The Halls of Skin and Bone...

*(I bumped this post up! It's a repeat, ENJOY!)*
 
Today we did some school shopping. I got a babysitter and I took my older two to the mall.
 
I love the smell of Back-to-School!
 
Not the fact that the fruit of my loins will actually spend hours away from me 5 days a week (I hate that part) but just the tingly excitement of that first day. The new kids, new teachers, locker combinations, new notebooks, cute boys, being late to the class I didn't even sign up for but ended up being on my schedule, unexpectedly getting my period, tripping up the stairs in front of the boy I was planning on having a crush on that day and having egg salad soup at the bottom of my locker at luchtime.
 
Well, not ALL my memories are good ones I guess. But, I still get excited for the shopping!
 
On our trip, we went to all the stores that kids love: Children's Place, Old Navy, GAP and some department stores that Mom dragged them into in hopes of a good sale. But then I had the great idea to travel into a world unknown...Hollister.
 
I have never been able to figure out the fashion phenomenon of a NAME. What makes a name when it comes to fashion? How do the words GAP, ABERCROMBIE, AEROPOSTALE define multi-millions in sales? They are cool clothes, I enjoy the styles and quality but I have a strong feeling if they looked identical but were called SMITHSENSTRUBER they wouldn't be so cool!
 
So, we walk into Hollister - our first time. It's a dark and loud store. I actually felt like I was walking into a bar. That's how they sell clothes! You are squinting and can't see a thing and the music is so loud when you ask where to find the clothes that cost less than $400 you can't hear what the 4-year old sales girl who weighs 20 lbs. says. So, you grab up a couple things, head to the register, swipe your card and head for the nearest CVS for some Advil, Oil of Olay and Slim Fast.
 
I am not a name-dropper or someone who needs to have the latest name brand fashions and I try to deter my children from feeling that is necessary.
knock off designer purses don't count because they are not real


But, I have shopped long enough to know that even the stores that cause you to take out a second mortgage just to outfit your three children for one day DO, in fact, sometimes have good sales. I just thought it would be cool for my first-time middle-schooler to have a Hollister T-shirt for school...I would do anything to give him a leg up on the sometimes cruel competition.
So, we walk in and head right for the clearance racks.


Of course, we had to pass the posters...ugh, the posters...what was this, the red light district? Are they SELLING SKIN in this store? Well, then why is so much of it showing?? The girls in the posters weigh approximately 14.5 ounces and have the slender shape of Gumby! Their apparent poster boy love interests have 6-pack abs that go the whole way dowwwwwwwwwn to a VERY TOO LOW waist line.

I was covering my daughter's eyes and blushing before we got past the cash register! I think I actually felt myself get fatter in this store. I could see the sales staff wasting away while I unbuttoned my shorts to relieve the pudge that was growing underneath my not-Hollister, mom clothing. I wanted to BARF. THEY needed to eat.

"C'mon, honey, have some fries, a milkshake, SOMETHING that will make you weigh more than my purse!"

I found some great sales after asking a nice kid who walked us
because he had lost his voice from screaming directions to the customers all day


I know, I know. I should not be school shopping for ME but I have to say, I got sucked into the Hollister haze and wanted to wear the word, too! Of course, that feeling quickly faded when I held up a t-shirts that could have doubled as a sock on this mom body.

They got shirts.

I got perfume and pretended each squirt would airbrush me to the size of that $@!#! poster girl!
Still squirting...

NOTHIN’!

Peace out, Mamas!

Glub, Glub, Glub....

...last week was one of those weeks where my head was barely above water! Did ya ever have one of those weeks? You know the kind...you find yourself at the bus depot trying to sneak on a bus headed anywhere but somewhere that you'll have to get things done, be productive, and put on a brave face about it. Why would I be sneaking, you ask? Well, because I spent the last of my grocery money on STARBUCKS and I have no money left for a bus ticket to the place where moms get to sit and relax. Because, as an at-home mom I have "no job" as far as the bank is concerned...direct deposit makes sure I have enough for Cheerios and Cream Cheese but I get no salary because I choose to stay home. "No bus fair for you," says the Ticket Nazi! Anyway, I wasn't all the way to the bus depot last week but almost! It all started with my husband reminding me on Saturday that he was leaving for Las Vegas on SUNDAY after church. WHAT THE SNOT??! I totally forgot. I have a bit of an anxiety disorder that gets a bit worse when I have to stay alone over night. My parents (who live less than a mile from me) were at their beach house - guess they found the bus depot with some cha-ching in their pockets - and my neighbor works nights. GREAT! Home REALLY alone! We have a very close friend who is on the SWAT team so I know I could call him right after dialing 9-1-1 if anything happened...but he is also the crime scene photographer so I would be afraid I would jinx myself if I called him! So, for three nights I hooked up my STARBUCKS IV, propped my eyelids open with toothpicks and tried to stay awake so I could head off any intruder with my super hero strength. I laugh! There were also cheerleading practices, hip hop dance classes, homework..blah blah blah...you know the drill. Single-mommin' it STINKS big time! When he is away, I can't get anything productive done. I have to just focus on NOT hearing the noises of the army of crazed lunatics that might be jimmying my basement windows open. CRAP! So, what do I do to get through the days following the sleepless nights? CRAFTS, of course! (Renee Garcia, close your eyes!)

