blue and white. Most Pennstaters will tell you, that’s not what it’s about. It is about honor, loyalty and integrity. It is a love for something that made you who you are at this very moment in time. It is about truly knowing how to live. It’s about knowing when to be proud and knowing when to back down. It’s knowing the difference between friendly banter and “talking smack.” It’s about being respectful to those around you and helping those in need. It is a sense of brotherhood that is sometimes stronger than family. Honestly, I don’t believe my children need to attend Penn State to make their life complete. My hopes and dreams for them surpass something as trivial as where they spend their college years. But I do hope that they find the direction they seek, the passion they crave and the drive that will positively affect their lives and the lives of those around them. It would be foolish to believe that only one university can a hero make. No matter what their future brings as far as their post-high school choices, I can be sure that because of our college experience, we have laid the foundation we learned at Main Campus. Honor, loyalty and integrity. If they do it wearing blue and white than that is just icing on the cake. Whether you went to a small school or a large university, whether you left high school and entered the workforce or headed directly to the military, whether you are a survivor of something ugly or have had a somewhat spoiled existence. Live your life with honor, loyalty and integrity in the forefront and you will always come out on top. Our children’s eyes were opened to a small portion of this testimony this weekend and for that I am thankful. As I kissed their sun-kissed, paw-printed cheeks tonight I prayed they will be positive members of society and precious blessings in the lives of others no matter whose colors they wear.

What's a girl to do...

"Not enough time in the day." I think I have muttered this phrase three hundred and thirty times in the last three months! Whew! I honestly remember the moment I said I didn't fully grasp that concept. It was a sunny day in State College, Pennsylvania - HAPPY VALLEY as we Penn Staters call it! I sat alone on my rumpled, unmade twin bed with my legs crossed as I stared out the window at the poor unfortunate souls who had class right before dinner. I sat there waiting...for what? I am not sure. It was almost as if I expected the directions for my next course of action to fall through the dusty air duct above my head. I literally had NOTHING to do. No projects or tests to study for, no phone calls to return, no letters to write, nothing. I rolled my eyes as I threw myself backwards onto my pillows and thought, "Why do people even say that? That there is not enough time in the day?" I laid there and wondered how that could be. What in the world would be on your schedule that would literally fill up your entire day? Ridiculous. Fast forward 19 years (ugh! I hated doing that math for that one!) and three children later and I sometimes long for even a mere second that I felt was not held in the hands of someone waiting for something from me. It's quite alright, this life I lead - I chose this road and I am very happy to walk it but there are certainly days when I wish I could get lost...take the other path...the one where no one will find me, or at least it would just take them a little longer than 3.5 minutes to hunt me down. I had to laugh when I read the listing of the now infamous "ebay auction lady" also a fellow Blogspot-er... mom2my6pack.blogspot.com. When she was interviewed on a Tampa radio station about her humorous writings the interviewer asked how her house was so quiet with six children she replied, "I locked myself in the bathroom!" She found the path less traveled that day for her moment of peace. Good for her!! I hope we all have some peace today! If you haven't been blessed by the ebay auction email click here (go to the bathroom first or you may pee a little!) http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=130144061675&ru=http://search.ebay.com:80/search/search.dll?from=R40&_trksid=m37&satitle=130144061675&category0=&fvi=1

HOLY SHMOLY...

OK. So, one of my editors calls me this week and asks me if I would be interested in writing my own column. He actually said I could name it whatever I wanted and I could write on any subject I wanted. My subject could stay the same or vary from week to week. I freeze, I can't nail down a column title which, in turn, doesn't help me come up with a theme... Because I am so very much in love with my first job as "Mom," I am thinking I might call it something that a mom says often.... "BECAUSE I SAID SO!" or something similar.... I have always dreamed of being a syndicated journalist with my own column, what a great way to influence lives with humor and anecdotes to get another mom through her day. Not a bad gig for becoming a published children's writer either! So, the saga continues.....

Character Development...

