I love BOTH sides of this coin. Walking girls through the most difficult times in their lives while standing firm with moms and supporting them in the drama of raising a teen girl. Whether you have a responsible teen or one who stretches you to the limits there is drama. Sometimes that drama is friend-induced and sometimes it is brought on directly by your daughter. Either way, we are in this together! And I always make sure I am NOT taking the place of the moms, I am constantly giving girls advice on how to go to their moms with the things they come to me with. The relationship between mother and daughter is SO valuable as they navigate their way through their teen years.
But, in the conversations I have both with moms and girls, there is a common thread that causes many of the issues. And it has happened enough even in the last 2 weeks that warrants a blog post!
Some (and I stress SOME so that you don't get angry with me) moms are getting lazy. I feel like the more drama that comes into their lives, the more laxed they become in sticking to their guns. Sure, it is EXHAUSTING being a mom of a teen girl and many of you have more than one (God bless you)! But this is all the more reason to stick to the boundaries you have set. If you think they don't know how to play their cards and push you to your breaking point just to get you to say, "FINE! Just GO! Do it! I don't care! Just STOP bugging me!" then you have completely forgotten your own teen years!
Let me give you a scenario -
Tamara asks her mom if she can stay out past the Cinderella curfew on her licence (which is 11pm) b/c her friends, Callie and Tessa want to go out for ice cream after a movie. Callie and Tessa live on the other side of town and will be taking Tessa's car to the movies. This means Tamara and Tessa will have to break curfew if they are doing ice cream after. Tamara's mom says "no" because that is breaking the law. Tamara flips out and says it's not fair b/c Callie and Tessa are allowed.
Tamara's mom calls Tessa's mom to chat this out and finds out that Tessa's mom HAS given Tessa permission to be out later than curfew, "because I just feel bad, they really want to go out for ice cream after. You know, I don't wanna be the bad guy all the time."
Moms, can't we just stick together?! Come ON!
Why are we getting lazy? Young teens are going to R-rated movies, the songs on their iPods are atrocious, the language they use and lack of respect they have for adults is insulting to say the least, and what they post on facebook - ooohhhhh, don't EVEN get me started on that!!
Why do we all of a sudden, during the years that will shape the adult they will become, do we take a break? We didn't take a break when they wanted to dart out into traffic, why now, when they are testing the boundaries with sex, drugs and alcohol do we decide it is our job to make their lives comfortable?
I am pleading with moms everywhere to TIGHTEN your reigns! Check their facebook, don't let them see movies that are intended for older audiences, don't let them drink in your home, don't give them permission to stay out beyond the curfew set by the law makers who KNOW the statistics of fatal car accidents involving teen drivers.
I talk to teens everyday who are SO confused about right and wrong because the lines have been blurred. Somewhere over the last 15 years society has trained adults to believe that the kids have a handle on this growing up thing and we should just let them do it, on their own.
|Sure, Wally, that's why I made sure you had money with you.|
Yes, honey, the condoms are in Aisle 7.
Have a good night. Be safe.