...thinking about doing a kids' art "how-to show" on youtube.com - something regularly occurring....could be fun.... I think he went to the Coleman School of Glue...

This is Coleman doing arts and crafts in the Ronald McDonald House in NYC! If you have not been blessed by Coleman Larson, please head over to www.carepages.com and register (it's free). Click on VISIT and type in ColemanScott (all one word). He will soon become your hero...he is already MINE! Then upon my husband's return, I kissed him, stole his wallet and me and my 3 BFFs headed for HEAVEN! A shopping/scrapbooking overnight... Ahhhhh, cooling towers just say, "SHOPPING!", eh?

Our booty! Why the pirate lingo, you ask? Because.... We had a PIRATE THEMED SUITE, of course! Duh!

LOL! It was a fluke thing - we had no idea this is what we were getting! We were hysterical...snorting and all...when we walked in! Seriously?

If it's true that laughter adds years to your life....we will all be around a LOOOOOOOOONG time! Michelle and Michele (aka Bob!)

Michelle (aka Goose!) and Anne-Marie

Yes, there are 4 of us and yes, 3 of us are Michel(l)e! We are THAT cool!

The Perfect Morning...

So, I am making LOTS of headway on my NAMESAKES ...for those of you new to my blog - just scroll down and you can see more of my latest designs... and I am feeling quite productive! That's always a good feeling! So, next time I open my order pad (it's kind of like a pop-quiz - so you have to check back often or you will miss it!) I will know to tell people that depending on their place in line, it may take up to 2 months to complete the orders. Not bad when you consider they are all hand-done. So, yesterday I had my doctor's appt - yes, he is sticking to the CAFFEINE-FREE advice although he said I could sneak in a cuppa Joe here and there and my heart shouldn't object too much...I went straight from there to, you guessed it... STARBUCKS! And....I chickened out - I got a decaf! Now, that I have to add the word decaf to my order, I actually giggle when I string together the words of my favorite concoction... a venti, non-fat, iced, decaf carmel macchiato! I swear, I am not a "Harry Met Sally" kind of customer, I usually just pick something off the menu and unless it has olives, anchovies or spit in it, I am good. But my coffee....my coffee I am particular about! And don't slip in any of that sugar-free syrup on me - BLECH! So, I take my cup of Heaven across the parking lot to The Children's Place! My favorite place to shop for the kids and luckily, all three of them can still fit in the clothes from there. The prices in this place are amazing! If you don't have one near you - check them out online - $5 shipping - ALWAYS! Anyway, I picked up a couple things for each of the three kids...two big kid tanks, a girly tank and short ensemble and a pair of itty bitty flip-flops and wee-wittle sunglasses all for $30. Those were not sale prices, that's just their everyday deals! THEN....the lady at the register tells me that tomorrow is their MONSTER SALE so to be sure to come back. I mention it to my not-a-fan-of-giving-me-the-OK-to-shop husband and tell him that I never did the summer clothes shopping for the kids. Pennsylvania skipped Spring so until we hit 90 degrees, I was behind on the summer-thinking! He had recently gotten our VISA bill and somehow we overpaid the last time so he said if I could keep it at that dollar amount, we had the go-ahead. No problem! Today I tool my three cool kids shopping. The older two (9 & 10) are excellent in math so I gave them a target $ amount and shopping bag and set them free (it's a very small store so I could see or hear them no matter where I was in the store). I took the baby in the stroller and we filled his bag... more sunglasses, jammies, shorts, tanks, tees, etc. I met the other two at the register with filled bags and asked how well they think they added? I am proud to say that we came in UNDER Daddy's request by $6! WE ROCK! The best part? Since they picked out their own things, they LOVE EVERYTHING! My oldest actually asked to change into a pair of new shorts before we even left the store. My daughter changed into a new outfit in the car before I was even out of the parking lot! We headed across to the mall to get them some "CHUCKS" - they have been wanting these for ages! I am too cheap to spend the $40 on real CHUCKS so we headed to PAYLESS! They each fell in love with a pair and the baby....well, he is a shoe monger from way back...he fell in love with a ...umm...less than attractive shoe/sock ensemble...but it was such a good day and he was so in love with them, I said OK. We got some soft pretzels and drinks and headed to the car! We drove home, the little guy started his nap before we got home, I slipped him into his bed and fed the big guys lunch and came to check in with all of you... Check out the shoes - this is REAL TIME... LOL!

The whole day was so perfect and so fun that the fact that I unexpectedly got my period and (three kids in tow) could not find a bathroom with "sanitary items" available did not even phase me! Hey, at least I got it, right?...not pregnant, right?...that's always a good thing!

See. Perfection. Sheer Perfection.