I am working on a children's book and playing around with character development. This is Emma. She is nervous and shy and afraid of almost everything especially school. As I was deciding what her facial expression would be and how she would be dressed and what her body language would show I was thinking about how cool it is that we basically shape our children's character in the same way. We build them up by celebrating their triumphs and strengths and we support them when they struggle. As an artist puts her pencil to paper and begins a masterpiece she must know the exact pressure to apply to achieve a bold line. She must also know when to stop and let the artwork speak for itself. If we look at child rearing in this manner, we may be able to take on this Mt. Everest one step (stroke) at a time. Gently, patiently and without a doubt by relying on Jesus to work through us in shaping the most important masterpiece we will EVER create. God Bless Our Children!

The Crazy Days of May...

There is nothing more satisfying as a child than a huge helping of sugar. It has become a sort of drug for our nation. Something we rely on, something I find myself completely dependant on and my consumption of such additives is directly related to the readout on my stress-o-meter. If I have pulled the baby out of the dishwasher, that earns me a healthy serving of chocolate! If my daughter has been sticking to me like velcro all afternoon, then it is Starbursts (and lots of them) on the menu! If my oldest son decides to have a major meltdown over not getting his art project exactly right, then watch out stomach, here comes the ice cream! And, should all of these stressors happen simultaneously, there is a HUGE Chocolate Starburst Sundae in my near future. Then of course, there is the gurgling and growling and the desperate need for Rolaids...wow, that was worth it? Or was it? I am pretty certain I am not the only mom who handles stress this way. I may be the only one who would consider Starbursts on a sundae but I am sure during moments of weakness many moms turn to the pantry for some sugary pleasures. It is through this ebb and flow of my day that I stop and think.... No wonder the children of our nation have such bad habits. Eating and otherwise. Let's get back to the basics. Talk about our feelings. Take up a hobby. Making some minor changes will keep us around longer, whether our kids WANT us around or not. What we do to our bodies directly reflects our future....our children. Think about it.

If I were a cephalopod...

...I would be so happy! I could get so much done! Not an attractive look by Paris and Milan standards of course, but imagine the possibilities. The laundry could be folded while simultaneously emptying or filling the dishwasher and changing a diaper. I could help with homework, make dinner and give myself a spa quality pedicure in one fell swoop! Sheer prefection in my mind. This is my own warped version of cosmetic surgery. Anyone know of an octopus with a organ donor card?

Two crazies...

Some of you have one, some have six, I have three. Three little crazy people that run around my house and make messes and eat a lot of food. But whether they are handing me their boogers or giving me sticky kisses or ridding themselves of their latest guilt I wouldn't trade my life for that of another. Sure a little quiet bungalow on a beach with the sounds of waves and seagulls sounds nice some days but who would tug on my hand and grunt to go outside for a mid-morning swing? Who would ask for "quality time" together by backing into my crisscrossed legs with an open book? The time I have with my children is so priceless yet it flies by at the speed of light. The one who first blessed my belly is now more than shoulder height, his sister who came only 15 months later is giving him a good run for the money academically and size-wise. Then the baby who came 7 1/2 years later is quickly pushing into the terrible twos when his first steps seem like yesterday's headlines. God continues to bless me with these babies, boogers and books and I am forever thankful for all three!

She's a bit hesitant...

...of most things. Loud noises, monsters, big slobbery dogs, tall hairy men and especially school. She doesn't like the idea of leaving the safety of her mommy's shadow for that many hours in a row. And who will be there that she knows? What if the kids are mean? What if the teacher is a tall hairy manly monster? She is loaded with excuses why she can't go... “I can’t go today, Mama.” She started to pout. “My belly feels funny and the ‘button’ fell out.” “I have to stay home, Mama.” Her lip became twitchy. “My fingers feel lazy and my toenails are itchy.” “Something is wrong, Mama.” She seemed kind of groggy. “I have a cramp in my lip and my ears sound foggy.” Maybe tomorrow will be easier.....then again, maybe not!

My alter ego...

....she is Lola, a quirky little artist who thinks and "speaks" in pictures! She is a heroic underdog of sorts, the kind of kid that in hindsight I wish I had had the courage to be growing up....keep your eye out for Lola.... she's making her mark on the world!

Recapturing the Power...

