tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7580431149406245496.post8001397061776971808..comments2024-01-26T22:40:05.301-08:00Comments on My Semblance of Sanity: My manuscript is in a contest...Michelle Kemper Brownlowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08344673576693662842noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7580431149406245496.post-14598883029832524422011-03-22T10:50:15.359-07:002011-03-22T10:50:15.359-07:00Hi Michelle - Love the MC voice!
The intro in the...Hi Michelle - Love the MC voice! <br />The intro in the first paragraph seems to contrived. I'd recommend, as the others said, showing us more about her. The description of standing in the shower was excellent. I felt the cold. =DRaShelle Workmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17582252557500502186noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7580431149406245496.post-73153299593421465582011-03-22T09:12:34.477-07:002011-03-22T09:12:34.477-07:00Agree with the above comment about introductions, ...Agree with the above comment about introductions, because its really about showing what sort of protagonist you have. Since she is a Goth and part of a subculture, she is an outsider and an outsider is defined by what she is outside of.<br />She is engaging and likable, which is great for YA.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7580431149406245496.post-64307722670194167952011-03-22T04:18:08.725-07:002011-03-22T04:18:08.725-07:00This is great, Michelle! Howeve, I think you shoul...This is great, Michelle! Howeve, I think you should reconsider your first paragraphs. I've been seeing on quite a few agent blogs lately that they don't like opening where you introduce yourself. Don't just blurt out information about M., show us instead of telling. Have someone ask her what her real name is and have her give them a snarky response. Show us an argument in which someone tells her she would never be bebysitter material and she shrugs like she couldn't care less. Have people cross the street or look away when they see her. <br />I think you should just start with the second paragraph, and let the info on the first one show itslef throughout the opening chapters.<br />But she certainly has voice! I think you have something great in the cooks here!Gabriela Lessahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02265214314915980398noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7580431149406245496.post-7042518798962720312011-03-21T21:34:36.566-07:002011-03-21T21:34:36.566-07:00This: “I am M. Yes, just “M,” you don’t need to k...This: “I am M. Yes, just “M,” you don’t need to know what it stands for. You will never have a reason to get that close to me. I’m one of those girls you probably wouldn’t trust to babysit your offspring. One of those girls who sometimes doesn’t trust herself.”<br /><br />is BRILLIANT. Nicely done!!Stephhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01513890163267239343noreply@blogger.com