My earliest memories of books goes back to my pre-school years. We lived in a very small town with a very small library. It was a dark place with only a few tables, a make-shift sign-out desk and the same librarian was there each time we went. Despite this not-so-attractive visual, I remember it as one of my all time favorite places. My mom took me to story time each week and I was thrilled to sit and listen to a new story. Afterwards there was a race to that book to sign it out. I can feel the carpet, smell the books and hear the rustling of little feet as they scuffled through the aisles looking for hidden treasures. Inside my 'treasure chest' was Frog and Toad, it didn't matter which book of the series it was but it always made the ride back to 17 Pine Street tucked under my arm. We would read that book until the pages nearly turned themselves. Unfortunately, dashing my mother's hopes of having a life-long reader I went through high school going to great lengths to get out of having to read a whole book. There was no good explanation that would have been reason for this except for that fact that I was not making connections to my assigned readings. I would call a friend whom I knew would share the knowledge, buy the Cliff's Notes and just barely skim them or go to class unprepared and fake it. I got great grades, I didn't NEED to read. When I got to college I started to realize what I had missed out on. Classmates were drawing connections between books I should have read in high school and books I still hadn't read for college assignments and I was left to divert my gaze so I wasn't expected by the professor to make connections; I had none to make. Something had been missing from my education. It wasn't until Grad School that it all became clear to me. The book I was reading talked about readers paging through their books, looking ahead for important parts in the plot while also taking time to make connections with the story and finding things that are relevant to their own life. Not before this moment did I realize why I disliked reading so much. I specifically remember being taught in school that "reading ahead" was cheating as we were usually following chapter-by-chapter study guides. Ten years ago I left the doctor's office with the news that I was pregnant. Where did I go? The closest baby store? My mom's house? No. Barnes & Noble. I ached for the pages that would unfold the mystery of this little miracle growing inside me. I started reading because I had a reason and I haven't stopped. I was making a connection, making it relevant to my life. My realization was how important I wanted books to be for this little one I was then using as a book rest. Three children later, sadly "my" little library has been bulldozed and the lot sits vacant but I follow in my mother's footsteps and model the importance of literacy in our daily lives. While my first two toddled through the aisles of the Vestal Library I beamed as I shared in the innocence and wonder of a book through a toddler's eyes. Eight years later and on my third toddler I still make it a daily activity to slow down and cuddle up with a good book. My three babes could possibly go through school the same way I did, abhorring the notion of having to read, but I doubt it as two of the three are book worms already. No matter what happens as they grow up I take comfort in knowing that I laid the foundation and I can only hope they will someday grasp the reality that reading is power.

Stolen Moments...

I have actually been in the shower and wished I had more to do, more to wash, something else to shave, just to quench my thirst for the ever-valuable alone time. I sometimes wish I had an escape hatch in my shower wall! Like a grown up version of the wardrobe that landed those children in that magical place. I know the shower may not a magical spot for everyone. It was not too long ago that I had a three year old and a two year old head-long into their own version of a WWF Smackdown on the bathroom floor while I tried to scrub off the previous day’s worth of dried applesauce and goldfish crumbs. Those were not really showers but mere pit stop rinse-offs in this race I call motherhood. How many more laps? Where the ^*%^% is that *^I%^& checkered flag? My children are older now and I can grab a moment after dinner or first thing in the morning to enjoy more than a few frantic seconds in the shower. Hot water, steam and the sound of the bathroom fan drowning out whatever may be going on the floor below at the kitchen table can sometimes resemble perfection. This is as close to magic as I get these days but it is mine…all mine! Just a few moments ago I was in the shower releasing the stresses of the day; the sibling arguments, the dog, a late husband, a baby cranky from his shots and I was inspired. I was stealing a moment while the water massaged my aching back. I slowly bent over and left my upper body hang, directing the pulsating water to my tired, lower back muscles. I was drinking in the relaxation when I heard, “Mom, what are you doing?!” There I was in a not-so-flattering pose after two kids and too many trips through the drive-thru looking at my 9 year-old son staring at me through the textured glass of our shower door. Ladies and gentlemen, the checkered flag is out! Stolen moments aren’t always times you steal for yourself, unfortunately they are sometimes moments others steal from you. My spa treatment was interrupted and I reminded myself that just a few years ago I would have paid a hefty sum of money for that many minutes in a row of alone time. Steal those moments when you can. They will rejuvenate your mind, body and soul. And if you leave a couple squares of chocolate in your shower stall, they may just qualify as sheer perfection.